The Lost Children
by Pappillon
Summary: When Pink Diamond's Pearl is sent by Yellow Diamond to spy on her new master, things take an unexpected direction as the plan goes off the rails. (Updates every Friday)
1. Chapter 1

When Blue Diamond called to speak to me, I had just finished cleaning in her library. Every rotation, I would sweep the hallways, wipe the windows, and tend to her enormous room of old books from which I could hear her weeping. Her own Pearl came and told me that our Diamond wished to see me.

She moved her hands from her eyes as I approached. "Pearl," of course, she began with her shaking voice, and made her descent downward, leaning toward me.

I don't think she realized how overwhelming she was. Or maybe she did; that's probably why she did it.

Blue Diamond came close enough to eat me and continued speaking. "There's a gem in Yellow's court who needs a Pearl. She was meant to serve Pink as well, but emerged after her shattering." A fat tear trailed along her cheek, but she seemed not to notice. Her expression hardly changed at all, and yet, she paused. "We're running low on resources, and rather than making another Pearl, Yellow and I thought it would be best…" She stopped there, and I bowed.

Dipping back up with my arms still crossed over my chest, I said, "My Diamond, I will gladly serve her, if that is what you intend for me."

Blue sat back up, leaning most of her weight upon her cushion and sniffed. She wiped around her lashes again, chafing her skin. "Perhaps you can do well under her. It's not exactly serving Pink, but it's at least a little closer to your purpose. I'm sure she'll be happy to have you."

I said nothing, and bowed again, holding my position until Blue started talking.

"Yellow has asked that you go and speak to her first. She has more information than I do about this gem. I believe she's a Morganite." She took another few seconds as she gasped in a breath. "She will brief you before you begin working under her."

"Understood, My Diamond."

Another obese tear fell and crashed upon the floor. She always became so dramatic whenever Pink came up, and with her quivering voice said, "Goodbye, Pearl." I wouldn't have to clean another tear like that for a while.

"Goodbye, My Diamond. Thank you for keeping me for as long as you did."

Blue didn't reply, but dismissed me, regardless. I caught her Pearl at the door, who raised her hand to see me off as her Diamond continued to cry. I nodded to her in response; it would have been inappropriate to wave.

The distance between Yellow and Blue Diamond's chambers was negligible when warping. I switched from one court to another in a flash of bright light. That's how fast your fate can be decided—a flash or a snap, depending on who you serve; depending on who you believe in.

It required such little time for me to end up in Yellow's control room that I nearly tripped from the warp pad. Saluting her, I could have landed flat on my face and spilled all my respect on the floor, but it wouldn't have mattered. Even her Pearl, nose in the air, noticed me before Yellow Diamond even flicked her gaze from her screen. I watched, finding a decent pose, as she leaned forward to address a message, entered strings of words via the keypad, and leaned back again before finally addressing me.

"Pearl," she said, "Come here."

I went to stand before her, with her attention on me like the crosshairs of a gun. That's what everyone had always said about her.

"I suppose Blue has told you about your reassignment."

"She has, My Diamond."

Yellow leaned back and pressed a button on her control pad. Her screen turned toward me and projected a picture, a gem tinted orange under the influence of the light, with the biggest goddamn eyebrows I have ever seen. In the picture, she smiled a bit with her chubby lips, even though they tell you not to smile. She still managed to grin by the eastern and westernmost borders of her mouth, taking what she could get away with. The photograph was definitely cheerful, while Yellow Diamond stared down at me without so much as a kink in her practiced frown.

"This is Morganite," she said.

Lady Morganite to me.

"It's about time she had a Pearl, but," she hesitated. Not because she couldn't decide on what to say, but to search through my eyes, as if she could access my mind through them.

As if.

"I'd like you to keep an eye on her."

I wanted to ask her for what, exactly, but it wasn't my place and Yellow had already moved on.

"There are rumors about her, but as of right now, no evidence. Your job beneath her will be simple. Do what she asks of you, clean up after her, and if she has a vision, you're to call her bodyguard."

I had leaned forward, unintentionally, and furrowed my brows.

"I've enhanced her powers," Yellow Diamond said around a sigh, "and because of that, she sometimes has what the other Beryls call a 'vision.' It would be too dangerous for you to help her. Her limbs might begin to flail, or she might dissipate her own form, so you're to call her bodyguard, who will hold her still until it passes. Is that clear?"

"Yes, My Diamond."

"Good," she sent Morganite's picture from the screen and turned it toward her. Even from the cloudy backside, new messages appeared at the top of the feed. They arrived every couple of seconds and she began typing while still addressing me, "Let me know if you witness anything suspicious, and make sure she doesn't touch you. She'll be able to read your thoughts. Have I made myself clear?"

I'm sure my brows furrowed even further, but without much hesitation, I said, "You have, My Diamond."

"Excellent. That will be all."

That was how I came to work for Morganite in a snap of the fingers, or in this case, a clap of the hands, and after a flash of light.


	2. Chapter 2

Pink Diamond taught me to read.

More recently, the more important Pearls are taught to read, but some still can't. A lot of aristocrats hold the idea that teaching a Pearl to read ruins them; that they can't handle the kind of thoughts literature would cause them to think; that because some stories are about moral perversion or have controversial subject matter, they might get ideas. The worst kind of Pearls think for themselves, and even if they can read, it's for her owner's benefit. That way, she can read messages to her master or even reply to them, if it's simple enough.

Pink Diamond, however, had me read novels to her—old plays and romantic poetry, written for noble ears only. Even if her teaching me to read was only for her benefit, I still feel at least somewhat ruined.

After Pink died, no one knew what to do with me. I was a masterless Pearl in mourning, and when Blue Diamond took me in, she didn't have a place for me. She had her personal Pearl, and a few others who cleaned her chambers, but no one to tidy her immaculate library, so I spent most of my days in that enormous room with its skyscrapers of books, keeping the dust off of them. To touch them with my hands would have been a crime, and to crack one of them open would have caused a scandal, had anyone caught me. To distract myself from temptation, I took to scrubbing the floors and beating the curtains instead of reading.

I can remember rare occasions when Blue Diamond would come into the library, crying. She would never send me from the room, but whenever she visited, I stood in the corner and became a convincing piece of furniture. I would watch then, as she might pull out a history book and weep over it.

Sometimes I suspect she kept me around just to make her cry.

While she held whichever book—one made large enough for her hands—and tried not to soak the pages with her tears, she would sometimes turn to me, in the corner, in the shadows, out of the way, and look straight on for full seconds.

Pink Diamond one…

Pink Diamond two…

The tears welled up again and she wept them out, the sorrow twisting her face before she finally turned away. The wild pink curls atop my head might as well have been daggers to her heart. My uniform—that she requested I keep—must have been like stepping on a rusty nail.

I suppose I would stand out just as much no matter how I dressed.

Before Blue would go, she would say, "Oh, Pearl. I'm so sorry," and I would never reply. She didn't speak because she actually felt sorry for me. Even if she did, what could I say? I was in no place to absolve a Diamond of her crimes against me. If Blue had shattered My Diamond herself, the correct response would still be silence.

I began to wonder if I was being punished.

That said, my purgatory seemed to end when I began work under Morganite. The first time we met, she apologized to me and seemed to mean it.

"I'm sorry," Morganite wiped her forehead with a floral print handkerchief while fiddling with the skirts of her gown, which hung loosely from her pudgy stomach. "I don't have much for you to do. Most of my duties you won't be able to assist with, but I suppose you could clean my apartments."

At that point, both she and I looked around the room at the piles of papers and the stray books strewn upon her coffee table. On that day, there were three of them, insides obese with folded corners and notes shoved into their spines. "If I knew you were coming, I would have cleaned up. Yellow Diamond told me only moments before you arrived."

"My apologies, Madame." I bowed.

"Oh no. It's not your fault." She put out her feminine hand and patted her forehead again with the cloth. Morganite wasn't even sweating, but she did move with little jolts.

I don't blame her for being surprised.

 _By the way, here's your new life-long personal Pearl. Sorry if you didn't want her._

Morganite had bunched up her handkerchief and rested her eyes upon me with what appeared to be sympathy, mixed with fret. She blinked her doll-like lashes and bit her lip before she spoke. "Can I ask what Yellow Diamond told you about me, if anything?"

"She didn't say much, My Lady, but she did mention your visions."

"Oh," she blushed. "I had almost forgotten. It's frightening, but sometimes my powers discharge and I lose consciousness. It's hard to say for how long, but it has ranged from just a few minutes to several hours." She dropped her skirts and allowed her limp-wristed hand to hang. "If a vision comes on, please don't touch me. It would be best if you call Jasper. She knows what to do, and she'll keep me from hurting myself. I wouldn't want to kick or slap you accidently."

"Thank you for your consideration, Madame."

"It's nothing."

Morganite paused for a moment and placed both hands around the handkerchief, pressing it into a ball. "I suppose I'm a little embarrassed to ask this, but when Jasper comes, would you mind leaving the room? I've seen other Beryls have visions before and it's not flattering. I even wish Jasper wouldn't have to see, but there's not much choice in that. She has to see me in order to help, so…"

"Whatever you wish, My Lady. I'm at your disposal."

Her fat brows bent with relief and she finally brought her coffee-stain eyes to mine. I remember her heart-shaped gem gleaming as she shifted and it caught some light. She looked made of candy. "Thank you, Pearl." Morganite then sighed and grinned. "I hope you aren't too bored here. I imagine serving Blue Diamond was much more interesting."

I didn't respond to that. Telling her that being Blue's library Pearl was boring as hell would have been gauche.

"Oh," Morganite's fingers curled up. "You must know you're going to be bored here. Perhaps you'll miss Blue Diamond. You were at her service for a very long time." Her plump lips rolled in, puckering backwards. "I'm surprised Yellow and Blue decided to give you to me. I don't believe I'm worthy of a Diamond's Pearl, and it must be odd for you, having changed courts three times now." She granted me the full sweetness of her dark eyes. "Please let me know if you need anything. If you find you miss Blue, I'm sure I could arrange a meeting for both of you."

I didn't just stifle my laughter; I murdered it. In choking it out, I suffocated myself, and the pain this caused was unbearable. Instead of just preventing the laughter, I had to stop myself from buckling over, turning my face hot pink in managing the hysteria and the ache.

"Oh, you look as though you want to cry," My Lady said.

My eyes had certainly begun to form tears.

"Let's stop talking about it then. I'll show you around."

Morganite had four main chambers: The front room, the tea room, her home office, and the library. All had grown dusty and at least slightly cluttered without a Pearl, but this wasn't uncommon. Most nobles are far too busy thinking their big, important thoughts to remember to put their books back or to tidy a tea cup.

I wouldn't be surprised if some have never seen a cleaning cloth, too distracted with loftier thoughts to pay attention to a working Pearl.

Cleaning the dust took me several hours before I could even move on to organizing. I didn't see much of Morganite those first few days. We both had plenty to do, but soon enough I had cleared the dust and done the dishes and put back the books, and polished the windows, and bleached the stains from the mirrors, and made the air smell like flowers, and sat down.

After all of that, there was truly nothing more to do.

I stood in the corner of the main room, waiting for Morganite to come back and she arrived not many minutes later. She dipped her head into the room as if testing the waters. Perhaps she worried about finding me nude. Once submerged completely, she said, "Wow, Pearl. It looks amazing," and ran her hands over the complex pattern of her dress, decorated in fashionable but off-yellow diamonds. "How long ago did you finish?"

"It hasn't been long, Madame."

"I don't think I've ever seen it this clean," she walked around, as if exploring the chambers for the first time. Her dark pink hair bounced with the movement of her feet. "I'm truly impressed. You've done a lovely job."

"Thank you, Lady Morganite."

"Would you like some tea?" She spoke as if she hadn't heard me and her voice carried from the library. "You must be tired after all of that cleaning!" She emerged back in the main room, grinning.

I saluted. "That's not necessary, My Lady. I don't need any reward."

"Perhaps you don't _need_ any, but would you like some anyway?"

"If you insist, Madame."

"Well, let's have some tea then."

We sat together on her fainting couch after Morganite insisted on preparing two cups of tea. She asked how much sugar I wanted, and how strong, and brought out my drink first. She then prepared hers and took a spot next to me, blowing away the steam as if serving a Pearl was a normal occurrence. After taking a sip from her own billowing drink, she asked, "What will you do tomorrow, Pearl?" and blinked her flirty lashes.

"I'm not sure, My Lady." I had yet to drink. "Is there anything more you'd like me to do?"

"I'm sorry. I really don't have anything for you. The apartments look wonderful, and there's just nothing more that I need right now." She took another drink. I finally tasted my first sip. "Why don't you do as you please tomorrow? I'm not sure what you like to do, but—" Morganite drained her cup. "You're welcome to take a walk or do you have a friend you can call or…?"

I must have looked at her as if she were insane. I couldn't have kept it off my face. Was she so unfamiliar with the state of our lives or was she trying to get me in trouble?

"Oh, well," Morganite's face popped pinker. "Perhaps your friends will be busy during the day. In any case, you're free to do whatever you feel comfortable with during leisure time. Thank you for making the apartments so tidy."

"Of course, Madame. It's my pleasure."

She then gave me a look I doubt I'll forget. Somewhere between a wince and an unreleased sigh, her mouth bent as her eyes filled with a softness. Releasing some air, she stood and rinsed the cup out in the sink to put it back without drying it off. Something inside me writhed, but before I could die completely, she addressed me again, "Make sure you do a fun activity tomorrow. Alright, Pearl?"

"Yes, Madame. I'll be certain to enjoy myself."

To that, Morganite nodded and went back to her office, leaving me alone with my tea.

The next day came. My mistress told me goodbye and left for work and I went straight after her defenseless books.

Morganite's library was about one tenth the size of Blue Diamond's, but made up for it in the lack of surveillance. Before, I couldn't touch a single treasure in that trove. Unprotected contact between even the tips of my fingers and any page of literature came with a sentence I wasn't willing to serve. She may have shattered me; I didn't know the punishment. But here, Morganite had left. She trusted me alone with her stacks of gold, with nothing to stop me from setting my unworthy fingers over every piece, over every _word_.

I took her books from the shelves and slapped them onto the table. My first few free days I read so quickly I didn't recall what I had run my eyes over. The feeling of finding so many classics again was like being reunited with friends I thought had died ages ago. I had lost hope and assumed Blue Diamond's library a purgatory forever, but now that my punishment ended, I dove into Morganite's books with hedonistic abandon. Even the act of committing my eyes to the page was the sweetest sin, and having been surrounded with so many names and faces and letters— _so many letters_ —I couldn't remember them all. The hours between her coming and going passed in a haze and I did my best to recall the page numbers I left off on, frantically.

Every day before Morganite came home, I placed myself in the back of the main room and stood politely, and she would greet me.

"Hello, Pearl." Her hands went for the fabric of her gown. "What did you do today?"

"I contemplated, Madame," I answered.

"Well, would you like some tea?"

She would bring me a cup, by her insistence, and tell me about her day—about the gems she interrogated.

Morganite, like many other Beryls, worked for the court and conducted interviews with suspected criminals. Before their trials, she would meet with them, ask them questions, and hold their hands to read the thoughts written across their skin.

"Most of them tell the truth," she said once. "The ones who lie are usually nervous because they fear Yellow Diamond will shatter them. Sometimes she will, but…" She trailed off. "It's better that they be honest. She may be angry, but resources are so scarce these days, Yellow would do just about anything to keep from making more gems unnecessarily—even if they did do something horrible. They still may be punished, but at least they're allowed to live."

Did she know? Was this a game to her?

I drank my tea.

"Well, Pearl. I'm sorry, but I still don't have anything for you. The house is in wonderful condition. What would you like to do tomorrow?"

I took the rim of the glass from my lips. "If you don't mind, My Lady, I'd like to go for a walk."

"That sounds nice."

A pause occurred between us, and I stroked a flower printed on the cup. "My apologies, Madame. I don't mean to be dishonest, but may I request an errand? It's out of place for a Pearl to simply go for a walk. If asked, it would be better to have an assignment."

"Oh," she bent her chubby lips. "Why don't you purchase your favorite flavor of tea? I'll give you the credits."

"Thank you, Madame."

"Not to worry. The Quartz guards can be a little nosey sometimes. In fact, I'll write you a note…" Morganite stood, but before going to find a pen and paper, noticed that my cup was almost empty. She asked, "Would you like more tea?"

"That's not necessary, Madame."

"Oh, come on. You can just tell me what you want." She reached over to take the cup from me, leaving her hands a short space from it.

I swallowed a sigh. "More tea would be lovely, My Lady."

"Wonderful," and as she took the cup, our fingers touched just for a moment. Her big, dark brown eyes opened wide and looked directly into mine as I instinctively wiped the panic from my face. Knowing what I know now, it was pointless.

I wondered how much she got out of that little touch; the fact that I truly did want more tea or my entire life of crime, recorded in my fingerprints like a database of sin?

But Morganite said nothing and replaced my tea while I sat quietly, hands in my lap, the way I was taught to sit. She returned with a replenished cup and surrendered it with a grin and a sigh she didn't release, despite inflating. Like many things, it twisted her heavy brows, but she went off to write my note, regardless.


	3. Chapter 3

I went to the market the next day. Morganite had prepared a note for me, stating I had her permission to go. She had even sealed it like an envelope meant to be delivered, written in her aristocratic cursive and signed at the bottom, with her card and its credits tucked in the middle.

The stationery she selected was light pink.

"I've never had a Pearl before," Morganite explained. "I hope this is enough. If anyone bothers you, come to my office. Do you know where it is?"

She wore such a look of concern.

"This should suffice, My Lady, but I'll alert you if there's any trouble."

"Alright then," for the first time, it occurred to me how much shorter she was than I am. Before, she seemed somehow taller, but stood only to the point of my nose.

I took her letter and tucked it away.

"Well, I'll see you after work today, Pearl."

"Thank you, Madame. I hope today isn't too taxing for you."

"Thank you, Pearl. I hope the same for you."

How many times would I need to stifle my laughter?

I left shortly after finishing Act Four of the play I was reading.

It was rare that I ever went to the market; it was rare that any gem went. Whenever Blue Diamond sent her Pearl, she always sent her alone, aside from the one day she allowed me to go along in an odd bout of sympathy.

I remember it as a circular chamber, divided into sections of various goods. At the time I went, they carried books, tea, and household items a noble might want. The entire area was full of searching Pearls with short lists in hand.

I was unsurprised to find it wholly unchanged as I waited to enter.

Two Quartz guards stood before the polite queue of Pearls. They towered above us, only admitting one at a time. The reasoning behind it didn't make much sense to me. I suppose they didn't want the marketplace swarming all at once, so they allowed only a certain number of Pearls in and waited for a few to leave before admitting more. Standing in line, I looked at the others. Most were some shade of blue, white, or yellow, but even then, there was the occasional green or red. Each of us wore our uniforms to imitate our masters. Soft fabric mimicked shoulder pads, or lengthy skirts to shadow heavy fabric.

I lost myself in admiring the different outfits, but Blue Diamond's Pearl emerged with an opaque bag and drew my attention. She, too, opened her mouth in surprise.

The guards allowed her through, and in one smooth motion, she pulled something from the band of her skirts, walked at an even pace to me, and stuffed it into my left hand and moved along, as though nothing had happened. No one had noticed, and I felt the smooth texture of paper.

Promptly, I placed it inside the front part of my outfit, flat against my stomach, and stepped forward, presenting my note from Morganite to the guards.

"What a cute note," the one on the right said.

"Let me see—" the left one giggled, reading it over. "Who is your master? I haven't seen you before."

"Lady Morganite of Yellow Diamond's Court, Ma'am."

"Lady Morganite?"

"You didn't write this yourself, did you?"

Before I could answer, both of them began laughing and gave me the note back, allowing me through. I squeezed it a bit too roughly, but moved on to find a bustling market place, much like the one I remembered. Now there seemed to be newer things, different spices, and more options, but I went straight for the tea. That's what Morganite had sent me for, after all.

The shopkeeper of this section belonged to White Diamond—a Pearl who watched me come in with a little shock, twisting her face and crinkling her nose, which stuck straight up into the air. With a hand on her chest and a gasp, she said, "Oh my…My condolences. Has Blue Diamond sent you today?"

"No," I answered. "I work for a Lady Morganite now."

"Well—" It was odd, seeing some of White's mannerisms grafted onto this Pearl. She was a true miniature, keeping her mistress's elegance. Had I kept any of my Diamond's? Did I consciously realize it or was it just programing? She continued. "At least you're working under a pink gem, though it must be odd to switch courts again." She must have been older. That was why White allowed her to work here.

I answered, "It is odd. I wonder who they'll pass me off to next."

She didn't laugh. Her face instead displayed a mixture of disapproval and horror, as if it were my fault I had changed owners so many times.

I began to browse the overwhelming number of teas.

"Please let me know if you have any questions, or if your mistress has requested any flavors."

"She didn't, actually. Lady Morganite doesn't seem very picky." The shelves stood from the floor to the ceiling, without a free space between the boxes and jars. Some wore labels from worlds whose writing I couldn't read. Would I create poison if I mixed the wrong two together? From the other side of the room, the other Pearl's eyes burrowed into my flesh, at the nape of my neck, hunting after my secrets. I'm sure she wondered what was wrong with me, having been assigned to a lady who would send me for tea, but wouldn't specify a flavor.

"Do you recommend any?"

"The cosmic fruit infusions are easily the most popular," she walked straight to the back wall and held out her arms, indicating three separate shelves. "Enchanting space berry is very good in my opinion, certainly suited for a pink gem, though my personal favorite would be black hole with Earth orange, but it is quite strong." She removed a jar and took off the cap, then held it beneath my nose.

It was strong, with an influence of citrus.

"We actually cultivate this brand on Homeworld. I've even seen the trees from which these fruits grow. How they managed to make such a savage thing taste so wonderful is beyond me, but oh—" She placed the cap back on, slowly, "Perhaps that was insensitive of me. Your Diamond…"

"It wasn't the fruit trees that did it." I picked under one of my nails. "I'd like that flavor, and the space berry as well."

"Certainly. My apologies." She took both jars. "Your mistress lets you drink tea?"

"She does." She makes it for me.

"You must be very good, then. I'm one of very few Pearls My Diamond treats to tea, but I've served her for so long." Her gem reflected a deep crème color, an off-white that suggested an older style of procuring Pearls. Its perfect roundness struck me as uncanny, and she stuck her nose in the air again, placing the loose tea into two clear, separate bags. "It's nice to see another Diamond's Pearl here, even if…" Her finger paused on one of the numbers of her machine. "You do resemble her."

"Thank you."

"That will be fourteen credits."

I handed her Morganite's card, which she scanned and quickly returned, along with my bag.

"Let me know what you think of those flavors, if she allows you to taste them."

"I will. Thank you."

Another Pearl entered as I left, who the clerk greeted with a simple 'Hello.' I didn't bother looking at the other goods the shops had to offer, despite lingering outside the bookstore for several seconds. They were out of the budget, and Morganite's permission. Not to mention, the note begged to be read and answered. It burned against my stomach, no doubt collecting sweat along the edges.

I had learned to write by copying.

Armed with every word my Diamond had ever commanded I read, I traced my finger through the dust of Blue Diamond's library, before wiping it away and destroying the evidence for good. I would write the titles of the books stacked upon the shelves, and try to make the loops and hooks and corners as loose, or tight, or thick, or thin as they were printed.

I can admit that it was an especially useless skill. In that opulent pit of untouched literature, I neither needed to read nor write, but there I was, touching every virginal title with my ill-meaning eyes and copying them in dust I made accomplice to my crimes, before murdering them away and hoping for more to abuse the next day.

Her Pearl caught me once. I had written halfway through _A Diamond's Wish_ in amateurish but passable calligraphy when I heard her gasp. I turned with my print covered in dust, grey-handed, my face undoubtedly severe.

Quietly, she said, "I didn't know you could write. Or read."

"What are you even doing here?" I smeared my hand into my skirts. "Doesn't Blue Diamond have you record her messages—"

"She does, but," the edges of her lips folded into a grin. "Yellow Diamond has come to visit, so she sent me away. I like to come because there's usually no one else here, except for you."

For good measure, I wiped my hand off again, this time against my stomach. "Yellow Diamond, huh?"

"Don't worry. I won't tell her." She leaned in, a bit closer. "In fact, I'm glad. The house Pearls can barely read at all. I thought I really might have been the only one."

I asked her about her favorite story, but she didn't have one. Blue Diamond never asked her to read out loud for her. She did, however, shove a note into my hand a few days later. It even included a blank sheet for me to reply, which I did in small amounts of stolen ink when absolutely no one was watching.

There wasn't too much shit to talk, but we made do.

She would write me paragraphs about how Blue Diamond would cry (usually about My Diamond, but there were plenty of other topics) and how she would hold in her sighs. One time she told me she was glad her hair hid her eyes so no one could see them rolling.

I laughed out loud at that, which echoed inside the library.

We exchanged notes as often as possible, without drawing suspicion, and destroyed them once we had read and answered.

That day, her note began in typical form. I read it over a pungent cup of black hole orange I had made, sitting at the table in Morganite's library. She wrote in her neat hand:

'I worried I wouldn't be able to write to you ever again. I'm not even sure if you'll receive this message. I've been trying to devise a way to get it to you, but not much comes to mind. I plan on carrying it with me everywhere until I see you again. We have to meet at some point.

'Blue Diamond is crying as much as ever. I think she misses you, even though she would never admit that. I see her stop in front of the library and sigh before we keep moving. You must have reminded her of Pink Diamond, even though she didn't have much for you to do. I miss you too. Things seem even slower now that you've left.

'How is life with Morganite? Does she treat you well? Does she allow you to read? I hope you're happy there.

'—Pearl'

I took a sip of tea while considering my response. There wasn't any paper I could use to reply in Morganite's library, but there was in her office, as well as writing utensils. Still, I remained a moment and read it over again, smoothing my index finger and thumb over the corners of the paper.

I made a point of finishing my tea before I stood, as the kitchen was on the way to the office. Opening the door, I went to drop off my cup, and moved toward those wide double doors I had polished not long before that day. They were styled classically—the kind you had to open manually, and with Pearl's note folded into my hand, I pushed the right-side open and slipped inside.

Any parchment she kept in the bottom drawer of her desk, and surely, she wouldn't notice one sheet missing. Or would she? Perhaps my fingers would have the distinct feeling of parchment if they ever met hers again.

I stood in one place too long, and as I took a single step forward, the doors opened in the main room a little before Morganite should have come home. Nearly dropping and the crumpling the note, I stuffed it back into my outfit. My body quickened but I held still.

"Pearl—" My Lady's voice reverberated outside the office in the wide expanses of the chamber itself. "Pearl, _where are you?_ "

She sounded pained and panicked. If I remained where I was, she would surely look for me, so I came out and found her crinkled on the floor before the entrance, bleeding.

Morganite was on her knees, skirts pulling and trapped beneath her legs when she looked up to me with blood trailing along her cheeks. "Pearl—" her arms shook and seized, which left her to claw at the floorboards as she fell. "Call Jasper—her number—"

Her head began to roll around like a ball moving back and forth, and I went to the phone.


	4. Chapter 4

Morganite and I once talked about Jasper. I must have asked how she really felt about her, but I don't remember how it came up. We had been chatting, sitting on her fainting couch and drinking cups of tea.

Before she answered, she released a longing sigh and glanced to the wall across from us. She traced her fingers over her cup a few times, touching the delicate porcelain flowers painted pink and red. "I feel silly admitting this, but…" Morganite blinked her long lashes and blushed. "I fell for her the first moment I saw her. I know that must sound cliché." She paused, "but it's true. She came to me just a few days after Yellow Diamond had enhanced my powers, and I must have been delirious, but seeing her shook me."

I think I had asked if Jasper had made her nervous.

"Oh, no," she responded. "I mean, she did make me nervous. I saw her beautiful golden eyes and all of her massive hair, and just—" Morganite sank a little into the couch. "She really is the perfect Quartz. I've never seen a more gorgeous Jasper. The first time she had to hold me, I nearly stopped existing out of embarrassment and, well—" Her warm eyes finally came back to me, sparkling.

I took a sip of my tea and Morganite cleared her throat. She leaned toward me. "This is terrible, but—oh, maybe I shouldn't say it." Her cheeks flourished before she goaded herself to continue. "Well, I used my powers to read her heart. No one would guess, but she's lonely. I don't think she even pays much mind to it, but a kind of sadness follows her, along with rage."

The curves around her mouth flatlined. "When I looked into her heart, I saw that she needed a companion. It wasn't even something her mind had formed into words, but it was constantly in the background, like the solitude had become part of her." At that point, My Lady looked right at me. "I took advantage of that."

The first time I saw Jasper she came during Morganite's vision. We hadn't enabled the video feeds on the phone, and I received a short answer when I told her of My Lady's condition.

I didn't know at the time, but I didn't need to open the door. Given the nature of Jasper's job, she was able to enter our apartments as needed, as if she lived there too. The first time, I stayed to open the door, but before I could get to it, both sides came apart and pushed Morganite's spasming corpse about a step to the left.

Jasper and I locked eyes immediately.

I recognized her, and I'm certain she recognized me. She was the veteran that shattered eighty Crystal Gems just after emerging on Earth. We hadn't met in person, but her deeds made history on Homeworld. Anyone would recognize the pattern of her stripes and the uncanny fire in her eyes.

Jasper stared at me a moment before bending over and scooping up Morganite in her enormous arms. As she pulled her body carefully from the floor, Jasper cradled and supported her, managing to clear the newly tangled candy hair out of the way, as well as the blood piling onto her cheeks. It continued pooling into her eye sockets as Jasper stopped one of her phantom arms. I ducked into the office.

I wasn't supposed to watch, after all.

But you better believe I did.

Through the space between both doors, I witnessed Jasper sit in the center of the fainting couch. Her massive legs seemed to root her in place as she squeezed Morganite out of shaking, practically fastening her to her chest. Her comparatively tiny arms and legs would twitch, and might land a hit that Jasper didn't take personally. Her expression wouldn't change; she just sat still and held Morganite for several minutes until her body stopped and she grew still.

When Morganite lay entirely limp, I watched Jasper take her fingers and tidy the blood. As carefully as she held My Lady, she repeated the process every time Morganite began to bleed, and in the moments between, kept the hair from her face, and cleaned her hand against her leggings.

They sat that way for several minutes until Morganite unstuck her bloody lashes and placed her hand on top of Jasper's. She was in the middle of removing the scabs from her cheeks, when those pink fingers covered her deep red knuckles.

She mouthed out Jasper's name without any sound.

"Take it easy. You shouldn't move."

To that, Morganite nuzzled her face into Jasper, holding just two of her fingers in the entirety of her hand. I wonder if I hallucinated it, but I could swear I heard a kiss, in accordance to the movement of her jaw. She must have, because just afterward, Jasper tucked a few strands of hair behind Morganite's ear with a level of care I didn't assume her capable of.

"Jasper," the word was still quiet and raspy, but audible. A long sigh accompanied it, after which Morganite opened her eyes and they looked at one another. I would almost say stared, but what I was witnessing wasn't staring. It was too tender.

Morganite then kissed Jasper explicitly. "Thank you."

After a moment, My Lady settled her fingers along Jasper's jaw. She had used her free arm to reach upward and stroke past the frame of her face. She said something I couldn't make out. Her fat lips moved around undoubtedly sinful words, which moved Jasper to lean over and taste them.

I watched their tongues slip past one another and Morganite pulled a fistful of Jasper's hair.

I had seen something like this before.

The library in Blue Diamond's chambers was next to her personal room, and on the second floor behind one of the shelves, someone had drilled a hole. I'm not sure how, or _where_ they might have acquired the necessary tool. I suspected Blue's Pearl, but I have no evidence. She seemed able to get her hands on such a thing, but I had never seen her do it. Maybe it was the fact that she knew where the hole was and showed it to me one day Blue Diamond had sent her away.

"You can watch too." I followed her up the stairs to the furthest shelf from the entrance. She removed an untitled book and threw it on the floor. It landed with a thud and an exorcism of dust, and her face disappeared between two other tomes.

"Watch what?"

For a second, she turned to me, "Yellow Diamond pay a visit." Her head disappeared again into the shelf and I stood in place, unsure of what to do with myself. "They haven't started yet."

"…Started?"

"You don't know?" Her voice became muffled by the stuffy pages around her. "Here—" she popped out. "You can watch first."

"What am I—"

Pearl pushed me in front of the case, where I discovered the hole. Through it, the muffled sound of their speaking cleared. The books ruined my curls, but I looked through the peephole nonetheless.

"They're just talking right now." Pearl said to my left, "but in a while..."

The moment I intruded on their meeting, Yellow Diamond had leaned against one of the pillars as Blue approached her, placing a hand upon her arm and slipped a few fingers under her armor. To my surprise, Yellow actually blushed, shut her eyes, and exhaled as Blue's hand searched a little higher. Eventually, Yellow removed the whole ensemble at once and stood starkly naked, beginning to tear away sections of Blue's clothing.

I took my head from the bookcase. " _What are they doing?_ "

"Is it getting good?" Pearl stole my place immediately. "My Diamond _loves_ to do this with Yellow."

" _But what's going on?_ "

"Watch."

I looked through the peephole again and watched as Yellow and Blue Diamond undressed one another. They were gentle, and observing them twisted knots in my stomach I still can't explain.

Eventually, they ended up on Blue's cushion, nude. Yellow had wrapped an arm around Blue's waist and sitting behind her, slipped her fingers between her legs. I remember Blue tilting her head back and moaning, but Yellow didn't stop. Her fingers kept pulling out and sliding back, coming out slick each time, and returning to that soft place more firmly than the last.

"Are they hurting one another?"

"Oh, no. It's supposed to feel very good."

At that point, Pearl demanded I let her watch so I stepped aside. Her face disappeared again behind dusty books about nobility.

Standing there, I didn't notice how wet I had become. My thighs felt sticky and my head swam in the heat. I was sure to be blushing, too shy or stupid to check if the space between my legs was visibly damp or if it only felt that way.

Similarly, Jasper held Morganite with one arm and reached beneath her skirts with the other. Her outfit censored what occurred beneath it, but by the sounds and the slow movements, it wasn't hard to imagine.

They kissed the entire time, and Morganite—like a slut—opened her legs wider until the fabric of her dress stretched between her bent knees. Her hushed cries grew louder, where only the gems in her chamber could hear them, but no one outside. The air grew dank with the scent of a vaginal secret.

With fingers deep inside her, Morganite moved as if she would fall from the couch, and Jasper held her like she had during the vision. Something inside her contracted and released, until she lay again like a corpse in Jasper's arms, still but breathing hard.

After a moment, they exchanged short kisses that seemed too chaste after what had happened. For once I touched between my legs.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days after her vision, Morganite had a friend over. We picked up like I hadn't just watched her bodyguard finger her. I wondered if she knew what I had seen, but she didn't act any differently.

As helpful as ever, Morganite tidied up for her guest. I wiped down the coffee table while she found two identical teacups and placed them on a matching tray.

"Pearl—" She called with her hand in the cabinet. "I know it's a free day, but can you go to the market and pick up some cookies? I like the tea you picked out last time, but it would be nice to have something to eat." She came to the edge of the kitchen to look at me. Her hand sat upon her hips, and her dense brows bent apologetically.

"Of course, Madame. Should I finish up with the table?"

"Oh, no. It looks just fine. She'll be over any moment now. I can't believe I forgot." From her pocket, she removed her card, which I came to take. "I'm sure any flavor will do. Thank you for going."

She instructed me to buy one box, and before I left our chambers, I turned and saw her putting the rag and cleaning solution away. My stomach tensed as I caught her watching me leave from her peripheral vision, and I made my way back to the market.

I had taken to keeping my notes with me.

I used to stow them away in the books of Blue Diamond's library when I worked there. Sometimes one of her house Pearls would come and pick it up from me, for her personal Pearl. Like a real librarian, I would slide myself over to the exact spot I had memorized and hand it to her. Request fulfilled, she might take it and place it upside down somewhere inside her uniform and go, leaving me waiting for a reply. It never took long.

To this day, I don't know where she stole the paper from, but she had a talent for theft.

I arrived back in line, which stretched longer than normal. That day produced many unique shades of servants—lavender, purple, dark crème, light orange. Directly before me stood a sandy brown Pearl, and behind me came a tap between the shoulder blades.

I didn't turn fully but glanced through the corners of my eyes at the soft blur just the right shade of blue, with a mop of hair obscuring her eyes. It wasn't _her_. This one's skin was too pale and her hair too dark. She had come into my library countless times. I reached as quickly as possible into my uniform, pulled out the note, and slipped it behind me. I felt her hand collide with mine, filling it as she accepted the paper. In a moment, the space behind me produced a wind and made another color as she disappeared and we all marched one step forward.

I neared the front of the line, where three Pearls came out and three more were admitted. The guards didn't ask for a note, and I headed in.

From one of the stores, I bought a box of cookies and hurried back, carrying them under my arm with the note against my stomach. Of course, it was a free day so many gems were out of their apartments—not any Quartzes or other service gems, but aristocrats whose Pearls accompanied them a few steps behind. They kept their heads bowed until turning slightly to me.

Upon my return, I had nodded to five such Pearls and opened the doors to find not only My Lady sitting on the couch, but a pale woman with an eye-shaped gem set into her forehead.

Her gaze sank into mine with the weight of an accusation—two snowy grey eyes surrounded by long, clear lashes.

Goshenite herself didn't seem threatening, though she stood long and slender above my own mistress. Her limbs hung lanky, which she covered in appropriate crème, and pin-straight hair that matched the color of her flesh ending along her waist. Goshenite appeared as a phantom, which made living beneath her stare worse as she judged every passing sin. Something in her stare and her unchanging third eye brought them to the surface, the way a deep cleaning would purge the grime from the furthest corners of a filthy room.

I froze and forgot to introduce myself or even make words.

Morganite, holding this strange gem's hand, leaned toward me from her place on the couch. "Pearl, this is my darling friend, Goshenite."

I inhaled too much at once and said too quickly, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Madame. I'm Lady Morganite's new Pearl."

The ghost herself sighed, "It's lovely to meet you, Pearl." Her soft voice functioned at a higher register. As she turned back to Morganite, one of her curtains of hair covered her face and I swear I could feel my feet tap back to the ground once she released me.

"Thank you for fetching the cookies, Pearl." Something dropped in My Lady's tone. "Would you mind bringing them here?"

"Yes, Madame."

"Put them on the table, won't you?"

I did as she asked and lingered for a moment, standing too close. Goshenite glanced at me again, blankly, before turning her head down. Still holding her hand, Morganite's face darkened.

"Pearl, please go to the library."

"Yes, ma'am." It still took me a few seconds to actually go. When I did, I walked away too quickly and shut the door too firmly.

My heart raced but I didn't understand why, and like I had from the office, I watched Morganite and her guest from the opposite side of the room.

I wondered if they were going to fuck too, but they didn't. Both sat precisely in place, two heads floating above the lip of the couch like ghosts, sometimes releasing a laugh. Every time it happened, I questioned if I had hallucinated, trying to goad myself into answering Pearl's note, which burned against my stomach.


	6. Chapter 6

I think I had lingered because normally, when a noble has a guest over, her Pearl is supposed to stand by and tend to them. In a normal situation, I would have opened that box of cookies and arranged them onto a plate, served tea, and cleaned up afterward. They would probably gossip about other aristocrats and make booming laughter no one in the chambers could escape.

That's what happened when Pink Diamond had visitors.

When Goshenite left, the salon had settled into a consuming silence. Morganite had taken a place exactly in the center of her couch, directly in front of the unopened box of cookies, and held an empty tea cup. I witnessed her as I crept from the library, beneath the creaking of the door.

"Pearl—" Her voice contained an edge. She cleared her throat afterward.

"Yes, Lady Morganite?"

"Come sit with me." She didn't look at me as she said this; she only moved over a space so I could join her, and we ended up awfully close on that couch.

I remained silent and waited for her to speak first. My note removed and stuffed into the back of _Homeworld: A History_ , I set my hand against my stomach and twined my fingers together.

"I'm sorry, Pearl," She started. "I tricked you."

I neglected to reply, but I couldn't help myself from staring directly at her, likely gaping.

"I suspected Yellow Diamond had sent you here to spy on me, so I needed Goshenite to look into your eyes. I wanted to know for certain," she turned toward me, pursing her lips, "it turns out my suspicions were true."

I felt my body grow still. The sweat hardened in its paths and I couldn't even gulp. "She—"

"Yes, she read your mind. Goshenite doesn't need to touch." Morganite stopped to clear her throat. "I saw what she saw, and I saw what you've seen, and I'd like to have a conversation."

A bead of sweat rolled into motion along the frame of my face, but I still couldn't convince my mouth to move.

"I knew that Yellow Diamond didn't like me enough to grant me a Pearl, and _Pink Diamond's_ Pearl, of all gems? No." My Lady put her cup down and took the box of cookies. She grasped the ribbon but didn't pull it apart right then.

We looked at one another instead.

"I'm going to be very honest with you. I know what you've seen. I also know that you enjoy reading books and writing notes, and that you've been making your way through my library since you've come here."

A sob bubbled to the roof of my mouth, but I swallowed and dissolved it into tears that I blinked away.

Morganite continued. "Neither of us have to be in trouble though, and I'm not even threatening you from my end. Truly. I'm just saying that if you turn me in for my conduct with Jasper—which I don't consider to be that big a deal—your note passing, book reading, and spying will come to light. When you're reassigned, probably to Blue Diamond again, you won't be placed in the library. They'll consider what you did dishonest, after all. I'm not sure what she'll do with you, but I doubt it's going to be as enjoyable as living here." She slowly pulled the bow apart. "I don't care if you read or pass notes. I'd even be happy to buy you books and stationery, and not even to bribe you, but because I understand."

Her lips creased into a frown.

"It's hell to want something and have it forbidden by higher-ups who are hypocrites doing the same thing. But they have more authority, and don't need to care."

Morganite reached over and delicately took the tears from my cheeks. The moment her prints became damp, her own eyes began to water as if turning a notch of a faucet, but her expression remained even.

"I'm sure I'll leave for work one of these days and Yellow Diamond will call you, but what you decide to tell her is up to you." She dried my tears and retracted her hand. "I just ask you to keep in mind that I am far more lenient than Our Diamond is."

I thought I should hate her. I was angry at myself for underestimating her, for somehow letting her trick me into staring into Goshenite's eyes and accidentally admitting every one of my crimes. I hated myself for being made a Pearl, unable to tell the future or outsmart this chubby noble whose empathy kept her a step ahead. But I couldn't, because she was right.

I would do just about anything to prevent going back to Blue Diamond, and I still hadn't finished reading the books in Morganite's library. She even said she would let me.

I cleared my eyes a final time.

Morganite had removed the ribbon. "I've had to interview many Pearls for my work. They end up seeing a lot of things, but they tend to keep quiet." She smoothed over the edges of the box and made a skidding sound. "The thing is, they're a lot smarter than most gems give them credit for. I guess they would have to be. The more rules you live under, the more cunning you become. You learn how to lie convincingly; you learn how not to get caught. I suppose many Pearls subscribe to _most_ of the rules, but…" She removed the lid and exposed rows of colorful macarons. "I'm glad I met you. I've never read a Diamond's Pearl before, and I've never had the chance to meet _her._ " She paused, " _Our_ Diamond. I emerged just after she…" Morganite stopped. "Well. Would you like one?"

She held out the box, every one of them still intact, and offered a cookie of my downfall from the container that had foiled me.

"Thank you, Madame." I took one colored fuchsia and she did the same.

"I would have preferred to serve White Diamond. From what I gather from Goshenite, she can be severe, but she's so lackadaisical, you're unlikely to get caught."

I could believe that. Even before the war, White seemed too exhausted for anything. It's hard to imagine that things have improved for her since then.

"But Yellow—" Morganite popped the entire macaron into her mouth and selected another one. With the cookie bunched against one side of her cheek, she continued, "She can't mind her own business. I've never served another Diamond, but she has to be the worst." My Lady filled her hand with three more cookies, slotting them between her fingers, and left the box on the table. "I'm headed to my office, Pearl. Have as many of these as you like."

I did. I ate them until I was sick.


	7. Chapter 7

I remember when White used to come over. She would enter My Diamond's chambers, towering but hunched over. Despite the exhaustion, she looked fabulous as ever, parts of her outfit escaping her black and white patterned cape. After My Diamond admired her, they would sit together in the salon where White fell into her chair like a rag doll, spilling over the sides as if her body had no structure, and complained as My Diamond listened over cups of tea.

The house Pearls and I used to serve them from platters groups of us would wheel over. She afforded me a clear view of the bags beneath her eyes from my lowly place on the ground, her tens of colonies having layered perpetual dents into her brows. We heard as she told Pink about each of them, putting a hand out for My Diamond to hold. It overflowed with decorative rings.

Her Pearl would accompany her, the smaller version of White, her gem as round as her Diamond's was shimmery. We would speak, but nothing more than short greetings and small talk before she went silent. Neither White nor Pink sent us away during their visits, maybe because we hardly intruded and, to my knowledge, they never became that intimate with one another. The most I had ever seen was White kiss My Diamond's cheeks. She did this towering slightly over her—as she did with the others—and tended to touch both the left and right side of Pink's face.

My Diamond would always kiss her back many more times, embracing her, which caused White to smile.

"Oh, Pink," she would say. Her voice came out more softly than I would have imagined, and higher than I had expected.

Sometimes they would lie down together. White always closed her old, tired eyes while Pink cuddled close to her, combing her fingers through that bush of ancient, grey hair. The motion lulled White to sleep, and for hours on end, neither moved.

They never saw it fit to hide such moments from us. In retrospect, I suppose it was extremely innocent, compared to the things two gems can do with one another.

I used to wonder how that felt.

Inside Morganite's office, her communicator rang. Even from the library, I could see the yellow glow cast onto the floor and hurried to answer it.

The moment my finger slid across the call button, Yellow Diamond's face appeared in the glass before me. The cold background of outer space told me she phoned from her control room, and as usual, she cut right to business.

"Pearl, I'm glad I caught you. I called to ask if you've seen anything worth reporting. You've been there a while now."

"Oh, well," I placed my chin against my hand and released a breath. "I apologize, My Diamond. I haven't seen much of anything yet. Lady Morganite's Jasper has come over once, but she only held her still during a vision."

"She doesn't have you come to work with her?"

"No, My Diamond. I've only cleaned her chambers up to this point."

I could feel the back of my neck produce a bead of sweat, but an unmoving face is something I've learned to keep.

"I see. Jasper has only come once?"

"Yes, Madame."

Yellow Diamond paused for a moment, maintaining every fiber of sternness as she exhaled through her nose. "Be sure she's comfortable with you, and continue keeping an eye on her. I'll call back in the future."

"Yes, My Diamond. I certainly will."

She disappeared as quickly as her light intruded Morganite's office. Once every trace of yellow had disappeared, I wiped my brow and returned to my book.

If Yellow thought I would give up reading so easily, she was delusional. That's the problem with the Diamonds. They expect unconditional loyalty, but what would I gain from turning in Morganite? Likely nothing, and even if I did, I can almost guarantee it wouldn't be worth it. They would lock her up, perhaps shatter her, and send me back to Blue Diamond, where I could make her cry by existing.

I don't think so.

Since my conversation with Morganite, I began reading in the open. In the main room within sight of the front door, I sat on the fainting couch, book in hand, drinking tea like a spoiled noble.

The first few times she came home from work, I shut my book and jolted upright, as if I could pretend I wasn't just reading. She would grin at me but never laughed, even though I could see the amusement in the color of her cheeks. We might talk a while before sharing the couch as I continued to read, drinking tea and relaxing before she returned to work again.

About ten days after Yellow Diamond had called, she came back, holding a book and another box of macarons. At that point, I had stopped jumping every time the doors opened and glanced to her instead. My fingers had pressed the bookmark against the middle of a paragraph, exactly mid sentence when she arrived.

"Greetings, Lady Morganite."

"Hello, Pearl." She came further inside and set her items on the table, directly across from my place on the couch and took a spot by my side. "I wanted to apologize for earlier."

I didn't reply right away. "Apologize for what, Madame?"

"Well," she sat back and set her hands flat upon her legs. "I didn't want you to think that I was threatening you. I admit, I was worried when I knew for certain why you had come here. It was hard to say where your loyalties lay exactly, but…" she sighed. "I'd like things to be friendly between us. I don't see the point in living like we're both about to stab one another in the back."

"I agree," I said. What she had set upon the table caught my eye before we looked at one another again. "I don't intend on turning you in, My Lady. I miss Blue Diamond's Pearl, but I'd rather not go back."

"Thank you," Morganite released a breath. "I saw that Yellow Diamond called."

"She did."

"I assume it wasn't just to chat about your day."

"No, Madame."

She shook her head. "Was it any different under Pink? It's a pointless thought, but sometimes I imagine what could have been." The air grew silent and we stopped looking at one another. "You knew her personally. Even Jasper didn't get to meet her. She's told me everything she knows, in one way or another, but I'm still not satisfied."

A long pause stretched on, and I gasped through the tightening of my throat. "She was different." I took longer than I would have liked. "I used to read to her."

"It's okay," Morganite left her hand on my knee for a few seconds. "I can see it's hard to talk about. Maybe later." She might have touched me just to get a glance and stood up after that. "Well, the book and the cookies are for you, Pearl. Thank you for keeping me out of trouble."

She had left _A Tale of Two Courts_ , which was written after I began living with Blue Diamond. I hadn't had a chance to read it yet.

"Thank you, Madame." My fingers smoothed over its hard, glossy cover, leaving a mark.

"Of course. I hope you enjoy it."

She left to go to her office, and I flipped through the book without reading any words. It produced a pleasant scent, and the dark black print complemented the crème colored pages. I admired it several minutes before returning to the book I had left off on, its plain design jarring next to the beauty awaiting me on the table.

Even if Morganite was bribing me, I could learn to live with that.


	8. Chapter 8

On a free day, just after Morganite had given me _A Tale of Two Courts_ , I had gone to the library to read while she disappeared inside her office to tend to her paperwork. Sometimes Yellow Diamond would give her so much to do, the work accumulated from one day to the next, until Morganite had to work during her off time.

I asked her if she wanted my help, but she refused, saying she had to write and file the reports herself. Why she respected that rule and not others I don't understand.

The first part of the day passed quietly, between my occasional page turning and My Lady's typing. I only heard her tapping away at the machine when I passed her office to refill my tea, often stopping to tend to hers as well. She thanked me each time without breaking contact with the screen, whose light shone peach upon her face.

Only when I heard a dense drop from the other side of the chambers did the day become that much noisier. I ran to the office and called Jasper over top of Morganite's lamenting. The line rang as she pressed her palms into her eyes, trying to stop the blood.

Despite the countless times I had seen her have a vision, it never became any less unsettling. Her crying always drew ice cold tingles across my spine that paralyzed me, and through this sensation I would contact Jasper.

We never spoke much. She only needed to hear the anguish in the background to know what to do. That day followed the same sequence of events. I opened the door for Jasper, who picked up Morganite and took her away while I stayed inside the office.

Like the first time—like every time, Jasper held Morganite gently. As the seizure threw her, Jasper cradled and kept her still. Her legs might threaten to kick or her arms slap, but Jasper never allowed her to come to that point, and once the vision ended and Morganite sat unconscious, Jasper's big fingers cleaned the blood from her lashes.

About a minute after that, Morganite would usually open her eyes.

That day she coughed and nearly fell. "My stars," she put her hand on Jasper's arm.

"Was it bad today?"

"It was."

"What did you see?"

Both spoke softly. Jasper hadn't stopped holding Morganite, who didn't take her hands away either.

"I saw myself through your eyes. It's so embarrassing. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're doing this for the Diamonds. You should be proud."

At that point, Morganite sighed and went limp, using Jasper more as a pillow than a soldier.

"Did Yellow give you Pink Diamond's Pearl? What is she doing here?"

"She's my assistant. I turned in a lot of traitors last quarter, and I needed a Pearl anyway. Apparently, she'd seemed unhappy under Blue and both Yellow and she thought it would be best for her to serve a pink gem."

Jasper's attention flicked to the door where we almost met gazes, before she turned again to Morganite who had begun feeling up her arm. Her fingers brushed past a dark red stripe several times.

"You're sure she hasn't been sent to spy on you?"

"I touched her, Love. She's really just supposed to be my Pearl. I know it's surprising, but all the other nobles already have servants, and it's just good timing that she came to live with me. You don't have to worry."

"Alright."

Morganite kissed beneath Jasper's chin. "I'm almost starting to feel fortunate. Not only do I have Pink Diamond's very own Pearl, but her best soldier too. Not even _her_ best soldier, but _the_ best soldier. No matter who you belonged to, they would be bound to love you."

There was a pause as both touched one another so gently and Morganite cried a few bloody tears. I watched Jasper take them away as they became lost in one another, and eventually hooked their mouths together.

My stomach tightened.

What's always baffled me about sex is the fact that it can look so different, depending on who's participating. Of the countless times I had watched Blue and Yellow fuck, they never spent long kissing. Yellow would come in and start putting her hands all over Blue, eventually inserting her fingers where asked. Blue might reciprocate, or not, and as soon as they had finished, neither would linger longer than a few minutes. Yellow usually dressed first, blush disappearing as though she had practiced getting rid of it, and would leave speaking of duties or whatever. Then Blue would dress and see her out, trailing behind by several slow steps and standing a little too far from the door. Blue would then go back to moping, and at that point, Pearl and I would stop watching.

Morganite and Jasper, however, would hold one another for ages, dipping their tongues into each other's mouths. Whoever received the pleasure always ended up moaning. That day, Jasper put her hands under Morganite's skirts, and biting her lip, my mistress whispered to her, "No, let me get you off. You've had a long day."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Her hand slid beneath Jasper's uniform and played with her nipple, which protruded beneath the fabric. "Take off your clothes, soldier. Let me see those gorgeous stripes." Morganite was tearing and tugging on Jasper's uniform, which disappeared in a flash anyway and revealed every one of her muscles.

I can see why Morganite was drawn to her. Jasper's body was fit and nice to look at. As far as Quartz standards go, she was perfect, and My Lady would take her time smoothing her fingers along her stripes, admiring their color.

"For now, I just want you to sit there," she said. Already Morganite had slipped to the floor and planted kisses on Jasper's stomach. "I want to feel what you're feeling, so you can worry about me later, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

It was difficult to tell between the blurry borders of the door, but Jasper must have already gotten wet. Morganite began by tracing her middle and index fingers along her vagina, which had a border of white hair and lips as red as her stripes.

"Oh, Jasper," Morganite's fingers touched her clitoris, and she leaned her head back, exhaling quietly. "Every time I see you I can't get over how beautiful you are." She inserted two fingers. "I just want to fuck you all day."

Jasper sighed when Morganite added a third finger, and she closed her eyes when that dark pink tongue came to lap up her clitoris.

"Morganite—"

At that point, My Lady stopped answering and focused on pleasing her guest. She worked with practiced rhythm, alternating between licking and sucking, as well as sliding her fingers in and out.

It only took minutes for Jasper to come, at which point both parties caught their breaths with Morganite resting her head upon her partner's thigh. She hadn't stopped moving her hand, but slowed under the influence of pleasure.

"Wow," Morganite rolled as Jasper played with strands of her candy hair. "Can I do that for you again?"

Jasper almost laughed. "Of course."

"I love it when you climax," she caught her breath. "It's so intense."

She got Jasper off five times that visit, following the same pattern and riding the waves with her. She must have eaten her out for forty-five minutes before Jasper finally collapsed onto the fainting couch. She had soaked the space between her thighs and lay there, trying to recover as Morganite washed her hands and tidied her mouth with a handkerchief.

Even then, I was still masturbating and watched as My Lady returned and climbed on top of Jasper, hiking up her skirts as she leaned forward. Those big arms enveloped her.

"You made me so wet. Can you feel it?"

Observing Jasper's thick fingers fondle and push inside My Lady, I finished a third time. I clamped one hand around my mouth to keep from crying out and moved away from the door before I made more of a mess. I had wet the panties beneath my skirts and tried to clean them with my hands, to no avail.

But like an addict, I went back to the door.

With only one finger inside Morganite, Jasper was sucking on one of her breasts.

"Ah, Love—I'm—" She seized up and crashed. Their chests touched, and My Lady kissed the tip of Jasper's nose—the pink portion of her gem. "You've been here so long."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Never," Morganite put her tits back into the bodice of her dress and stroked through Jasper's hair, "but I don't want you to get in trouble. We'll see one another soon, I promise."

"I'll pay you back." Jasper landed a firm pat on Morganite's behind, causing her to shout playfully.

"No need, Darling, but I won't stop you."

Our guest lingered just a moment longer before dressing and leaving. Morganite walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye before it opened and anyone saw. Meanwhile, I scrambled amongst the office supplies to get the scent of pussy off of my hands, but it was too late.

Morganite called me from the other room and I emerged, hands behind my back, blushing, I'm sure.

"Thank you for alerting Jasper." She had her handkerchief still, acting as though she didn't just have another gem's vagina in her mouth. "Come here for a moment, would you?"

I stepped forward too slowly as she waited. I wasn't sure what exactly she had to say, but it turns out, nothing. Morganite lifted my skirts the second I stood close enough. Out of reflex, I shoved them back down, but patiently, she lifted them again and pulled me nearer by fistfuls of fabric.

She took the handkerchief and wiped between my thighs. Briefly, it tidied my skin and I could feel the fabric across my lips. As soon as she was done, Morganite dropped my skirts and leaned back.

"You can return to reading now, Pearl. That will be all."

"Yes, My Lady."

I ran to the library in a fever.


	9. Chapter 9

A few days passed again, but Morganite never commented on the mess I had made between my legs. I skulked around her chambers, ready to be scolded as if caught stealing, but she didn't say anything. Eventually, I settled down and continued reading, and one morning, before work, she came into the library.

"Pearl—" My Lady opened the door softly, sticking her head in. Hair brushed and uniform on, she always looked so official. I sat straight up. "Can I ask you to tidy the house a bit today, if you're feeling up to it? The dust is beginning to accumulate."

"Of course, Madame. I'll tend to it right away."

"Oh no—" She held out a hand. "You're welcome to finish reading first. I can see you're almost done. How do you find it?"

"It's good, My Lady. The writing and characters are very detailed. Thank you for allowing me to read it."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'll see you after work."

"Have a pleasant day, Lady Morganite."

"You too," her voice quieted as she shut the door with a soft click and exited through the main entrance. Like she had requested, I continued reading until devouring the final pages, and then I placed the book on the shelf.

The chambers weren't all that dirty, but I could see a few places where dust had begun to settle, so I took out my rags and went to work.

It's embarrassing to admit, but since living with Morganite, I had grown lazy. Before it was a means of distraction, being unable to read anyway, and any decent Pearl shouldn't be told to tidy up. Allegedly, it's something we're supposed to understand at the cores of our being—something we do to keep ourselves sane.

Maybe for some Pearls it is, and I'll admit that I've never minded cleaning, but I've never been compelled by it. Some house Pearls seemed driven to clean, either by duty or design, and I had watched them scrub down disgustingly spotless areas as though they were filthy. However, for every zealous house Pearl I had encountered, there was always at least one who only bothered when her Diamond lingered nearby. One of My Diamond's Pearls would put on a show, making full-on noises and mopping with exaggerated motions. Yet the moment we passed her, I would turn around and see her standing still, looking back at me with the ghost of a smirk on her lips.

We shared an uncanny resemblance, but her curly hair and rosy skin were darker, and she stood a little short with her gem on her lower stomach rather than the center of it.

I wonder if she hated me. I might have hated My Diamond's personal Pearl if my gem was slightly wrong, or my color was lighter or darker than desirable. If any of them did hate me, I don't know that they ever showed it. They couldn't have. I never left her side long enough for one of them to trip me or tear my outfit or even collide with me in the hallways.

To this day I wonder how Morganite tolerated it. I wouldn't want to know every detail of what others thought of me, but for her, it was written against the skin of everyone she had ever met.

After initially cleaning the chambers, it never took long afterward. If her cookie boxes and empty tea cups accumulated, I would tidy them immediately, and there was seldom that much dust.

I cleaned the corners of the room and wiped down the furniture. Her elegant coffee table shined and smelled of flowers when I had finished with it; I polished the kitchen countertops to sparkle, and as I purged the office door of any dust or grime it may have acquired, I found a few peculiar shavings on the floor, to the left of the frame.

They looked like bits of drywall. A few pieces coiled like strips of paper and others were hard chips, reminiscent of the shards of a broken gem. I searched the borders of the frame for a solution, reasoning that they would have to fall from above. Following the shavings from the ground up, I found a hole drilled somehow about halfway to the top of the door. Getting onto my knees, I could see perfectly into the office without having to lean over or bend uncomfortably.

From there, I stood and turned to the fainting couch for only a second before entering the office. On the other side of the wall, I lowered myself again to find an extremely clear view of the salon, with the couch in the dead center.

Whatever occurred on those cushions, I would be able to see perfectly from this spot.

I stood again and held the handle to keep from tripping. When had she made this hole? I hadn't even heard her do it. Why didn't I hear the tool she used? Did we even have such items in the chambers or did she have to borrow it? More importantly, did she _want_ me watching? Did it please her to have someone spying while she and Jasper appeared in various states of undress?

Or maybe this was just another layer of bribery, or worse, blackmail. 'I'll allow you to watch if you don't turn either of us in, and if you do turn us in, I'll show the court this hole and tell them _you_ made it, because who in her right mind would let her perverted little maid masturbate to her?'

I came to the couch and sat. Having collected the chips from the wall in my hand, I ran my fingers past them and stewed in a haze until eventually coaxing myself into moving and threw the bits of wall away. I resumed cleaning and upon purging the dust and the evidence, I went back to the library and sat on the floor before the bookcases. I didn't read or even take one of the books back to the main room. I merely ran all the implications through my mind.

An indiscernible amount of time had passed when the front door whizzed open, but where I came to anticipate My Lady calling me was instead silence where the sounds of her walking didn't echo. This sort of quiet indicated someone who had come in and stood only a step from the front door.

After a long pause, My Lady finally called me, and I stumbled out.

She had sat upon the sofa, and turned when I emerged from the library. "Pearl, would you sit with me a moment?"

"Yes, Madame."

We took up our normal places and Morganite uncrossed her legs. Setting them a little further apart, she filled with a breath and released it slowly.

"I think I'll get right to the point, if you don't mind. I know that you watched me make love with Jasper."

I didn't know what to say. I felt as though I were under a heat lamp. Accordingly, my neck began to sprout beads of sweat as my throat dried. My Lady continued.

"I don't care that you watch, but after each time, I would appreciate a little information about Pink Diamond. It doesn't have to be too much. If it hurts to talk about her, I can just hold your hand while you think instead."

I swallowed and asked, "Why do you want to know about her?"

"She was my Diamond too, Pearl. Even if she died before I emerged, I would have still wanted to meet her." She paused. "Sometimes my entire life seems wrong. I need to know if it's all my fault or if nothing could have been done and this is just the result of serving the wrong Diamond." Morganite bit her lip. "You might be able to put that question to rest, if someone, _anyone_ , would have loved me."

"Lady Morganite," I must have gasped. "Doesn't Jasper love you?"

To that, her mouth pursed and tightened, and those heavy brows of hers bent. I worried she might have been angry, but in place of an outburst, she breathed out, "If I weren't pink I doubt she would go on the way we are, but what's important is that _I_ love _her_ , and maybe once she's done being angry and afraid, she can love me back." Morganite stood. "I'm not threatening you into complying, but think about it. That, and on our free day, Goshenite has invited the both of us to her chambers, so consider if you'd like to come."

I would have normally said 'Yes, Ma'am,' but she had already started to walk away. Opening my mouth, I tripped and sputtered out the words, "She loved all of her gems." In response, My Lady turned to me and grinned, but that, too, was tainted. Despite the curve in her lips, she looked kicked, with an expression I had seen countless times on Pearls' faces but never a noble's.

Morganite went to her office and the door behind her shut with a solemn click. We never did end up discussing the hole.


	10. Chapter 10

I had gone to the market and collected a response from Blue Diamond's Pearl, which I sat and contemplated as Morganite readied herself in the main room. There wasn't much to report, only that Yellow Diamond's Pearl had been getting on her nerves and she had spent a busy few days at her Lady's side as she broke down crying on more than one occasion.

Sitting in the library, I had already prepared. My Lady had asked me to add a bow to my waist and that I straighten my hair, so I did. My normally untamed curls held more of a structure, and just above my skirts was a bright pink ribbon for me to touch countless times.

I slid my fingers to the end of it as Morganite called me.

She opened the library door dressed informally. Her outfit wouldn't have adhered to the dress code to attend work, but was plenty fancy with long peach skirts and frilly sleeves any gem other than a noble would not be allowed to wear. Now that I think about it, I don't think that I've ever worn anything other than a uniform. Pearls are always in service.

I'm sympathetic to those whose masters don't receive free days.

"Are you ready to go?" Morganite's face had darkened with a sort of artificial blush, and her deep brown eyes demanded even more attention by the virtue of thickened lashes. I would go as far to say that she looked cute.

"I'm ready when you are, My Lady."

"Well, let's head out, shall we?" She caught the paper in my hand. "Would you like me to keep that in one of my drawers, Pearl?"

"I usually stow it in a book, Madame."

"I know, but I wouldn't mind putting it in the desk. You don't have to hide it."

"Thank you, but would you be offended if I keep it here?"

Her lips curled. "I guess it must feel odd, putting your 'secret' notes inside my desk. It's an old habit, right?"

"I suppose it is."

"Well, I won't watch you hide it then." She winked. "Come out when you're ready. I'll be in the main room."

If I could say one nice thing about Morganite, it's that I never felt terrified of her knowing my tiny crimes. She never bothered to reprimand me over the dirty secrets most Pearls kept, where others would happily dole out beatings for similar infractions.

She must have known a universe of secrets.

I came out from the library and found her waiting, fingering the skirts of her gown. We moved into the halls after one final check.

At that particular moment, in our particular sector, on that particular day, there weren't many other gems around. Workers passed by, heading to their next assignments while our new Diamond's Peridots filled the background in clusters, fixing old systems after having torn out segments of the walls.

Goshenite lived in White Diamond's section of Homeworld, and we needed to warp, as walking from Morganite's chambers would require a considerable amount of time. It was fairly infrequent that either Morganite or I warped anywhere, and during the trek over, she turned back to me every few seconds almost as if to see that I still followed behind her.

"Pearl," she began during a particularly barren stretch of floor. Her voice echoed slightly against the lonely walls. "Have you thought about our deal?"

I was shocked that she brought it up outside our chambers, and didn't quite answer at first. My left hand clutched a bit of my skirt as my stomach tightened. Somehow, it felt like a sharp little kick, and I choked out, "I have, My Lady."

She turned to smile at me, grinning, oblivious. "Well, have you come to a conclusion?"

My response stood atop a delay. "I think so, My Lady."

"Oh, good," she turned and kept walking. From a distance away, a working Peridot glanced at both of us. "I'm glad you decided to come with me, Pearl. I know Goshenite scares you, but she's really quite sweet. You just aren't as familiar with her as I am. The sad thing is, she frightens a lot of gems, even though she has no intention to. She's helped me with my visions before, and I hope you can find it in yourself to like her a little, for my sake."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Around us, other nobles passed with their Pearls trailing steps behind. They came in pairs and remained quiet, aside from those aristocrats traveling in groups, and almost refused to make conversation with one another. Morganite broke this custom almost intentionally. Yet again, she drifted back and began a new topic, chatting with her feminine hands and making it difficult to maintain a set distance behind her.

"Have you ever been to White Diamond's sector?"

"I have, Madame."

"Oh, of course you must have. Have you ever seen the inside of her Palace?"

"I have, Madame."

"How did you find it?"

"It's lovely, Madame."

"It is, isn't it? We'll be going there to visit Goshenite. What will you do if we run into White Diamond?"

"I'll greet her cordially, Madame."

"Do you think she'll be happy to see you?"

"I'm not sure, Madame."

"I'm sure she will be. It's my understanding that Pink and White loved one another."

"They did, Madame."

"How charming." She must have wanted to ask me if they had ever made love, but managed to remember that we were in public.

Finally, we approached the warp pads and waited quietly for our turn. Few gems stood before us, and after only seconds we both stood upon the platform as the bright blue light came to sweep us away. For the first time since leaving, we stood next to one another and yet again, Morganite grinned at me.

It occurred to me later that this was the first time she had someone to walk with her to Goshenite's chambers, or perhaps anywhere. I had never gone with her to work or anywhere else, and she was likely giddy at the company, however silent I may have been.

Upon arriving in White Diamond's portion of Homeworld, the nobles suddenly changed colors. Where many before had been yellow, or orange, or even occasionally red, most of them here maintained a color close to white. Crème-colored ladies dressed to the teeth passed by us in the ancient halls, with the occasional Quartz soldier or wandering service gem to break up the monochrome.

Some of White's aristocrats owned more than one Pearl, representing their millennia of loyal service. Many of these Pearls came from a wealthier era, when producing a servant wasn't such a feat. If Homeworld wasn't so short on resources, I'm sure I would still be in Blue Diamond's library, while Morganite would have her own personal Pearl, peachy and made specifically to tattle on her.

Amongst a sea of beautiful nobles and iridescent slaves, I somehow felt lucky.

Morganite and I continued walking until all the colorful aristocrats disappeared. The guards sprinkled here and there turned purely white, as the silver embellishments and art upon the walls grew more abundant. My Pink Lady and I appeared more an eyesore with every step to the heart of that gaudy maze.

I had last come here with My Diamond, and since that time, the art and statues White collected seemed to have multiplied. Black and white paintings of her court members scattered everywhere, along with taller and taller statues presenting White's glory, in case anyone was confused. At one point, I had even found a painting of Goshenite sitting inside her Diamond's palm. The artist had captured her happy, because how could anyone be anything but in the cushion of a goddess's hand? If she were fortunate enough to be held in the first place, that is.

We approached White's chambers, which waited behind two Diamond-sized doors and two Quartz guards. One saw Morganite, saluted immediately, and without saying a word, went inside. The other crossed her arms, and said, "Greetings, Madame."

"Greetings, Milky. How have you been?"

"I've been just fine, My Lady. Thank you."

"You haven't been bored, have you? It must be awfully strenuous, having to stand and wait here the entire day. Does anyone ever to try to break in?"

"Oh—" Her pale cheeks burned grey. "No, I don't think anyone would dare, but we're always happy to receive a visit from you, Madame," and with a hand, she swept back some of her wild hair.

"I'm glad to hear it. I always delight in seeing the both of you when I come."

Just then, the doors opened again, and the first guard returned. "Madame, Lady Goshenite is having a vision at the moment that Our Diamond is graciously taking care of. She did say, however, that you're welcome to come inside, and that Lady Goshenite will be happy to find you upon waking up."

It was odd to hear a Quartz speaking so formally, but given that they were White's personal chamber guards, I suppose it wasn't that surprising. Still, I had never heard soldiers speak the way they did, neither in Pink's court, nor Blue's, nor Yellow's.

The layout of White's palace echoed the preservation of the formal and traditional. The reason we entered her chambers at all was due to the old custom of a Diamond allowing her aristocrats to live with her, and each noble received her own apartment inside.

To say White's chambers were enormous was an understatement. We walked inside to a long hallway that opened up to the main room, whose ceiling stood well taller than the height of the doors outside. The walls flourished with art of White's nobles, her Pearls, scenic photos from the colonies she owned, and of course—the Diamond herself. Most of her pieces were older than either My Lady or myself, and the curator of this museum of sorts sat in the center of it all, containing that odd little ghost on her lap with one hand.

White appeared almost exactly as I remembered her. Naturally towering and slightly slow as she turned her head to us. Her gem reflected the colors of a rainbow, having moved in the light, while darkness hung beneath her tired silver eyes.

Standing near her legs on the other side of her throne, I saw her Pearl. Her Diamond had nearly obscured her, but she turned toward me wearing the same look of utter apathy she always had. We regarded one another a moment before White Diamond moved to speak as Morganite and I bowed to greet her. By then, her Pearl had gone back to imitating a lamp.

"Oh, Pearl. It's been a long time." White bathed me in her focus while I caught one of Goshenite's arms flailing, which White stopped. I swear I could feel her focus on my bow, and after a moment, she moved her spotlight to Morganite. "I suppose this means she doesn't work for Blue any longer, but how did you get her?"

"My Diamond granted her to me, Madame. I needed a Pearl and both Blue and Yellow saw it fit that she should serve me, given we're both pink."

"I see," White looked both of us over and blinked exactly once before glancing to the gem in her hand. "You do look nice together, but I suppose Yellow would have had to do some arguing to convince Blue to give up that Pearl. She resembles Pink so well…"

To that, Morganite did not reply but merely bowed, as White didn't look to either of us.

It was at that moment that a flash of fuchsia caught my attention inside one of the halls behind White Diamond, where I found off-colored curls to mirror my own and eyes equally willing to stare. Having connected to one another, neither of us broke contact, which caused White to slowly turn toward the other Pearl's direction, spot her, and come back to My Lady and me.

"Oh, yes," she seemed to gather her thoughts. "I have one of Pink's Pearls as well. If you don't need her to accompany you, Morganite, she's welcome to go to the servant's quarters. It might be nice for them to catch up."

The other pink Pearl, her gem too low, nodded and lifted her arm to wave me over, but stopped and put it back down.

"Thank you, Madame. I'm sure they would enjoy talking."

White Diamond didn't look at us, instead turning to Goshenite, who had begun to cough and move again, but not in the violent, possessed motions a vision would cause. White sat her up with both hands, and offered a thumb for the phantom to hold. Goshenite held it with both hands and set her brow into the ridges of White's print. They remained that way for a while.

"My Beautiful, Sparkling Diamond, I'm so sorry. I got blood on your gown."

"It's no matter. Whatever marks you left will come out. How do you feel?"

"Better, My Diamond. Thank you."

"Of course. Your friend is here."

"Oh, no."

"Don't worry. She hasn't been waiting long. When you're feeling well enough, I'll put you down so you can greet her."

"I don't look ugly, do I, My Diamond?"

"Not at all, and even if you did, Morganite would understand. She has visions too."

Goshenite leaned into her Diamond's hand and exhaled. Her long, normally straight hair had crinkled and tangled during her vision, which she tried to rearrange as droplets of thick grey blood fell from her eyes. With one careful index finger, White touched under her noble's chin and stroked the top of her head.

"I'm feeling better, My Diamond. Thank you kindly."

"It's nothing, little one. I'm going to set you down now."

With one hand, White lowered Goshenite to the ground. Her feet landed with a soft tap, and she cleaned her face again. Still, she looked rather disheveled, hair askew, dress crinkled and speckled with blood.

Goshenite glanced to Morganite a moment, and back to her Diamond. "Thank you again, Madame."

"Have fun with your friend. Each of you are dismissed."

White sat back up in her chair, body creaking as her back straightened, and closed her heavy eyes. Not looking to any of us anymore, she remained just as still as her Pearl next to her. We bowed and eventually scattered.

Morganite addressed me first, "Pearl, would you like to visit the servant's quarters?"

The other pink Pearl was still waiting by the hallway.

"Certainly, Madame."

"Well, have a fun time. I'll find a way to alert you when it's time to go."

"Yes, Ma'am."

At that point, both nobles left for a corridor that led to Goshenite's chambers. I glanced briefly to White, who still sat stationary with her eyes closed, and then to her Pearl, who met my eyes briefly but said and did nothing. I then turned to the one standing across the way, who really had started to wave me over, and quickly, I went to her.


	11. Chapter 11

The other Pearl and I went to the servant's quarters, quiet as we walked down the long hall. She looked at me, eyes wide and disbelieving. I'm sure my face mirrored hers, in both expression and just about everything else.

"I can't believe you're here," she said. "I thought I would never see you again."

"I know. I can't believe White is allowing me to catch up with you. I thought she would be—"

"Stricter?" We passed a portrait of all of White's Pearls, who stood in three rows and held austere poses. I didn't look for long, but each of them faced toward the painter, presented in hues of white that varied from servant to servant.

"I thought she would have been stricter too, but she doesn't really seem to care, as long as you do as you're told. Get your cleaning done, stay out of trouble, and you're fine." She put her hands on her hips. "I thought you were serving Blue Diamond, but it looks like you've changed courts. What happened?" A crooked smile came onto her face, not necessarily malicious, but curious—mischievous.

I answered, "Yellow Diamond wanted me to watch her, and keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

"Oh, she fucks her bodyguard, right?"

I stopped walking about two and a half steps later. So did she.

"What? Doesn't everyone know? I mean, none of us have any proof, but," she approached a room, turned, and hit me with a grin showing most of her teeth. "Well, is it true?" Before waiting for me to respond, she opened the door and polluted the air with chatting and noise. I followed her in and walked into a sea of eyes, grey and silver, all of which laser-focused onto both of us.

The talking ceased, and I stood before an entire room of miniature White Diamonds, each Pearl perfectly round and iridescent. Like her, their gems held a rainbow of colors and had untamed hair in varying shades of grey. Dressed beautifully in their airy uniforms, the twenty of them lounged around parts of the room, upon crinkled sheets or even the cluttered floor, all interrupted from talking trash, all staring at me.

"Holy shit," one said and stood, coming to touch both of my shoulders. "There's another Pinky! Are you going to live here?"

"No, I'm just—"

Someone came and touched my hips, while tangling her fingers into my hair.

"Wow, how did you come here?"

"And where have you been?"

"Were you her personal Pearl?"

"Were you a house Pearl too?"

"Look at her bow! She had to be her personal Pearl!"

"Ladies, please. Stop touching her." The other Pink Pearl took their hands off of me and sent them away, but I was still the beacon that drew their attention. My entire body felt both sticky and violated, and standing there, I became aware of the ruined curls that tickled my cheeks. My stomach turned.

"This is my friend from Pink's court," my mirrored and distorted twin told them. "She used to be My Diamond's personal Pearl, so maybe you sluts could have some class?"

"Fuck you, Pinky!"

"Yeah, fuck you!"

"We want to talk to her! Why does she get to be _your_ friend?"

"We served the same Diamond!" 'Pinky' took my arm as more than one of the other Pearls continued fighting. So many of them yelled, I couldn't understand what any were saying, other than the one-word insults and monosyllabic whining.

Pinky pulled me out of the room and back into the hallway, where the riot disappeared behind the door, and we started walking away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I thought we could talk in there, but I didn't think they'd react like that. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Honestly, my head was still spinning, high on the shock.

My company stopped for a moment to set my curls back into place. Her fingers moved gently, barely brushing past my skin. "They're such fucking animals. There's too many for White to pay attention to anymore, so they get away with murder, or at least molestation. She doesn't even need all of these Pearls, so they get bored, and rowdy, and then they pull this shit." She adjusted my bow and we continued. "Luckily there's a little room around here everyone has forgotten about. We use it for relaxation, but it shouldn't be as full as the quarters."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem. I want to gossip with you anyway, and that's not going to work out in there."

I wished I would have gotten a chance to talk to her when we lived together.

We approached another door, which Pinky held open for me, and inside were two Pearls on a couch, sitting very close. Both white, one had a hand on the other's leg and turned to me, blushing and incredulous, as if they had a right not to get caught.

"You two should know better than to be making out in here," Pinky slid past me and entered the room.

"Where the hell else are we supposed to go?"

"I don't know, but I need a quiet place to talk to my friend. I might not get to see her for a long time, so if you'd let us chat here, I'd really appreciate it."

One of them sighed. "Fine, but we both want a favor."

"Done."

That was all it took to get them to stand. They slid their hands together and walked toward the door, where both stared me right in the eyes and after a pause, left.

The now-empty room, with the lonely sofa in the center, looked old and smelled vaginal, with a few stains on the floor I didn't bother inquiring about.

"Sorry," Pinky said, "there aren't many places a Pearl can go in this palace, and some do come here to fuck. I wish we could have a nicer place to sit, but there's just nothing else around."

"I understand. Do you know what this room was for originally?"

"No idea," she walked to the couch and sat down, leaving space for me on one side. "I think it was locked for a while until someone pried it open. It kind of seems like no one else knows about it, so if you could keep it a secret…"

"I won't tell anyone." I sat next to her and both of us released relieved sighs.

"So, tell me about that Morganite. You like it at her place?"

"You first. You haven't told me how you've been."

"Alright," she leaned back and gave me another crooked smirk. "I don't know if there's much to tell, really. I went from cleaning Our Diamond's house to cleaning White's, and I feel like I get away with more here, but I have to say, I'm not any happier. I miss Our Diamond a lot. She was sweet, and you know, she gave a fuck. White Diamond—any of us could go missing and she'd hardly notice. I see this look on her face sometimes and I think she wishes it was her instead."

I didn't reply and she continued, "You know, back in Pink's palace, some of the Pearls would fuck each other, but not as many as here. It's like an orgy. You'll walk into the quarters and find them in a pile, naked and moaning— _in front of everyone_. Those two you just saw—those are two of the decent ones. They might actually be in love, but the others? No. They all do whatever they want and as long as they clean well enough, no one gets in trouble. Not like I want it strict, but come on, you know? I shouldn't walk into our room and have to see someone's pussy hanging out. Like I said, _animals._ "

The way she put it made me laugh. I felt sorry for her, but I couldn't help but giggle, and how she talked with her hands only made it worse.

"You think that's funny, huh?"

"No—" I spat out, and tried (and failed) not to keep laughing. "No, that's honestly terrible. It's just—"

"I know. Pussies are funny things." We both shared a chuckle until she tapped me once upon the shoulder. "Alright. I told you and now you tell me. What does your lady get up to? Is it true she fucks her bodyguard?"

My face must have turned pinker, because my forehead started to swim.

"I see. I figured that one was true."

"That one?"

"Yeah, I mean. There are other rumors too. Like she's taken other gems to her office and fucks them right there."

It took me a moment to respond. "No. If that were the case, Yellow Diamond wouldn't need me to spy on her. Don't you think she would have been caught or told on before now?"

She shrugged, "Probably. That's why you can't trust all of these rumors, you know? You have to assume that at least two-thirds of them are total bullshit, but you have to admit, they're entertaining." A pause occurred, where both of us looked at one another. "The only reason any of the Pearls care about Morganite is because they see her come in from time to time, sometimes after she's had a cozy conversation with one of the guards outside."

"I think if she were going to fuck one of them they would come to our residence, and I would have seen it. There's no way she's stupid enough to call gems to her office, if that's what she has in mind."

Pinky put her hands up, half in a shrug and half in defense. "I don't think so either, both of those are just what a bunch of bored Pearls come up with." Her lips pursed and she paused. "Can I ask you about one more?"

I sighed, "Sure."

"Have they…fused?"

"No," my reply came too quickly. "I've never seen them do anything like that."

"At least not in front of you."

That made me angry. I didn't follow Morganite everywhere, but where on Homeworld would they go to fuse? I'm sure together, they would have become so enormous there would be no hiding, and even if there were, how could My Lady just pull Jasper away whenever she wanted, without a vision or a reason? My mind calculated like an angry typewriter as I sat there, saying nothing.

"Hey, I didn't mean to piss you off. I'm sorry." She put her hand on my shoulder.

"Where did you even hear these rumors?"

"From Goshenite's Pearl. I don't know how _she_ found all of this out. Now, it seems like she might have been embellishing too. I guess she listens in when they talk—"

"But they don't talk. They don't need to. Whenever Goshenite comes over, she and Morganite only hold hands, because of their powers."

"Oh, well. She probably just wanted to impress the rest of us, then. Thanks for clearing that up."

We sat amongst another silence, where I picked at my nails in that smelly little room. "Listen," I started. "You won't tell anyone the truth, will you? I'd like to stay where I am, and if someone finds out…"

"Hey, don't worry. I won't say a thing. If the other Pearls ask me, I'll just tell them you haven't seen anything, but Blue Diamond's was that bad, huh?"

"It was miserable."

"I'm sorry about that. It can be pretty miserable here too, but it's not that bad for the most part. Like I said, you can get away with a lot, but I still miss her. I think she really loved us. She'd even still scoop me up sometimes, pat me on the head. White barely looks at us."

I put my hand on her shoulder then. "Please don't say anymore."

"It still hurts, huh?"

My body made a sharp breath I didn't want it to, and I answered, "Yes."

"I know it does." To my surprise, Pinky hugged me, and both of our wild curls brushed against one another. Hers tickled my face, and I embraced her back.

"I worried you might have hated me."

" _Hate you?_ No. Some of us were jealous, but no one _hated_ you. Come on." She tightened her arms. "I mean, someone had to be her personal Pearl, and I never took that _personally_." Pinky laughed.

I did too, though the next words came through choking. "Do you, I mean—" I hesitate to admit how much I struggled. "Do the others blame me?"

"For what happened?" Something distraught lived on her face, but eventually she said, "Nah. I can't speak for everyone, but I never blamed you. _It wasn't your fault._ Really, I'm glad I found you today. I still think about you from time to time, and I'm happy you're alright."

"I'm happy you're alright too."

We held each other a while longer and then stopped, taking up our old places on the sofa. Our conversation went on a while longer, about her life, about my life, and even about the future, until she felt it was time to go and we both stood to leave. Before we reached the door, however, she stopped, leaving me steps ahead of her, and said, "Hey, your lady…" I stared at her, perhaps more intensely than I intended. "She hasn't tried anything with you, has she?"

"No," I said, "she hasn't."

Then we left the room, entering the hallway without speaking much more. It turns out her timing was on the spot, as another Pearl came to tell me that Morganite was waiting in the main room.

I hugged Pinky again before I left, looking back at her every few seconds as I returned to My Lady, so we could leave.


	12. Chapter 12

I had finished writing to Blue Diamond's Pearl, having updated her on my life, which didn't bring much news either. I told her about going to see Goshenite and running into the other pink Pearl, and towards the end of it, I couldn't help but ask if rumors about Morganite circled around Blue's court. I doubted there were, as her gems were unlikely to see her, but it seemed worth inquiry. Maybe someone there did know, or at least suspected, or even gossiped.

Days after I had written the note, I wore its contents upon my skin, so worried of My Lady bumping into me that I must have thickened the braille on my arms and legs. I hoped so intensely she wouldn't touch me that I'm sure I made it easier to read.

If she did catch onto my gossiping, she didn't let on that she knew. We acted normally, as she prepared and went to work, and I read, occasionally cleaned, and read more. My Lady would greet me, but didn't mention my trash-talking, nor bringing up the perverse deal we hadn't yet agreed to. Even when she left, I could feel that out-of-place hole leering at me from across the main room, practically peering under my skirts and soaking in masturbation.

I moved behind the closed doors of the library, until Morganite came back and I greeted her.

One rotation she returned and set herself upon the fainting couch, lying flat and face down. Before any greetings transpired between us, she called me.

"Pearl, would you call Jasper? I think I feel a vision coming on."

That wasn't how it worked. The visions would take her like a tidal wave and never left room for discussion. They would lay her out, spasming and kicking without debate, but I hurried to the office anyway and called Jasper. She gave me her normal response of, "Understood. I'm on my way," and I remained in that room, more glared at than ever by that loud little hole, calling me to stare at what should have been My Lady's undulating corpse.

But she wasn't undulating. She barely moved, just as still as when she lay down and in the same place. A quick rage broke inside me like the snapping of a pipe, and in no time, the door opened and Jasper made her way inside.

She stopped however, a short distance from the couch, and at the sound of her halting I went and watched to find her crossing her arms.

"Morganite," by her tone, she must have come to the same conclusion I had. "Don't call me unless you're actually having a vision," and then she turned to leave.

"Wait!" My Lady sat up at the edge of the couch, hair messy and loose around her face. Her skirt tugging in places from the sudden change in poses, she looked desperate and dramatic, like a woman in a painting, begging.

"I was about to go on a mission." Jasper actually did turn, one foot toward the door and the other to Morganite. "I can't be here whenever you want me to be. The least you could do is take this seriously." She turned again and elicited an immediate plea.

"You can't leave now! It will look suspicious if you dash back out, just like that."

Jasper actually glared at her, and her jaw worked with unspoken admonitions that flared and died within her mouth. Grinding their bodies to chalk between her teeth, she scowled and said, "Then what do you want me to do?"

"Well, you could stay here and chat with me, since you're already here."

I feared for My Lady's life. Maybe that was ridiculous, as Jasper wouldn't really kill her, but at that moment, she looked ready to break her into pieces. The wild thing was that Morganite remained calm. Untensing her legs, she sat normally, blinking her flirty lashes once or twice, and leaned against the back cushion of the couch.

"You can punish me, if you want." She adjusted her skirts and brushed out the wrinkles. "I don't need to touch you to know you want to, Jasper, and I agree. I think I could use a good spanking." Her fingers began gathering up the expanses of her dress, exposing her naked legs like a curtain rising. "Why don't you spank me once for every minute of yours I've wasted? When I'm sitting in my office tomorrow, I'll remember the naughty thing I did and I'll never, ever do it again. At least not until I need another spanking," she winked and even I wanted to hit her.

Jasper probably did too, because she had turned toward her, breath hitching. She had become like a creature poised to attack, tear one of those arms off and leave a pink splatter where Morganite used to sit.

"Come on," she said, and lowered herself onto her hands and knees. Still upon the couch, she had faced her naked bottom toward Jasper, probably having removed her undergarments before her arrival. I caught sight of her vagina, slick, and she playfully shook her ass. "Spank me. Bite me. Fuck me up. Look at how badly I want you to tear this pussy apart."

For a moment, Jasper stood in place, debating. I don't know the protocols acting over her, but harming Morganite was safely against them. Still, her body tensed with something violent, something feral, and she went to the couch and took Morganite onto her lap.

The ease with which Jasper picked her up caused my stomach to wrinkle, and the moments before the first hit passed slowly. One enormous arm wrapped around Morganite's stomach to keep her from moving, as the other lifted and hesitated in the air, as if remembering whose pink ass it would swat.

But Morganite squirmed and accused, "Come on, you bitch. I know how much you want to do it. I can feel it in your fucking blood. _Hit me_."

Still, Jasper's arm hovered like the blade of a guillotine, seconds before a beheading. Her eyes gleamed in much the same way, and just as Morganite opened her mouth to offer more encouragement, Jasper spanked her.

The force moved through My Lady's body like an earthquake, shaking her from ass to forehead and popping her rosy skin pinker. Even after the first hit, Jasper didn't stop. Like a force unleashed, she slapped My Lady again and again, causing her to squeal each time, both playful and responsive to what must have been painful.

"Reprimand me!" Morganite yelled between claps, loud as thunder. "I know you want to!"

For that, Jasper smacked her extra hard. "Don't waste my time and don't tell me how to spank you!" Another clap. "You're spoiled even when you're getting punished! Just shut up and take it!"

Obediently, Morganite shut her mouth. To keep from crying, she bit down on her bottom lip while Jasper rattled her teeth and took her flesh from dark pink to red to purple. I wondered if she had begun to bleed, as the force could easily burst open her skin. I had lost count, but she seemed to endure thirty smacks from Jasper's paddle of a hand, and lay upon her lap afterward, exhausted.

Jasper looked over her work. Gently, ironically, she smoothed her hands over Morganite's back and hips, around the skin she had turned raw. She took care to keep from touching it directly, but looked it over like some prized, expensive fruit, and wasted little time cramming two entire fingers inside of her.

Morganite came alive in response, and from my spot on the office floor, I could see why. Usually, Jasper would only use one finger, and with two, she had stretched her open as wide as she would go. Her vagina looked strained, stuffed absolutely full and brimming, ready to push those fingers out, but having no choice but to accept them. She winced, but with the dropped brows of a coming orgasm as Jasper shoved her knuckles in deeper, removed them, and stabbed them inside again. Morganite cried and gripped the couch cushions as Jasper's fingers came out soaked.

"Are you going to call me again when nothing's wrong?"

My Lady deepthroated a scream. "No—I promise—"

"That's right, you spoiled whore—" Jasper grasped both of her wrists inside her free hand and lifted her, causing her to dangle upright, facing towards the office door. Where her legs would have stood, they hung freely, and I received a frontward view of My Lady's vagina, torn open by Jasper's fingers as they plunged inside.

Eventually, her skirts fell forward from the force, and like a frilly curtain, censored the cruelty between her legs. Jasper actually stopped and ripped her fingers out. She used both her hands to tear the gown to stardust, leaving Morganite's tits free and pussy wide open as they recommenced. I saw a bit of blood slicked and distributed equally on both Jasper's fingers, which she continued ramming into the hilt, restraining My Lady's arms, and biting into her shoulder.

At that point, I had made a wet spot on the floor that I could feel soaking into my panties, under which I had rubbed raw. I'm not proud of that, nor am I proud that I kept playing with myself as Jasper continued to tear up her skin with merciless teeth, sucked and bit at her nipples until they had turned purple, left bites along her thighs where no one would see beneath her clothes, but Morganite and I would know all about them. I kept rubbing and watching as Jasper forcefully inserted fingers into Morganite's mouth, and ass, and kept rubbing as she choked.

When enough time had finally passed, Jasper set My Lady upon the sofa, and with wet and bloodied fingers fixed her tangled hair. She paused, looking over her work. Even at that angle, I could see a wet spot between her legs.

Morganite reached over and held Jasper's pinky, not aiming for any digit in particular.

"I have to go." Some gentleness had returned to Jasper's voice, and with one of those big hands, she touched My Lady's forehead, "I'll see you next time."

"Okay," came the hardly conscious reply. "See you next time."

Just like that, they shared a brief kiss and Jasper left, lingering in the doorway and looking back at My Lady, but only for a moment before going.

I stood and dusted myself off, thighs sticking together, and waited for her to call me. Where her voice usually followed Jasper leaving, however, resided a long silence where I didn't even hear her shift. I looked into the main room through the hole and saw her lying there, mostly unconscious, so I quietly opened the office door and slipped outside.

Not far away from her, I couldn't help but stare. Morganite had her legs open to me, thighs thoroughly soaked, but her lips were reddened with deep raspberry blood, smeared on like sloppily applied make-up. I glanced at the rest of her as well, skin torn and missing chunks where Jasper had bitten, but only in places her clothing would cover. Her bodyguard had at least been careful of that. Morganite's breasts looked swollen, her stomach bruised with harsh love bites and her ass bright red.

She opened her eyes just as I tried to keep moving.

"Pearl—" Her voice cracked, tired and weepy, followed by a cough. "Can you bring me a blanket?"

I wasn't sure if she saw me. Independent of anything else, she stretched out a leg.

"Yes, Ma'am," I said, and went to our little closet of supplies, tearing down the blanket on the upper shelf. Why she didn't dress herself I didn't understand, but I suspect she liked being naked, and thus relished the aftermath of the horror show I had witnessed.

I set the thick pile of fabric at her feet and tried to walk away, but she called me again.

"Pearl—" There were tears in her eyes. "Did you watch?"

I froze in place, trying to will away the fluid dripping out of me, as if freezing would keep that area from being moist. What I received instead, however, was merely more heat. "Yes, Madame," my throat constricted. "I did."

Then, lazily, she opened her eyes, which fought past the lethargy, to look me right between the legs.

" _Did you even enjoy that?_ " I couldn't stop myself. A lady might slap her Pearl for getting so mouthy, but she wasn't going to get up.

"Of course. Jasper enjoyed herself so I did too." Her words didn't come clearly. "Have you ever made love before, Pearl?"

I didn't answer her question. The venom dissolved my response anyway. Instead, I asked her, "Do you call that love-making?"

"Please don't be mad at me too. I'm so tired," she tucked a foot beneath the blanket, still folded up. "Will you tell me about Pink Diamond?"

" _Is that why you did this?_ " My hair felt like it caught fire, curls burning away.

"You watched…" Despite my rage, Morganite was going to sleep.

She said nothing more as I stamped into the library and slammed the door. Nor did she say anything to the slam, and I pulled out my note to Blue Diamond's Pearl.

I wrote a paragraph at the bottom and ranted about what I had witnessed, about how I wished Morganite wouldn't play these games, and my annoyances at her being unconscious over something so stupid. The entire thing was stupid.

If anyone other than Blue Diamond's Pearl found this note, we would be in serious trouble, but I didn't care. I finished writing and stowed it away again, then fumed over pages of a book I ended up having to reread.

For her next shift, Morganite ran a little late. I hadn't bothered waking her up.


	13. Chapter 13

I ended up sending the note to Blue Diamond's Pearl. It wouldn't be for a while that my anger subsided. I didn't care that she had degraded herself, rather that she played me again. Horrendous or not, I would have watched whatever happened on that couch, and now I had to tell her something about My Diamond, whoring out my memories for cheap thrills.

To Morganite's credit, she let me be angry. We didn't talk about what happened and our lives seemed to go back to normal, until each negative emotion melted slowly away. Once they were almost gone, much like the scratches and bruises on her skin, she finally called me over to her and started. "Pearl, I don't mean to pry, but will you tell me something about Pink Diamond? I won't force you to say anything, but you did watch."

Some bile made its way up my throat—old anger that came back to choke me. "You tricked me, My Lady."

" _Tricked you?_ I might have arranged Jasper's visit, but I didn't make you watch. I wouldn't have minded if you sat at my desk and listened the entire time, but you _saw_."

Something hard had warped her normally soft expression. "I haven't touched you because I respect your space, but I know you did. I don't need to feel what I can see on your face. It's written all over you, and if you're so damn appalled, why don't you just turn me in like Yellow Diamond asked?" She paused, stared, and went on to answer her own question. "Oh, that's right. You don't because you like it here, and I think you genuinely like watching too. I saw come dripping down your legs afterward. Your skirts don't do such a great job of masking your wet panties, Pearl." Morganite sat back, pointing her glare towards the office door. "Don't think for a second you can hide the truth from me."

I gulped and looked at her.

She was right. I didn't have to watch, but I couldn't resist and she knew that. There's some twisted part of me that always loved watching. It's what we Pearls were made for. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

"Lady Morganite, everyone calls them visions but what do you see?"

She sighed, and her face softened again. "I see a lot of things. They're kind of like dreams, but only about the gems I've met, only about the gems I've touched. I think I collect things from their subconscious. It's never anything any of them have thought about directly, but all of these images still come. Sometimes I get them from the gems I interview, things that they felt guilty about or crimes they've committed, things that they weren't accused of when I sent them to Yellow Diamond for their trials." She paused. "Jasper's memories of war come to me often, even though she doesn't like to think about it. But they've become part of her, and I end up seeing these violent images, like some of the gems she's shattered or the times she's been wounded. I know she doesn't remember those things around me, not consciously, but I end up with them anyway—sometimes over and over again. It's like I'm brushing her off but we both end up covered in dust, none the better for it."

After that, neither of us said anything as I burned with inappropriate questions I didn't have the courage to ask.

"Go ahead," Morganite said, as if responding directly to my thoughts. "You want to say something."

"Well," that under-the-spotlight feeling came and a few beads of sweat gathered beneath my outward-jutting curls. "If you know that Jasper has shattered other gems, weren't you afraid a few days ago, when…"

"No," she didn't seem offended. "Jasper did what she had to do during the war. She wouldn't hurt me."

"But didn't it hurt?"

"Sure it did, but she wouldn't shatter me. Even then, things got carried away and she knew it, but she was having such fun I didn't want her to stop."

I really and truly had nothing to say.

"Enough about that. Why is it that you don't like to talk about Pink Diamond?"

Not like that was much easier. Even at the question, my throat snapped closed, but like an idiot I tried to work through it, taking in a breath and leaving my mouth agape. Morganite waited, and eventually I worked out, "I miss her. I just—I loved her."

"But I think there's something more to it."

I really shut down then, as if crinkling up into a discarded tissue, similar to the frills of my outfit.

"Listen, Pearl. I think it would be good for you to talk about it. Wouldn't you agree it's sad you avoid thinking about her? I know it has to hurt. She was your Diamond, but acting like she never existed isn't going to help. If anything, it's going to make it worse."

I was paralyzed, shaking and half-conscious because my nerves retroactively turned this moment into a blur. Shadowy around the edges of my vision, I watched Morganite extend her hand.

"At least try to think about why it hurts."

Seeing no other option, I took it.


	14. Chapter 14

That was the longest Morganite and I had touched. She was a good sport, gentle as she pressed her hands against my heartlines and closed her eyes as not to stare. I appreciated that. This was already more intimate than I wanted and she must have known.

Despite her consideration, she didn't leave me symptomless. I felt her, like icing atop my thoughts, recording every word and image that passed through my mind. My skin felt coated in plastic, and Morganite, from the dirt beneath my nails to the folds between my toes, framed and hung me up.

"I know this must be odd," our eyes met, "but just focus on her, whatever you want to show me."

"What do you—"

She cut me off. "Anything, really. How was her personality? What did she look like?"

The first minute had passed, and my anxiety began to subside. I wondered if I was genuinely calm, or if Morganite had siphoned my negative emotions. At that point, my veins were like pipes leading into hers, and I couldn't feel the full panic my body suffered. My toes chilled and my limbs shook, but I could hardly acknowledge the feelings causing it.

The initial minutes out of the way, I pictured Pink Diamond. My memories fluttered by like a series of files thrown onto the floor from a cabinet as the security camera of My Lady's eyes recorded the sequence.

She asked, "What would you two do together?"

A typical free day came to mind.

My Diamond towered over me in her private chambers as usual. Having awoken from a nap, she sat upon her cushion and leaned over me, rubbing away the sleep and opening her mouth to yawn.

She never made me feel threatened by her size. Even in her shadow, I never worried she would step on me by accident, nor that she would harm me unintentionally. Those big, beautiful eyes always looked upon me kindly, sharp as the points inside them, but softened by her chubby lips grinning.

"Pearl," She took the tips of her fingers and carefully pinched the top layer of my hair. Like hers, it stuck out from my forehead. Pulling them, she released them and smiled when they bounced back into place. "Would you like to play a game?"

"Of course, My Diamond. What game would you like play?"

"Why not hide and seek?"

"Would you like to hide, Madame?" I made this joke whenever we played this game, and she laughed every time.

"No—" My Diamond touched my hair again. "I think I'd like to seek today, but maybe next time. I'll give you twenty seconds. Ready?"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Alright. One—" She covered her eyes and began to count as I ran. "Two—"

"Just in this room, My Diamond?"

"Please. Three—"

What made playing in her room fun were all the potential hiding places a Pearl could fit into. I could run beneath her chair, or tuck into the cushions of our bed (if she wasn't sitting in it), hide inside a pillowcase, go into our closet and huddle inside a basket, but that day, I rushed for the curtains of our enormous window.

"Ten…Eleven…"

Tucking myself within its folds, I tried not to rustle them too much, and waited.

"Nineteen…Twenty!"

The curtains were thick, but became slightly translucent whenever light flared through them. My silhouette could have appeared along the bottom, which always showed darker than the fabric in front of the glass. Visible or not, it was too late, so I waited as she searched, giant but creaking around the room.

"Pearl…" I heard her lift one of the cushions scattered upon the floor. "Where are you?"

She looked beneath the armchair. I heard its back legs cry as she lifted and set it back down with a thud. "Where are you hiding, little one?"

It's possible she might have seen me but pretended not to for the sake of the game. I had caught her doing that once, when I had tucked myself inside her pillowcase. We had just started playing and she picked it up to search through it, squeezing deliberately. I felt her fingers over me and she must have felt me too, because she drew them away. When she should have reached inside and pulled me out, she set the pillow back down.

My Diamond looked in the closet next, causing its hinges to whisper and I giggled at how far off she was, only to clasp a hand over my mouth.

Her footsteps came closer. As stealthy as she tried to be, her movement always made the ground quake, and I felt her stop not far from the window.

"Pearl? Where are you?"

Now that she was closer, something inside me quickened as she stood there, motionless, debating where to search.

"Can I have a hint?"

I responded with silence and after a time, she walked to a pile of books sitting in the corner. They were made specifically for her, thus causing another quake when the back cover of the bottom book slid across the floor. In my peripheral vision, I caught her leaning over to inspect the space between the pages and the wall, but finding nothing, looked in my direction.

The panicking grew worse as she kept staring at the edge of the curtains. I gasped in a breath and held it, inflating as silently as possible through the ventilation of a few fingers. I wished she would just find me already. My Diamond was so close and so still she _had_ to know. Was she playing with me, having seen one of my legs between folds in the fabric and just decided to work me into a frenzy?

I slid beneath the curtains and made a run for the cushions in the middle of the room, convinced that if My Diamond caught me, she would gobble me up. She would no doubt find me, but maybe I could escape if I hid. I had a head start.

"Pearl!" She sounded surprised. "You're not supposed to run!"

I remember screaming and diving into the cushions, and My Diamond laughing as she came over to search.

"You can come out." Her voice bubbled with amusement while she pulled away the pillows and found my legs sticking out beneath one of their corners. My Diamond took me by the hips and cupped me in her hands, grinning. "It looks like I found you."

I grinned too. "I'm sorry, My Diamond. I panicked."

"I know. It was cute."

Our free time changed when we went to Earth. We moved and left her house Pearls behind so they could keep cleaning, transitioning into a new chapter of our lives composed of long meetings and important visits from the other Diamonds. My Lady accepted her duties, still vibrant enough, but completed each day drained. White's seriousness seemed to rub off on her, when she worked all day and smiled less. It never stopped her from playing with my hair when I read to her, or talking to me inside her palanquin, as Earth's weather changed outside.

"Isn't this planet beautiful?"

I was standing at her feet, watching with her as the sky turned grey and droplets of water fell from it, something that frightened us the first time, but eventually became enjoyable.

Time ticked by so quickly on that planet. I miss that. Compared to the geologically slow minutes in Blue Diamond's library, even the calm days on Earth seemed exciting, when I could just sit at My Lady's feet as she worked. Even if the future was running fast toward us with a big, pink sword.

I didn't say anything back. She continued.

"Everything is always changing. It's so…unique. The sky switches colors and sometimes it's night, or day, and it all happens like a snap of the fingers if you don't pay attention."

"Yes, Ma'am. It is very quick."

My Diamond glanced at the horizon then, and the shadows made her expression severe, with bags deep beneath her eyes and crinkles warping her forehead. She would have more work to do soon, but she asked me to read to her before we went to oversee the production of Quartz soldiers.

Just about every night, when the moon appeared in various places across the sky, I would read aloud to her. Tales of creation and old goddesses and heroic feats passed through my mouth. I don't know how well she paid attention. My Diamond often sat staring at nothing, with her chin weighty inside her palm. Sometimes, she might not react to parts of stories I kept from gasping at—betrayals and murders that lead to obvious propaganda, but My Lady was hardly moved. If anything, she would sigh and I would continue, until the last page reached its last line and we were off again, to tend to something else. Everything on Earth stopped at night, but we didn't, nor did any of the other gems.

Once White Diamond had visited and they held each other like they would on Homeworld. Without any cushions or a place to lie, they sat in a field outside of her palanquin, and I stood by as White embraced My Diamond, rubbing her shoulders and stroking her hair. The same sort of weariness surrounded them like an air, though My Lady had yet to grow the indelible parenthesis around her mouth or the sunken in eyes of an empress who had seen everything.

Taking her finger and coiling it into My Diamond's wild hair, White said, "You're doing a fine job. I know it seems overwhelming right now, but you'll see. Colonizing is always tedious at first, but you'll finish this one and be able to calm down a while until the next."

"How do you manage with so many, White?"

"I delegate," White slipped her prints to the end of a strand. "You'll gain experience and it will seem easier, I promise."

"I just feel so tired all the time."

"Well," White had an arm around Pink's waist and set a free hand upon her collar. The ends of her long nails pressed against My Diamond's skin without puncturing. "You'll learn to tolerate it."

Soon after, White left Pink just as upset and our time on Earth continued. Despite her exhaustion, progress went quickly as the other Diamonds marched in and out and the sun rose and fell and traded places with the moon, and those odd creatures made it into our records and into our zoo, until one day My Diamond sent me for strawberries.

I didn't actually witness her shattering.

I wish I would have refused. She seemed so lonely that day—so sad. After working for almost thirty-six Earth hours straight, she asked me to bring her a basket of strawberries. I don't know why she sent _me_ , of all gems. Maybe she knew. I remember her face so vividly, drooping, but I don't want to think she had any idea what was coming. I don't want to think that she would really leave me to rot in Blue Diamond's shit hole of a library for millennia, alone.

I went with her everywhere, except that day, except that hour, and when I came back—looking like some clueless asshole with a big, dumb basket of strawberries, she was gone. Someone told me what happened, but I couldn't accept that she would drag me to Earth with her, after spending every fucking moment together, then die and leave me to this existence without her.

I try not to think about it. Going through that memory makes my stomach feel hollow, but still, the thoughts of her and thoughts that I should have died come every day and prod me in the shoulders, in the ribs. They drag their fingers along my spine, but I can only tell them to fuck off so often. I try not to let them eat me alive, but _goddamn it_ , every time I think of her dying alone and afraid, I know I should have been there to die first, show her it wasn't so bad, put on a brave face like it didn't hurt so much. Instead, I'm made to wait around and clean spotless libraries full of books I'm not supposed to read—books whose pages whisper that I couldn't do the honorable thing, and live, imagining what my gem would look like as a powder—

"Pearl—" Morganite was crying.

My eyes were dry, but she had drowned hers. I had ignored my symptoms. I might not have wept, but my throat tightened and my breath hitched as if I were choking.

"I'm glad you're still here."

I gasped, " _How? You don't even need me._ "

"But I do." She fought past the possession, blinded and strangled, but speaking. "Do you know how lonely I was here? Even if Yellow sent you to turn me in, I'm glad. I'm glad I got to know you. You're a piece of her, and she _loved_ you. Who else could keep that memory alive for her?"

" _Would you stop?_ " I didn't have the will to pull my hand away. " _As if this isn't hard enough—_ "

"I can feel how much you loved her too. I'm so sorry about what happened, Pearl, but I'm happy to have you."

Morganite couldn't cry all of my tears, and I began to weep. Just as her powers covered me, she claimed me into a soft embrace and kissed me on the mouth. I didn't push her away.


	15. Chapter 15

I want to make it perfectly clear that I was never in love with Morganite.

About a day after our emotional breakdown, I lay upon the fainting couch, drained. Crying about My Diamond always laid me flat, and My Lady allowed it, patting me on the shoulder before she left. She thanked me again for sharing with her, and I was several hours into a sleepless nap when a yellow light rang from the office.

Suffering from the pins, needles, and the groggy hangover of almost sleep, I went to answer the call. The moment Yellow Diamond appeared, I crossed my arms over my chest, hopefully hiding the wrinkles of my unkempt outfit.

"Pearl—" As usual, she didn't waste a second. "It's been longer now. Have you seen anything?"

In the background of our call, she was typing away at some document. Those pointed eyes flicked to me as I formulated my answer.

"I can't say that I've witnessed anything noteworthy, My Diamond. I think that Lady Morganite and Jasper _like_ one another, and sometimes they talk, but that's all I've seen." I paused to furrow my brows. "Was that what you were searching for, My Diamond?"

Yellow stopped typing and leaned back in her throne. "You haven't seen anything else?"

I shook my head. "No, My Diamond."

She sighed. "You don't have to cover for her, Pearl."

"Goodness, I'm sorry if it seems that way."

Yellow placed a few fingers over her mouth and exhaled. Her lips worked into an asymmetrical frown on the way to a grimace, but didn't quite make it. "Do you ever have lapses in memory, Pearl?"

"Lapses in memory, My Diamond?"

"Think. Do certain days seem to be missing or altered?"

I placed my forehead against my palm. I wasn't expecting that. "I don't think so, My Diamond. My memories seem normal." I mean, some days were so boring, I easily lost track of them, but they were all _there_.

"I want you to call me if any moments seem to go missing. Until then, keep watching. Goodbye, Pearl."

She hung up before I could return her salutation, and I ended up standing there with furrowed brows and a furrowed uniform.

Yellow Diamond never called me again.

I want you to remember that _you_ weren't in love with her, Pearl. That's not why you did any of this.

I went to the fainting couch and didn't sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

When we kissed, Morganite had planted something inside of me. Sometimes my stomach would tingle, and my toes would curl. My face would cloud over with a fever and my hair grew somehow curlier, but I am certain that this feeling wasn't love. It sat too low in my stomach, lower than my gem and rumbled as my body tightened around it. I would grit my teeth and my skin would catch fire, but from everything I had read, this feeling didn't match the symptoms of love. Nothing about it seemed sweet or sugary or pure. I was constantly between hollow and hungry and fucked myself while she worked.

Morganite must have known. If she didn't, she would have eventually found out. We would have brushed against one another, and she would have read the dirtiest parts of my mind through the frills of my skirt. As a result, I would catch her giving me an odd look whenever she left—where her dark brows bent in sympathy while her mouth concealed a grin. Maybe she felt guilty for causing such feelings. I couldn't tell.

In the midst of all this, Jasper came back. Morganite had a vision and I made the call, hiding myself in the office and flashing my panties off the moment the doors opened.

Her visions never aroused me. The crying and flailing usually sent unpleasant shivers down my spine, but I wanted to play with myself and didn't bother waiting for them to start fucking. I wasn't even surprised when I found my fingers slick just smoothing outside my lips. Some days I would moisten without stimulation and would have to wait for some privacy to take care of it.

Jasper held Morganite more gently than usual that day. After she had calmed, My Lady sat in her enormous lap, leaning against one of her arms.

"You don't have to feel bad for last time," Morganite whispered after a string of coughs. "You didn't do anything I told you not to."

"I'm not supposed to hurt you."

"But I said you could."

"Still," Jasper kissed Morganite's forehead and drew a few tears from her eyes—not bloody like those minutes before.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop thinking this way? You know I hate it, and you're not fundamentally wrong because of where you emerged, Jasper." Large but careful fingers cleaned the blood and water. "I let you do it for fuck's sake."

"Let me make it up to you."

Morganite kissed her hand. "Okay. I'll allow you to do that."

They made love, of course. Jasper both began and ended with kissing My Lady up and down, touching gently where she had carved bite marks before. She turned Morganite's nipples purple, until making her way down and pushing her legs apart to suck on her clitoris. Morganite arched her back and tangled her hair against the couch cushions as she came, kicking her legs.

It was practically comical to watch Jasper on her knees, bent over like a servant, but she didn't seem to mind pleasing Morganite, and kept at it for a while, until I had yet again soaked the floor and My Lady finished about three times. She remained in a heap on the couch as Jasper prepared to go, cleaned up and removed the dark spot on her leggings.

"Thank you, Love," Morganite sounded high, and lay with her legs open, having wet the skirts beneath them. I could see her swollen lips, slick and ready if they were to continue. Her skin had darkened to fuchsia and blushed around the edges, soft and slightly abused.

"You're welcome. See you next time."

Jasper disappeared from one side of the peephole and caused the doors to open and shut, leaving only My Lady and me. I put my panties back on and waited for her to call me, which didn't take long.

"Pearl, you can come out now—"

I left the office as if on cue and walked to her, still soaked, too stiff, and stood for her dismissal. Morganite still had her legs wide open, shameless as she displayed her vagina. She barely reacted when I stared and I wondered if she wanted me, too. Her lips were just as wet, as swollen, and as open as if she desired fingers inside. We were standing awfully close.

"Did you watch, Pearl?"

"I did, Madame."

In all of a second, she brought her hand to mine, and held on before I could pull away. We didn't say a word to one another; I only made an ugly gasp before she released me.

"Pearl—"

She was about to say something, but I interrupted by shoving two fingers inside her.

I don't know what possessed me to do it. Maybe I was high on the pleasure I took from watching, or maybe I just wanted to touch a pussy that didn't belong to me for once. With my index and middle finger in up to the knuckles, I merely stared. Her heat put me somewhere between intoxication and death, and I waited for the moment where she would scream and kick me away, but she never did.

"I'm sorry I tortured you with longing, Pearl." Her vagina contracted around me. It was unbelievably warm. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by coming to you first, but now that you've got your fingers inside me, why don't you move them?"

"Yes, Lady Morganite."

I put my free hand on her knee and began pushing in and out, feeling places I couldn't quite reach inside myself. Where I touched her, that familiar border grew around my skin as she read me. My hand suddenly felt attached to her leg, as if poured and set in glue, and my fingers were caught inside and covered with her as she squeezed, released, and sometimes sighed.

"I usually like it a little harder, but that's not bad. Explore me until you're satisfied."

I couldn't reply, but moved faster, and she reacted in time to the motion of my fingers. I'm sure I did the same when playing with myself, but I had no idea outside of the tightening when I went the maddest.

Morganite stroked her clitoris while I kept up the rhythm, looking both between her legs and at her expression to check that she was enjoying it.

"Don't stop—I'm getting close—"

"Yes, Ma'am."

It wasn't long then that she pushed my fingers together, and in a moment, released them. They came out dripping, and both of us stayed in place, staring at one another in disbelief at where I had placed my hand and what we had done.

Morganite sat up. "I want to feel how wet you are," she said, "open your legs," and kept moving closer until her mouth collided with mine.

I obeyed as she pushed her tongue into my mouth.

"Oh, Pearl—"

I moaned into our kiss as she found a way beneath my underwear. I phased them off and she pushed a finger inside of me.

"Your first time. I'm glad I'll be able to experience it with you. You're so delightfully overwhelmed."

I moaned and tossed my head back as she added another and kissed me deeper. At that point, I had ended up on my back and opened my legs wide for her. In my mind, I begged her to go deeper and she did immediately. She found a way of stroking me that twisted my insides until moans bubbled from my mouth into hers, and we ended up crying in unison as she kept strumming the chords that brought my spine to bend.

Eventually, Morganite moved from my mouth, to my neck, and onto my nipples where she lapped at them through the thin fabric of my uniform.

Even then, she stopped for a moment, "Holy shit."

Her head on my chest, she kept fingering until I was nearly in tears. Every moment, I felt ready to overflow and possessed by a heat that turned my insides to fluid. With every passing second, I believed I couldn't get any hotter but she proved me wrong, pushing me further and further to an orgasm that had to be coming soon.

" _Please don't stop._ " I squeezed her tightly.

"I won't," she slid all the way in and kept sucking at my breasts through that awful fabric. I removed it to allow my nipple between her lips and nearly screamed, but my voice choked, soundless and heaving.

Finally, my body tensed, leaving both Morganite and I to gasp and practically shout as pleasure tore from the base of my stomach to the top of my throat. She didn't remove her fingers and we both caught our breath.

"Fuck, Pearl."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. That was just…"

"Intense."

I relaxed against her, and Morganite enveloped me as she had before, cheek brushing against a few of my curls. Finally, her fingers exited, and her hand cupped my vagina as she left a kiss beneath my eye.

"You're exhausted."

I collapsed further into her, allowing her to swallow me whole as we sat. Morganite caressed me.

"You don't have to be ashamed."

I remember her leaving me.

"It's natural that you would want to be touched. You looked beautiful."

Had I felt ashamed?

For the first time I slept on our fainting couch.


	17. Chapter 17

When Morganite came home, she would fuck me. When we had a free day, she would fuck me. When she wasn't there, I thought of her fucking me and sat on the fainting couch, fucking myself.

Some days she would walk in and find me naked with my legs open. I might have fallen asleep and left my vagina out for her, and would wake up to her fingers trailing along my labia. Her tongue might pop my eyes open as her warm, soft mouth sucked on my clitoris, which got me to liven.

I have come into My Lady's mouth more times than I can count. Holding me by the hips, she would lap up my pleasure until an orgasm ruined me—ruined _both_ of us, and then keep going for the second one, and the third one, and the fourth, until I had lost count and became a sopping pile of pink flesh and matted-down hair. She stuck her fingers inside of me and pulled climaxes out, like a magician with a long line of scarves. The knots where they were tied together stimulated my G-spot as she tugged.

I would try to read and end up touching myself. Word after word, I circled my clit, imagining her tongue, or her fingers, and every time I drew close, I would lean back and stop reading to finish. After I had come, I would go back to the book until my fingers grew bored and slipped beneath my panties again.

Sometimes I presented a raw pussy to her. Red, chafing, and perhaps even swollen, she would look at it, trace over the most sensitive spots with a careful touch, and eat me exactly as many times as I wanted. Once she stayed with me for at least an hour and a half. We would break at the same time, rolling with and recovering from the same orgasm, and not long after we would begin again as she drank the pleasure I produced.

She told me that I didn't have to repay her, but sometimes she allowed me to try anyway. Morganite would lay on the couch and I would lay on top of her, my pussy in her face and hers in mine.

I doubt I ever mastered pleasing her, because she never bothered correcting me. As she stimulated non-stop with my vagina in her mouth, I was a mess, arching my back and stopping to cry out. During pauses I would keep my hand still and lay upon her as if unconscious, only to go back to licking and fingering seconds later. When the pleasure grew too potent, I would quit again, and whenever I came, I felt her climax too, squeezing my fingers just as hard as I squeezed hers.

Free days were especially hedonistic. Morganite would fuck me all day until I needed a break and she would fuck me again. One day—one I can't possibly place in a timeline—we had both finished, laying on one another. With a hand running along my ass and thighs, Morganite asked, "Pearl, could I bother you to pick up more tea?"

"Are you almost out, My Lady?"

"We are," she slipped her fingers inside of me and kissed my leg. "You can go after we're done. I can feel that you want to continue."

Her breath touched my lips and my stomach tightened, causing her to laugh and eat me out twice before sending me away. After we had finished, Morganite helped me to dress by wiping between my legs and checking for love bites. She had made one toward the top of my left breast that my uniform hid and remarked on it with her hands on my hips.

"Be careful not to let anyone see that." My Lady kissed me on the cheek. We both smelled faintly of one another.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Go and come back. I'll fuck you again before today is over if you want me to." She touched between my legs, beneath my skirts, and left me for the office. "Good luck out there, Pearl."

"Thank you, Madame."

I walked to the market in a fog. Slow moving and distracted, I'm sure I attracted at least some attention, but I couldn't remember anyone looking directly at me. The other gems moved in passing colors and muffled sounds, until I had made it to the line to wait for admission.

As it was a free day, many shades of Pearls had come out, chatting with one another, carrying empty baskets to fill for their ladies, and talking with their free hands. In comparison to them, I stood fairly still, wobbling on my legs and sometimes leaning against the wall we waited parallel to. I heard the others go quiet around me whenever my body bent, their gazes scratching through my outfit and leaving thin cuts along my purpled skin.

Scandal boiled inside them like a fever as they mouthed out, 'Is that Pink Diamond's Pearl? What in the world is wrong with her?' Their curiosity jabbed into my bruises, but I only stopped dazing when I had to walk into the market after the guards' puzzled looks traveled over my head.

When I arrived at the tea shop, the same Pearl as before welcomed me. White as ever, she stuck her nose up, not out of condescension, but as a formality.

"Oh, you've returned," she walked to me, feminine hands limp. One of the other Pearls there turned to look at us. "How was the tea you bought last time?"

"It was good." I was painfully aware at how sleepy my voice sounded, but couldn't change it. "Thanks for the recommendation."

At my slurring, her nose scrunched and pointed even higher as her lips bent to offense. "My Stars, did something happen to you? Why would your lady send you out like this?"

"Oh—" My mind worked too incoherently to come up with a convincing lie, so I blushed instead. She placed a hand upon my shoulder.

"Did she hit you, Dear?" Her throat cleared and her voice quieted. "I can see you have quite a bruise under your uniform."

We stared right at one another. I was too flustered to speak while she retained the same expression of purse-lipped sympathy.

Her words came from a whisper. "Did you get mouthy?"

I nodded.

"Well, you should know better than to get mouthy right before your errands, but it is cruel of her to beat you and send you out." She squeezed my shoulder. "Even if you don't feel like going, you shouldn't tell her so. I bet she seemed _so_ understanding. Maybe you felt you could speak your mind."

Again, I nodded.

"Well, some of the nobles who seem the nicest are truly the worst. That's why I've always appreciated My Diamond's strictness. At least I know just what to expect."

I wondered how much time she spent in her Lady's chambers.

"She wanted what I brought back last time."

"Oh, of course!" She approached the same wall of tea and pulled down the jar of Blackhole Citrus and turned back to me. "Do you recall the other one?"

"I think it might have been Space Berry?"

"Yes, Space Berry."

Drawing the attention of a few others browsing, she walked back to me and began measuring. Each time, her measurements were almost perfect on the first try, the Blackhole Citrus needing a little more, and the Space Berry a little less. With lightning fingers, she rang me up and I paid by the slow movement of my hand, which she held just a moment as she accepted Morganite's credits.

"Try to stay out of trouble." She spoke these words as a secret between us. "I know you didn't mean badly, but these aristocrats don't care about what you meant."

"I know. Thank you."

She held me a moment longer before releasing me with a furtive look. Her sympathy almost burned worse than the judgement from the other Pearls before. By the folding features of her expression, I became a degree soberer as I wandered back to the entrance and left.

Standing in line, I found one of Blue Diamond's house Pearls who was so dark blue, her hair was nearly black. A quiver moved from her feet to her head, making an eye appear behind the veil of her bangs. She reached into her uniform and pulled out a note, and I came to greet her before she made a scene.

Touching her shoulder, I said, "Hey, how are you?"

Our hands met briefly as I took the paper and nearly crumpled it in my first. She answered in a tiny voice, "I'm fine, thank you."

"It's been a long time since I've seen you. Are things still going well at Blue's?"

"Oh, yes—" Every fiber of her exuded confusion. "Where did you go again?"

"Lady Morganite's," I began walking away. "I have to return now, but I'll see you around."

"Oh—" The skin beneath her bangs grew magenta, and then came her reply, "See you around."

I headed back toward My Lady's chambers less hazy, but sicker. Opening the door, I didn't have the chance to put down the tea or unwrinkle the note before she pulled me in and connected our mouths.


	18. Chapter 18

Somehow, Pearl's note ended up on the library table, crinkled and stained with sweat. I thought I had taken it from the floor after Morganite and I had fucked, but I also remember leaving it in my hand. Some of the liquid might have also been vaginal fluid.

It turns out Pearl didn't know any rumors regarding Morganite. She had asked around, but none of Blue Diamond's house Pearls had heard anything. She did console me at my irritation and took the opportunity to talk shit about her own Diamond, and how puzzling she found her perpetual mourning. Towards the bottom of the note she wrote something that stood out to me, saying, 'I know that if I lost you for some reason I would be upset too, so I should try to be more sympathetic. I just wish she would try to keep her tears to herself. Sometimes they land on me, and not only does it soak my outfit, but the impact hurts.'

I read over the letter a few times to formulate a reply, though I don't think I started writing that day. Morganite would have come home within minutes of beginning my response. I never wanted her to know about the contents of the letters, even though the words must have peeled off and stuck to my skin for her to read, now that we touched so frequently. The phrases likely poured from my mind to hers without any filter between, but she never seemed to hold it against me. I was grateful she never brought it up.

Shortly after I stowed the note inside _The Bluest Sapphire_ , the main room door opened and I went to greet Morganite, who came in to lay immediately on the couch.

"Welcome back, My Lady. How was your day?"

She sighed. "Fine enough. It felt very long, but thank you for asking." Her dark pink hair had tangled and appeared almost as wild as my own. "How was yours?"

"It was fine, My Lady. I can't say I accomplished much."

"Did you read at all?"

"No, Ma'am." I can't remember what I did for the majority of that day. I may have slept. Morganite didn't take long to reply.

"I see." She sat up and hesitated. "You don't have to say yes, but I wanted to…" My Lady faltered in looking right at me. "Well, sometimes I sneak to Our Diamond's old section of Homeworld."

The shock must have frizzed my hair. Morganite appeared apologetic as she continued. "It's all still there, you know. Blue Diamond maintains it, and well, if you wanted to come along…"

"Do you intend on going now?" This must have sounded like an accusation.

Morganite responded more quietly. "I intended on going soon. Again, you don't have to go. I understand if it's hard for you, but it might be nice, given that it's been such a long time."

Her request took me off guard. Not only was this a serious offense, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back. Memories would come up. Maybe she counted on that. She knew I had missed being there, but I didn't understand how we could possibly go without getting into trouble.

"How would we get there without being caught?"

"Oh," she waved her hand. "I know an entrance we can use. It's fairly small."

"But aren't there cameras?"

"Leading up to Pink Diamond's chambers, but not around or inside them. No one goes there anymore so The Diamonds didn't waste the resources."

I paused. "If Blue Diamond maintains the area, is it possible she'll show up?"

"It's possible, but she probably won't. I'm sure she's busy at the moment."

"What if someone else catches us?"

"Pearl, trust me. I've gone dozens of times, unless you'd rather stay here."

My teeth tore a hole in my lip. "Okay," I said, "I'll go."

Even at that moment I teetered between going and not going, but my body pushed out a 'yes' my mind didn't consent to. I didn't like to break so many rules, despite my book-reading, note-passing, general lying, and Lady-fucking. But I wanted to go home after being away for so long, even if it was only for a moment after 5000 torturous years.

"Great!" Morganite said. "I'm going to wind down a moment and we'll go."

I made tea for the both of us as she lounged on the couch, splayed out like someone had dropped her there. With one foot on a cushion and another one on the floor, she drank her tea at an obtuse angle, almost lying down but propped up by an elbow. She remained so calm, yet I was her opposite, rigid, nervous and tapping out my anxiety on the floor as every bad ending of this mission came to mind. I imagined getting found out and decapitated, shattered, crushed beneath the heel of a Diamond's shoe, trampled by Quartz soldiers, torn apart, fogged, flayed, quartered—

"Pearl, are you ready to go?"

The question was a hard spanking I flinched at. "Yes, Ma'am."

She smiled at me, asymmetrically. "I promise we'll be fine." The long skirts of her uniform rustled as she stood and straightened them out. Her expression held both sympathy and amusement as she tried not to laugh at my shaking. "Try not to make it too obvious we're going to break the rules, okay? You don't want to look guilty."

I gulped, "Do I look guilty?"

"Extremely," Morganite considered me a moment, putting her weight onto her left leg. "I can numb your feelings, if that would help."

I didn't reply. Up to that point she hadn't used her powers on me that way—or at least, not that I knew of, and the thought folded my stomach like wasted paper.

Her smile faded a bit, but not entirely. "If you're nervous about going, you don't have to."

"No—" I sighed. "No, I want to go, I just—" The blood rushed to my head. I'm certain I looked like an idiot, indecisive and blushing neon as My Lady waited. I felt like a beast she was trying to coax out of somewhere, stubborn with what she judged to be irrational fear.

"Okay," Morganite said gently. "Do you think it would help if I numbed your feelings? It will only take a moment."

I stood there, silent and shaking. Eventually, my body held out my hand and she took it. Morganite trapped me with both hands, and like water draining through a hole at the bottom of a glass, I felt the scratchy anxiety spill from my head and leave through the tips of my fingers. The space where it had emptied grew a different sort of intoxication—one that dropped my shoulders and weakened my knees. My insides warmed and my fear chilled.

Even after she pulled away, my hand felt static where she has touched and changed me. It was reminiscent to when she finished eating me out. Some of her remained, but I didn't bother thinking too hard about it. I'm not sure I could have.

Morganite's hands were shaking with what must have been my anxiety. "Let's go, before it wears off." Her voice choked back that worry.

I followed her out more slowly than I normally would have as she walked more quickly. Fortunately, it wasn't long from our apartments to Pink Diamond's chambers, even though we couldn't warp. All the warp pads inside Our Diamond's court were sure to have been destroyed or off-limits, and transferring to any other court wouldn't have brought us closer.

Maintaining an odd distance from one another, we passed the same gems found perpetually working around Homeworld—the busy Peridots who hardly stopped to look at us, or the on-duty Quartzes who saluted Morganite as she passed. I hazily recall one large pink Agate in particular who waved to her, to whom she waved back.

The closer we came, the pinker the gems became. Nobles that looked familiar set their eyes onto both of us, but clung onto me with intense recognition. Even after I had passed, their attention lingered at my back, tearing at my frills with the claws of their scrutiny. Some of the sobriety returned, and I wondered how Morganite managed not to get caught despite having gone 'dozens' of times. Did the gems of Our Diamond's court dislike Yellow as much as she did, or was it because I had tagged along that they stared? Whenever Morganite came, they must have assumed that she lived around there, even though we resided closer to the office where she worked.

Why didn't we live with the other pink gems? It would have been nice to look out-of-place together, with the Yellow insignia against our rosy bodies. I had always assumed there weren't any others, or that they had been scattered more evenly, but here lived so many pink ladies who retained a level of frilliness indicative of Our Diamond. Even those in the sharp, organized lines of Yellow's uniform wore the intended court in the fibers of their beings. Friendly, they smiled to one another, laughing loudly in groups they shouldn't have made.

A lump developed in my throat that I couldn't entirely feel just as we entered a narrow cul-de-sac.

From the entrance I could see other gems passing by who paid us little mind. Some of the light from outside made it into the corridor, but I could hardly see where it ended. I'm sure there was a wall, but I can't say for certain. Any evidence was shrouded in darkness.

Morganite checked the coast. "We're almost there," she told me while tucking herself into a dark corner and removing a loose section of wall. I couldn't see well, but it came right out at the coaxing of her ladylike fingers and landed with a thud against the floor. She searched around with her hands out, and having found the barriers of the entrance, leaned down to crawl inside. "Come on," Her voice echoed steps away, inside the wall.

I approached and searched with my hands too, having plenty of issues finding it. My dulled inhibition still glued my feet to the floor and that warm, comfortable blanketed feeling began to fade along blurred edges.

"Pearl," Her disembodied voice whispered. "Can you replace the wall?"

"Yes, ma'am." I ended up getting onto my knees and patting the floor to find it, eventually catching a corner and bringing it with me. Fortunately, the entrance was mostly straight ahead, and I placed my hand out to find a corner, while trying to balance the loose section of wall. It was lighter than I thought it would be, but still cumbersome. I could feel her staring as she waited with barbed patience for me to appear behind her. Eventually, I dared myself to enter and replaced the section after a struggle.

I was starting to shake again as we moved through that dark and narrow vent and the tightening in my throat grew its own rhythm. It matched the careful thumping of our knees and the rustling of our skirts just before Morganite stopped and pushed open another piece of wall. Before releasing it, she turned to me.

"I want you to stay here for now." Light from the next room peeked in and colored her face. "I'll tell you when to come out."

I nodded, even if she couldn't see it, and realized what must have happened. They had blocked off the original entrance to Pink Diamond's chambers, but left a small tunnel for service gems that was supposed to be bolted closed. Someone, at some point, had probably either forgot to seal it shut again, or had ripped it open in an act of defiance or wanting to go home.

Morganite pushed through the other side and quickly stepped out, and I watched through the hole she made as my vision flooded with bright light.

What happened next went quickly, but I saw her walking toward a Quartz guard towering at the other side of the room. I believe she was a Citrine, because everything about her belonged to Yellow Diamond from her short blond hair to the anger in her demeanor upon seeing Morganite.

" _Excuse me—_ " The guard had yet to attack, but she came close in her stance. "No one mentioned any nobles coming here and if you don't leave—"

Despite not getting involved, I shook inside the wall. The Quartz's voice echoed, booming and dangerous, as it was amplified by the small room both she and My Lady inhabited. This yelling, however, didn't seem to faze Morganite. She merely drew closer, and as the Citrine guard reached for her destabilizer, My Lady placed a hand against her wrist and froze her. The guard closed her eyes and slacked her knees as Morganite sucked her energy away. I didn't notice any change in her expression throughout the process, not even when the guard fell and began gasping for breath. She looked to Morganite with bright and pleading eyes and attempted to speak, but what came out was just empty gasping as the color faded from her skin. I watched her try to hold on to consciousness, hyperventilating and nearly crying, but having neither tears nor voice, she opened her mouth for nothing. Morganite likely shut off the parts of her capable of screaming.

Toward the end, My Lady leaned forward and kissed the guard upon the forehead. To my surprise, she didn't disappear, but her large, spent body fell like a stone onto the floor. She resembled a corpse whose life had ended mid-howl, mouth open with fully dilated and vein-struck eyes.

Morganite turned to me. "Okay," she said. "You can come out now."

I didn't. Painfully sober, I stayed hunched in the wall. My body suddenly freezing, toes and fingers icy as they splintered and broke in the intense temperature drop.

"Oh, Pearl," Morganite said, "I promise, she's not going to get up."

My voice shook despite my intentions. "Will she be alright?"

"She'll be fine. They usually wake up after a few hours."

Finally, I stepped out as another layer of chill tore goosebumps onto my skin. Morganite had already gone to the door the unconscious Citrine was guarding and began tapping in a code without looking at the keys. As soon as she finished, both sides rattled open and a poorly lit corridor came into sight, which My Lady illuminated with her glassy heart. Her pink light projected into that shadowy, yet familiar chamber, and I shook beneath various emotions.

"Pearl, did it wear off?" My Lady's brows bent. "I wouldn't mind taking your anxiety again."

"Oh, no—" The unconscious guard's teeth were the brightest thing between both rooms. "I'm fine, Madame."

"Okay. We made it anyway, so I suppose it wouldn't matter if you were nervous. I'm sure being here brings up a lot of emotions, and you'd probably like to feel them. Let's get going, shall we?"

She turned back around as her short heels echoed inside the halls meant to accommodate much more than just two gems. I ignited my light and faced the center of the chamber.

At that moment, we stood on the second floor, where both of us could see the top half of Our Diamond's statue. I shone my light upon her and stared.

It was true to her size. I remember because she would always make a joke of leaning on the austere and official version of herself like a friend. Wrapping an arm around its stone shoulders, she would smile and say, "Hey, Pinky, how are you today?" Her untamed hair would crinkle against the organized curls of the statue and she would wait, open-mouthed, for an answer. "I don't know why she never talks back. I heard from Yellow that she never shuts up." The gems watching would laugh, no matter how many times they had heard it, because Our Diamond told the joke with the same conviction each time.

At her feet on the first floor was a statue of me as well. Staring into My Diamond's face, I wondered if we could go down there, just to pretend for a moment that she was still ruling and loved every one of us. Like my stone counterpart beneath us, I longed to be at her side forever and choked down a sob as Morganite called me.

"Pearl! Will you come this way?"

I turned and caught her almost at the end of my light. Around where I had illuminated remained all of the old art, with relatively small dust. Perhaps Blue Diamond sent someone to clean up, though she had never asked me to come here, and I highly doubt she did it herself. After this amount of time, I would have expected dust built up on every surface, piled like frosting on an expensive cake, but the surfaces had stayed clear and sometimes shiny.

I looked back at the closed doors where we had come in and then at Morganite.

"Come on!" Her voice echoed as she summoned me with a wave.

I thought of the guard's teeth again and followed.

It looked like some of My Diamond's odder collectibles had been taken by the others. She used to have a display of the first spaceship made in her court, an ancient vessel that would have stood across from Morganite and I, at the other side of her statue. Her gems could go inside it if they liked, but from the looks of it, the ship likely remained in the care of another Diamond, where no one would ever touch it again. Like the ship, statues I remember in certain places had disappeared, leaving only light imprints where they had resided before. One painting with her and her Pearls had gone missing. The wall it was supposed to fill instead had numerous scratches and severe holes where each corner had dug in and hung. I had a feeling White Diamond had taken that one. I'm not sure why.

"Pearl, would you happen to remember the code to Pink Diamond's room?"

I stopped walking. We were getting close. "Is that why you brought me along?"

"No!" She said. "I was just curious."

"I don't think we should go in there."

Morganite shone her light on me, having turned around so we could face one another. "We don't have to."

I squinted in her powder-pink glow. "No one is supposed to go in there unless—"

"Pearl. I just said we don't have to go. It's fine. Believe me, if I wanted that information so badly, I could get it. Why don't we go downstairs?" She turned away and I boiled in place. Sometimes I would have liked to kick her, but I killed the feeling by letting my bubbling rage pop.

Now wasn't the time, and there would never be a time. I only wished I could drown the numbers to My Diamond's room in a vat of acid, but I'm sure she had already seen the chambers in the background of my memories. Perhaps she already knew the code. I couldn't tell when she was playing with me.

We went downstairs and stood beneath My Diamond's statue. The stone version of me looked like it always had, glancing up at her, loyal, and about the size of her heel. I wished through some magic that she would come alive and cup me in her hands. I still remember the charming tone of her cheeks as she did it, glorious and happy as she scooped me up and kept me in the cushion of her palm.

I started to choke at my broken promises and knew I shouldn't have come.

"Oh Pearl," Morganite held out her hand. "Your love for her is so beautiful."

I didn't want to share any of my emotions with her. I didn't want her to know the passcode, and I didn't want to be here any longer, but I offered my hand and we wept together inside Pink Diamond's shadow. A wound opened in me.

We returned holding hands after several minutes, stepping over the Quartz's unconscious body.

"She was so kind to you," Morganite said, but I didn't reply. We stepped back into the halls as if we weren't criminals.


	19. Chapter 19

Pink Diamond used to cup me in her hands.

Whenever she took a nap or even sometimes sat down, she would hold me and let me sit with her. I can remember how she would set me on her shoulder and let me lay with her beneath the covers. Sometimes I would wake up with some of her hair inside my hands, and she might turn her head to kiss me on the stomach, or my face, and leave me a temporary mark and my body warm.

I felt the same comforting heat as I lay upon the fainting couch. Morganite had marked me before going to work, but had run into the office to accept a call I was too intoxicated to answer for her. From the corner of my eye, I found flashes of yellow and Morganite's pink, making small bursts of orange in between.

"Morganite—" Yellow's voice cut through the slow and foggy air with business. "I've received your request to go off planet with Jasper, but what do you plan on doing, and why do you need her?"

"Well, My Diamond, I wanted a change of scenery, and to visit the flower fields of Epsilon Five. It's certainly not a dangerous planet, but I would feel more secure in the company of my bodyguard in case of emergency."

"I see." I could feel the point of Yellow Diamond's scrutiny as she paused and looked at Morganite, who stood in place, smiling. "I'll be sending you the vouchers through your inbox today. Stay out of trouble." She had spoken with the tone that indicated an incoming hang-up, but had stayed a second too long.

"My Diamond, would you mind very much including one for Pearl?"

Yellow paused again. "Granted," she said, "now go to work."

Her golden light left the chambers and Morganite stood inside the office doorway. She looked crisp in her uniform—crisper than our crimes should have left her. Her berry lips pressed into a line, and before she even spoke I wanted her to leave. I was in the kind of mood where I wished to be alone, content not to talk through a post-orgasm high, but there she was—striking something of a pose as she poised her chubby mouth to speak. She had satisfied my body and that was all I needed, so I lay there, lifeless.

"You'll come with us, won't you?"

"Do I have a choice?"

She laughed, but I didn't share the joy with her. I'm sure I resembled a corpse, expression drooping with my mouth partially open.

"It would probably be impolite if you didn't, since you _are_ receiving a voucher from Yellow Diamond, but if you'd rather spend our next free day here, that's fine. I'm sure she won't bother checking whether or not it was actually used."

"Okay," I said. "I'll go."

"Excellent," She finally moved from the doorway and into the main room, soon to leave. "Have a lovely day. I'll see you when I return."

Her heels measured out a beat until our main door opened with a mechanical pop. Morganite went out, cold air came in, and I didn't move even as my skin pimpled by the temperature change. This led to another day where nothing happened, to another, to another, until I had entered a collision course to a date I didn't want to attend. I don't remember moving much. The end seemed inevitable anyway.


	20. Chapter 20

Getting ready, Morganite had darkened her lips and added frills to the bottom of an informal gown. Some strands of her wavy hair curled; I watched her work in the mirror as they coiled by her will. I had considered straightening mine at some point, but couldn't imagine my face bordered by another texture.

Like My Lady, I had undergone the same treatment. My skirts had grown new sections like additional petals of a flower, and my face popped with color. These weren't changes I had willingly made, but ones she had requested. I was ready to go on this date of theirs looking as I always did, now with wrinkled skirts and extra knots in my uncooperative hair, but for some reason she insisted we both look nice for Jasper. I didn't bother putting up a fight and decorated my face as she asked me to.

That day, Jasper rang the bell despite not needing to, and before I could drag myself from the couch to answer, Morganite bounced over from a cloud of perfume and allowed her in. I adjusted my posture so she wouldn't see me slouching.

"You look nice." I witnessed My Lady nearly gape at her bodyguard, whose rough white hair had been brushed and whose piercing eyes wore a border of liner and extended lashes. I wondered if she had a Pearl to help her.

"So do you," Jasper replied. "Are you ready to go?"

"Just about. I wanted to bring some tea—" Morganite went into the kitchen and left Jasper to stand there and stare at me. I stood up, thinking she might have wanted to say something, but she remained silent and I didn't greet her. We both lingered in place, looking at one another, until Morganite returned with an almost comically large thermos cradled in her arms. She looked at both of us and touched Jasper's hand.

"Pearl, are you ready to go?"

"Yes, My Lady."

"And Jasper, are you ready to go?"

"I got here, didn't I?"

Morganite laughed. "I suppose you did. Well, let's head out."

Before we left, Jasper looked from me to Morganite, and more specifically—her thermos. I'm sure she wondered why I wasn't carrying it. I even wondered why My Lady hadn't asked me to fill it for her and suddenly felt like the last link of a slow chain as we moved towards the warp pads.

Leading both of us, Morganite kept up a decent pace, but Jasper still followed with slow footsteps for her long stride. I came after her, keeping what I thought to be a good speed, but I didn't know. In order to see Morganite at all, I would have needed to look around Jasper, and I already felt stupid, thermos-less, and extra—going on a romantic outing where I clearly wasn't needed.

I might have been happier at home, sleeping or masturbating between the pages of a book, but I'll admit, I was looking forward to going out. The planet we would visit, Epsilon 5, was a gift from Blue Diamond to White, but since the old woman didn't go anywhere unless she absolutely needed to, it was now open to nobles during free days. Epsilon 5 didn't have many resources, but most of its exterior was covered in flowers that varied in color with the seasons, which is why it had made a nice gift for White Diamond. Like the unending shimmering of her radiant gem, it reflected all colors in its seasons, not only representing her, but gemkind itself, dependent in her reliable arms.

I intended on tearing a few flowers out by the roots.

Upon approaching the warp, Morganite, Jasper, and I boarded at the same time. If we each tried to go separately, the process wouldn't have worked, because the vouchers were assigned to Morganite's cut and number. If either Jasper or I tried to follow, we wouldn't be able to warp off the planet. Only nobles could move willingly between courts even on Homeworld itself, so we all piled onto the pad, Morganite and I close to Jasper's wide hips, not yet touching, but very near. Thankfully, before anyone could witness how awkward we all must have looked, Morganite activated the warp and we disappeared inside the blue light.

I couldn't tell for certain, but I was sure she took Jasper's hand the moment we left Homeworld. When we arrived, they stepped from the warp connected, with two of Jasper's big fingers in Morganite's little grasp. We landed in a short clearing, surrounded by fields of peachy flowers and a grey sky by virtue of several puffy clouds huddled together, whispering secrets.

Morganite, thermos in one arm, hand still occupied by Jasper's, turned to me. "Pearl, you're welcome to go where you like; just don't wander too far out. We'll probably leave when the sky begins getting dark, and if you can't find us for some reason, try to make your way to the warp pad."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Jasper had her focus on me, which felt far more abrasive than the sweet dark brown of My Lady's eyes. Even so, both of them staring made my stomach turn, and I was ready for them to walk away.

"Lovely. We'll see you later."

"Understood, Madame."

Even in walking away, Jasper's gaze lingered moments longer than I would have liked. She and Morganite entered the sea of flowers and after a few moments, I did too, albeit pointed in a different direction.

Coming to that planet, I had supposed we might encounter a few other gems, but I found nothing but the long expanse of blooms whose green stems and peachy petals eventually disappeared into an orange pall. Towards my immediate vision, I found a few flowers that were pinker or yellower, but most of them kept to the same sherbet color, brighter and happier than they had reason to be. Not only that, but they stood tall, and tickled my knees whenever I moved.

Eventually, I had gone far enough away from Morganite and Jasper, but still found them in the distance, blending in with the field. Even from where I stood, I could see My Lady leaning against her bodyguard, arms interlocked as they sat and spoke. She had found a place for her cheek somewhere against Jasper's arm as loud laughter sometimes broke out and made its way toward me. Aside from the mumbled and incoherent nature of their voices, I couldn't hear them and eventually sat down.

The flowers covered my chest and tickled my skin as the wind blew through them. Something about it felt like a caress or a series of light kisses every time the petals brushed past.

True to my intentions, I plucked a few of them and began arranging them into a crown, despite the stiffness of the stems. Thick and stubborn, I snapped a few by accident until I found the best way to shape my hands and make a decent crown, even though it threatened to fall apart any time I shifted.

I wished I could have made a flower crown for My Diamond. She would have loved these, and I think their peachy, pink-orange color would have looked nice on her. Earth flowers weren't so different, and I remember a few hours picking pink flowers and trying to shape them into jewelry.

Towards the end, she wouldn't try herself anymore. Eyes drooping and leaning back in her throne, she would watch me, and I would turn my work in to her, having made a crown for my head or a ring for her little finger.

I uprooted another flower and looked to Morganite and Jasper, who appeared picturesque as they sat in their section of the field. I could still hear their far-away voices, talking about something, and I tore away the petals.

I don't like the part of myself that wanted to listen to them. Even then, I knew whatever they were saying—and it could have been anything—didn't matter, but she told me to be honest and I wanted to know.

Despite my intense staring from my patch of uprooted flowers and disembodied petals, neither noticed. I heard and watched them for full minutes but not one of them turned to catch me.

I especially don't like the part of myself that thought to lie flat on my stomach, so the flowers would obscure me, and that if I moved slowly enough, neither Morganite nor Jasper would find me coming closer. This was more than just a hypothesis, because every time the wind picked up, and the blooms rustled, I drew closer to their voices.

I don't know where exactly I ended up, but I was near enough to hear what they were saying. I had stopped approaching during a quiet spell, but didn't wait long before Morganite started speaking again.

"I think about you a lot." Her voice seemed to come out of one side of her mouth, meaning she still must have leaned against Jasper's arm.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Morganite paused. "I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy right now."

"Well, I know _that_ , but sometimes you feel so…"

"So _what?_ "

"So…troubled."

Jasper paused and answered in a voice calmer than usual. "You should leave the worrying to me. Which one of us is the bodyguard?"

Morganite sighed. "I want to be there for you too. I wish there was more I could do, but it would look suspicious to shower you in gifts and send you love letters." The wind blew for a moment. "Sometimes I wonder if you would still be my bodyguard in Pink Diamond's court. I would hope so. Most Quartzes are gorgeous, but I'd hate to think of having anyone else. You make me look forward to those damn visions."

A long silence followed. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do, especially the part about the love letters." I heard Morganite breathe in. "Why don't you believe me?"

"No one writes love letters to soldiers."

"Oh? I'll write you a love letter right now. Your eyes are the color of the purest sunset and the heart of Yellow Diamond's gem. Your stripes are as rich as the deepest crimson and occupy the most pleasing face I've ever seen!" Despite her kind words, Morganite was shouting, as if admonishing Jasper. "You're as tall as a goddess and shaped like one too, and I long to be in your gorgeous banded arms! You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and my thoughts swarm with your image every time we part!" Her voice became even louder. "Words cannot describe how much I adore you! _Signed your Beloved_ —"

But her voice muffled in what I assumed to be Jasper's hand. Both of them were laughing.

"Would you stop?"

"What?" My Lady had trouble speaking. "That's what I would write in a letter to you. What would you write to me?"

"I don't know how to write a love letter."

"Yeah, but what would you _say_?"

Jasper paused for a moment. "You're really…"

"Uh-huh. Really what?"

"You're really…pink."

"Gee, thanks!" The laughter erupted again. "I never noticed. Is that all? 'You're really pink. Love, Jasper?'"

"Now that you mention it, that sounds pretty good."

"Oh my stars."

"I would add that you're pretty cute, I guess."

"'Dear Morganite, you're really pink. Love, Jasper. P.S—You're pretty cute, I guess.' Wow, Jasper—" She caught her breath. "I don't know why they didn't make you a poet."

"'P.S, your eyebrows are bushy.'"

I think I heard Morganite's mouth drop. "I like my eyebrows!"

"I like them too. That's why I would put it in a love letter, dipshit."

Through her joy, Morganite got out, "Fuck you."

"Fuck you too, you little moron." I heard Jasper's lips make contact with her, and Morganite almost snorted. I wished I could have gotten a look at them.

"You're so dumb."

"Jasper, stop—" Morganite sounded like she was crying and I heard the sound of another kiss.

"Why? Because you're dumb?"

" _Stop—_ " Another kiss. "Stop…"

They settled, and through the light shining onto the blooms before me, I could tell that the sun had begun to set. The atmosphere around us matched the color of the petals the sky would soon turn a warm orange.

"Where did your Pearl go?"

I felt my throat contract, but remained still.

"Oh, I'm not sure where she went, but I wouldn't worry too much about her."

A few moments passed where neither spoke and I stopped breathing. The stems tickled me again, but I remained like a stone between them. I didn't want to imagine the trouble I would be in if Jasper caught me. In hindsight, I'm sure Morganite wouldn't have allowed her to grind me to dust, but in that silence and under that question, I didn't trust her not to hurt me.

My Lady's voice rose above the breeze. "Jasper, you have to stop worrying about her. I've told you already that she hasn't been sent to spy on me, and even if she had, I would be able to take care of it."

I grew just as cold as the stone I pretended to be.

"Just trust me."

Between the moment she disabled the guard and that day, I had settled into a comfortable lie to keep myself from fearing her—that maybe Morganite wouldn't use her powers in such a way on me, but I couldn't even prove that she already hadn't. Perhaps I had somehow seen something worse, something worth reporting, but My Lady had kept me silent.

I wanted to run, but the logical parts of my mind convinced my body otherwise.

"I don't like the way she looks at you, or at me. She seems like she's up to something."

"Oh, Jasper. Could you even blame her? She's been through a lot." I heard Morganite stand. Her legs cracked and popped from maintaining the same position for so long. "Well, shall we go looking for her?"

Jasper stood too. "We might as well. It'll be time to head back soon anyway."

Hiding inside that enormous bouquet, I let them search until I couldn't hear them calling me any longer. Their voices faded with the glow in the sky, and in relative darkness, covered with pollen and petals, I ran to the warp pad and waited for them to check there. I tried to calm my anxiety, but I'm sure it showed, and I was also sure Morganite would read it on me the moment we returned home. Her curious hands never strayed from me too long anymore.

I was quivering to myself when they finally returned, Morganite with a relieved, "There you are!" We all headed back, not touching, not talking, and I had the metallic aftertaste in my mouth that I had done something very wrong.


	21. Chapter 21

I didn't allow Morganite to touch me. She didn't even ask to, but I maintained my distance, awkwardly telling her I wanted to read and locking myself in the library. But I didn't read. I sat staring into the open pages of a book with my stomach knotting, whose knots turned into bigger knots until I was a shaking mess by the time she called me out.

I couldn't meet her gaze upon entering the main room. It didn't even feel particularly caustic, but I still couldn't look at her.

Morganite had called me gently, but I practically felt her brows knit and her mouth crease with skepticism. "Pearl, what's wrong?" she asked, but by the tone of her voice, she already had an idea.

"My Lady," I began, but nothing followed. My throat felt as though it had filled with dust, spilling over onto my tongue. I couldn't complete whatever thought I had begun; I only managed to find her staring back.

"Are you afraid of me, Pearl?"

I still couldn't answer.

"I'm not going to take your memories, if that's what you're worried about."

"But—" I choked. "But what if I were going to tell Yellow Diamond?"

"Well, you're not, so there isn't much to worry about, is there?"

"But—"

"Pearl." Morganite sighed, "I don't do anything without reason, and I'm not going to take your memories. I've done what I've had to do, but nothing more." She paused. "Do you know how hard it is to be good? _With these powers?_ There have been Beryls who took advantage of every possible situation and ended up shattered. You wondered why we live here."

I bit my lower lip.

"Yellow Diamond's Heliodor got herself in trouble for doing whatever she wanted. Her Diamond was _so_ disappointed when she found out that her _precious_ Heliodor was hypnotizing guards left and right and falsifying testimonies to keep herself out of trouble. Goshenite was at her trial. She showed me all of it. The fact that Yellow even had feelings for her makes me sick—" Morganite cut herself off. "My point is, I'm not going to be that reckless, and I trust you. I don't believe you're going to turn me in, because I know you don't want to go back to that wretched library, even though your constant nosiness makes me want to slap you sometimes."

I started shaking.

"I used to think you were curious because you hadn't experienced romance, but now I'm certain you just like to watch. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I really want to know, what did you get out of spying yesterday?"

At the accusation, part of my consciousness escaped me. My focus tilted and I clung onto what I had, but it bled out like steam leaving a kettle, and like a kettle, I was just as helpless to stop it.

"I wouldn't have caught you if you weren't so nervous afterward. As a tip, if you don't want others to think you're guilty, maybe you should try not looking guilty."

I came close to crying but didn't. Morganite and I looked at one another through dry eyes.

Finally, she stated, "I'm not going to hurt you, Pearl," and left.

I considered turning her in. I could have called Yellow Diamond the moment she disappeared behind those doors, but I didn't, and she knew I wouldn't.

I feared she would come back, find out, and take my memories—not just the ones of my time here, but all of them. I didn't know the extent of her powers, but I didn't put her past wiping every utterance of Pink Diamond from my mind.

 _I was hers._ Those images—her smile, her wild hair, her voice—which escaped me a little more every day—were all I had.

I once again found myself fearing punishment from both The Diamonds and My Lady, and thus wept in the library over a page I had tried reading since the night before.


	22. Chapter 22

I was crying when Morganite returned. I tried to snuff out my tears before she saw them, but couldn't, and despite the cold and objective opening of the door, she walked to me slowly, eyes gentle, brows knit in pity.

"Pearl," She took a spot next to me on the couch. "Please don't cry." Where she would normally offer me her hand in comfort, she kept it to herself and continued. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

But she knew what was wrong.

"I don't want you to be afraid of me." Morganite leaned back and paused. I heard her recline and exhale. "I have to admit, there may be some circumstances where I would take your memories, but never as the first resort. I don't even like the fact that I can do it." She trailed off and didn't come back.

"My Lady," I took the opportunity to clear the water from my eyes and asked, "You won't take memories of My Diamond from me, will you?" I had wanted to say more, but didn't. I don't even remember what else I would have added. "I don't know—" Tears I had just banished railed back and Morganite became a blur. I could practically feel her wishing to reach out and set a hand upon my shoulder, but she didn't.

"Pearl—" Her voice sounded as frail as mine. "I know how much those memories mean to you. Do you really think I would be so cruel?"

"No—I just—" As afraid as I had been, I didn't want to hurt her with such an assumption, but the fact that she was capable of causing such amnesia spoiled within my stomach. My day of doing nothing but panicking and crying compiled on top of that, I became an amalgamation of several different wrecks that may have started the day My Diamond sent me for strawberries. Desperate for anyone, I threw my arms around Morganite, who accepted me and warmed away the cancerous black coils.

"Sometimes I think about her too." Morganite was crying, having started before I had touched her. "I see her sometimes, in those visions—and in some ways she comforts me. I wouldn't gain a thing, taking that away—"

She wrapped her arms all the way around me. We made up, made love, and lay on the couch for senseless hours, where she invited me to join her in visiting Goshenite the next free day. I agreed and we eventually dressed and went back to doing whatever we did from one day to the next.

Soon enough, I found myself waiting on her yet again, until she had dressed cutely enough to march down the halls where we could both add color to White Diamond's court. She dragged me along as she usually did, and chatted up the guards as she usually did, and looked back at me as we entered as she usually did, but that day, White Diamond didn't sit waiting for us. No one did.

I was hoping to run into that pink Pearl, even though I acknowledge the possibility was low. She could have been off cleaning another chamber, talking trash with or about someone else. There's no reason White's house Pearls would know of Morganite's arrival.

My Lady gave me a look. "Oh, I'm sorry, Pearl. I bet you wanted to see your friend."

"I did, Madame." Proper etiquette suggested I stay by her side. Not even a book-reading, note-passing, Lady-fucking Pearl like myself would run off in another gem's chambers, searching for someone who didn't expect her arrival. I promised myself that I would try to find her next time, even though that ended up being the last time Morganite and I had gone together.

She opened her mouth to say as much, but we had our attention siphoned by a pale figure coming our way. Upon a first glance, I assumed it was Goshenite, but a Pearl replaced her third-eye shaped gem, and instead of hair that stretched down to her ass, it stopped along her jaw in a fashionable bob.

Unsurprisingly, her words held the same tone and frequency of her Lady's, with a touch of Pearl to them. She offered a respectful bow. "Salutations, Lady Morganite. Lady Goshenite is ready for you, if you'd be so kind as to follow me inside."

"Of course. Thank you, Snowy."

I never knew how I felt about mistresses who gave their Pearls names. It seemed oddly familiar for someone designed solely to take orders, but it wasn't uncommon. White Diamond, to cite a high-profile example, named her Pearls but she notoriously owned so many, barking "Pearl" every time she wanted a certain one would be confusing. Did Goshenite own so many Pearls, or did she find it cute to call her that? Were they on such terms?

That couldn't have mattered. I felt close to My Diamond but she never labelled me by a nickname. She didn't need to. I knew which one of us she was speaking to.

Morganite motioned me along, and after what I can only describe as a promenade past large silver doors and ornate silver paintings of important silver nobles, we reached the entrance to Goshenite's chambers.

Her doors seemed bigger than the ones we had passed, but perhaps they only appeared that way before we stood nearer to them. Still, I wasn't surprised when they opened to an enormous front room where Goshenite awaited us, which must have trumped Morganite's apartments by five times the size.

One of the first features of the room that caught my attention was the chandelier of multi-colored glass hanging from the ceiling. The dangling pieces were rough around the edges, like someone had dropped a window and shattered it, but in the chicest way possible. Each of them ended with a sharp point like daggers, pointing down at each of us.

I've only ever seen chandeliers in spaces owned by Diamonds. My Diamond's main room had one, as did Blue's library. White had one above her chair past the entrance of her chambers but I have never seen a noble who owned a chandelier until Goshenite, who hadn't even greeted us. I finally looked back at her when I heard the contact between her and My Lady and found them in an embrace. As usual, their faces underwent the motions of conversation, but did so in silence, and I glanced to Snowy who showed no reaction.

I waited for her to look to me, but she didn't. I'm not even certain she paid attention to her lady or mine. She had mastered the art of turning herself to furniture whenever the important gems were talking—or in this case, touching. It's a skill I've lost over the centuries wasted between libraries.

With Goshenite's hand in her own, Morganite turned to me. "Pearl," she said, "We're going to the tea room, but you're welcome to spend time with Snowy. Goshenite tells me she'd be happy to show you around."

All three of the phantom's eyes had rested upon me. So had Morganite's and so had Snowy's. My skin felt like a pincushion, stabbed and dissected from numerous directions.

I answered, "Yes, Ma'am."

"Wonderful. I'll see you in a while."

"Please enjoy yourself." Goshenite's voice rang out like a discordant, high pitched note that dragged its cold fingers directly down my spine. I tried to keep the chill from my face, but she witnessed it and sighed partially, bending her brows. They were so fine—the exact opposite of Morganite's—but her expression became the uncanny embodiment of frustrated sorrow. I felt immediately terrible, but after a stern but brief look from My Lady, they were walking away and only when they had disappeared behind a door at the other side of the room did Snowy turn to me.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you, Pearl. I've heard a lot about you." I just then noticed her translucent white lashes, fluttering like a flurry when she blinked. "I'm deeply sorry about what happened to Your Diamond. It's truly a shame."

"Thank you, Snowy. I appreciate that."

"Of course." A moment passed where neither of us spoke, until Snowy finally said, "I'm going to serve tea to our Ladies, but since you're a guest here you can wait in this room. I'll return for you once they're satisfied."

"Certainly."

She went away to tend to her duties as I stood there, unsure of what to do with myself. Inside her enormous main room, Goshenite had a sofa and even a few chairs, but they were in such pristine condition, it looked like no one had ever sat upon them. The entire room was so immaculate that it seemed to exist for show and nothing else.

Standing in that chamber, I observed a staircase to the left of me that led to a few rooms on the second floor. Even where I stood, I could see rows of imposing doors decorated in symmetrical patterns of—what else—white and silver. Everywhere I looked, paintings of Goshenite and her Diamond lined the walls, and sometimes Snowy, but no one else. I didn't find any other Pearls.

For apartments this size, a team wouldn't have been unreasonable, but perhaps White Diamond only granted one each, regardless of her blatant favoritism. Other Diamonds, like Yellow, gave out Pearls rarely, even to gems who had accomplished deeds that might allow them one in other courts. I didn't believe White was so stingy, however, and the other possibility was that Goshenite had multiple Pearls who all looked exactly the same, or that maybe she didn't like her house Pearls well enough to feature them in art.

Before I could ponder too long, I caught Snowy coming back, having left the tearoom. She moved every bit as phantom-like as her lady in coming nearer and stopped several steps before me, holding a statuesque pose with her fingers interlocked before her stomach. Describing that, it may have sounded as though she were nervous, but she moved with calm calculation.

"Snowy, is it only you here?"

"Oh, Yes. Lady Goshenite doesn't have any other Pearls."

"But—" I looked around again, not entirely sure I hadn't hallucinated the size of their place the first time.

"I know. I'm very fortunate to belong to a lady Our Diamond favors so well."

"But wouldn't cleaning such a space take a long time? My Diamond had at least three Pearls assigned to a space like this in our palace."

"Well," her thin and overall neutral lips twisted a bit. "My Lady isn't exactly a Diamond." Despite the subtle change in expression, she hadn't stopped looking at me. "How was it to work for one of them? She must have been radiant."

"She was."

"You must miss her terribly."

"I do."

Another few seconds passed until I heard Snowy inhale through her nose. "Why don't you sit upstairs with me? I find our main room so impersonal."

"Oh, yes. Alright."

"Please follow me."

As Snowy ascended the stairs, I kept a few steps behind her, until we reached the first door, which she opened by the glow in her forehead. Almost every other entrance along the corridor had the same type of door, that only Goshenite or Snowy could open.

Our front door functioned that way, but I couldn't understand the point of having most of their chamber doors locked. By the looks of it, they never had guests. Even when we entered and I expected to find some evidence of gems actually living _somewhere_ in that chamber, I was met with another sterile room, with two chairs in the exact center turned slightly to one another, and a single painting of White Diamond on the wall. She didn't smile in that rendition. Rather, her gem sparkled and her eyes, pointed forward, watched.

"Would you like to sit on the left, Pearl?"

"Sure." When I sat down, the seat cushion squealed loudly and clung to my skin. Whenever I so much as shifted, it whined and complained, so I took to putting my hands on my lap and sitting mostly still.

Snowy did more or less the same, and past the squeaking chairs, we entered into a meditative silence, broken only by White Diamond's perpetual stare.

"You must find this room odd." I heard Snowy's thigh stick and unstick to the cushion.

"It's not so bad."

"You don't have to lie, Pearl." We were staring right at one another. "It _is_ odd, but I would prefer us not to sit in the main room because the furniture is so difficult to clean. My Lady and I like to have it presentable at all times, but it leaves nowhere leisurely to sit. I hope it isn't too uncomfortable for you, but it would be okay if you lost a hair or two in here."

"My hair?"

"It would stick so relentlessly to the furniture downstairs, even if one of your curls would be easy to spot."

"I guess I wouldn't want to leave my hair around."

"Yes. Thank you for understanding."

I heard myself shift in my chair. The room appeared so violently clean, I couldn't imagine it truly being okay to lose a hair inside it, especially with White Diamond judging me as I shed. I still had yet to witness a particle of dust.

"Please tell me how you came to serve Lady Morganite. It's so curious that you went from serving Pink Diamond, to Blue, to your new lady."

"Oh, I went to work in Blue Diamond's library after My Diamond…" I trailed off. "One day Blue told me Lady Morganite needed me, so I went to work for her. Maybe if resources weren't so short, they would have made her a new one, but she received me instead."

Snowy nodded. "I heard Pink and Blue Diamond were awfully close. What did Lady Morganite do to merit Blue giving you up? I'm sure it was awfully hard."

"Oh—" Fuck. What did she tell Jasper that one day? "I think My Lady broke her own personal record for subjects interviewed over the last period, before I joined her. Yellow Diamond saw it fit to give her a Pearl, which she needed anyway."

"So you help her with work."

"What?"

"You help her with work."

"I mean, she's never taken me into the office, but I might file the occasional message, and I maintain the apartments, of course."

"You file her messages?" Snowy looked surprised.

"Is that…odd?"

I have never filed even one message for Morganite. I had lied because I didn't think anyone would believe that Yellow Diamond would award a Pearl to a gem who only needed her house cleaned.

You can imagine my cold sweat when Snowy said, "But that's illegal."

"It…is?"

"Oh yes, absolutely." She nodded, but didn't move her gaze from me. "Those are records which belong to the court and shouldn't be seen by anyone other than Lady Morganite or Yellow Diamond."

"Oh—" I felt sick. "I didn't know that."

"Well, now you know." Her face retained its seriousness. "Don't worry. I won't turn you in. You probably just thought you were helping your lady by doing as she asked, but were ignorant of the laws. I'm honestly surprised Yellow granted you to Lady Morganite if you weren't trained, and I'm sorry she didn't educate you."

I wasn't sure what to say, but she continued regardless.

"Perhaps it's none of my business, but are you afraid to say 'no' to her?"

A gulp passed along my throat. "In regards to what? Regular tasks?"

"Anything."

"I—"

"Pearl, you can tell me. I know we only just met, but I understand. One of White Diamond's Pearls mentioned she saw you at the market one day, covered in bruises."

"I don't remember being _covered_."

Snowy looked genuinely distressed. "You know, whatever you said to her, I think it's tyrannical for her to hit you. Blue Diamond gave you up as a gift to her, and no one should hit a Pearl who belonged to a Diamond, even if she serves another master. Do you even remember what you said to make her so angry?"

"What I said?"

"Yes."

I paused for too long, lost in buried anger at White Diamond's Pearl for gossiping, and Snowy too. I'm sure she was taking note of all of this information, to tell the others about as soon as we were done.

"I can't remember."

Snowy moved her attention and her body caused the chair to scream as she shifted. "Does she beat you frequently, Pearl?"

"Does it matter?"

"I think so." Those eyes of hers seemed enormous again as they moved back to my face. "I doubt you deserve to be hit. You really can't remember what you said?"

"No, I don't. What did the other Pearl say?"

"She said you got mouthy."

I leaned back. "Maybe I did."

"It's so odd you don't remember." A few strands of her hair moved out of place from her perfect bob as she shifted. I noticed she had drawn closer to the edge, closer to me. "Whenever My Lady hits me, I can recall at least what angered her, usually the exact words before she slaps me."

I didn't believe for a moment that Goshenite had ever hit her, and I didn't understand what she wanted me to say. I didn't understand the point of this.

Snowy continued. "Are you sure the marks came from her hitting you at all?"

I couldn't answer that, but she waited with her eyes never leaving. Even if they had, White Diamond was watching. I tried to keep the sweat off my face.

"I don't mean to pry, but the Pearl I talked to said—" She actually glanced away but I felt no less watched. Her voice grew incredibly quiet. "She said that it looked like the top of a bite mark."

I tried to say something, but a loud buzzer rang and both of us nearly jumped out of our seats, adding to the noise with the chairs squealing. Placing a hand on her chest, Snowy stood up.

"My Lady must want more tea. Please excuse me."

But when she opened the door, I saw the top half of the stairs, where Morganite and Goshenite were waiting.

"Pearl, we need to leave." My Lady said. She didn't explain why.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Say goodbye to Snowy and I'll meet you downstairs."

"Yes, Ma'am—"

But My Lady had already run away, and I turned to Snowy, who hadn't stopped looking at me since opening the door.

"Goodbye, Pearl." She said.

"Goodbye, Snowy."

"Try to be careful. I hope to see you again."

"I hope to see you too," which was yet another lie.

I followed the stairs down to Morganite, feeling both Snowy and Goshenite's stare cling to my back as I made my way out. We said our last greetings as we absconded.

My Lady didn't ask what we had talked about. I barely remember her speaking at all. She appeared sidetracked anyway, and eventually left me at our apartments, alone. I didn't see Morganite for the rest of that day and remained in our chambers in silence.


	23. Chapter 23

After visiting Goshenite, our apartments grew and stayed quiet. Morganite and I still spoke, but sometimes she came in without announcing a hello, or left without saying goodbye. As a result, I worried silently in the background, which I'm sure she sensed whether touching me or not. She likely read it as plainly as the nose on my face, and if she somehow didn't, she would have tasted it in my mouth—like something sour—whenever our lips met. They still did sometimes.

Not long after our visit, Morganite had a vision. I called Jasper, stowed away in the office, and watched on the floor after removing my panties.

I hesitate to admit that I didn't have the desire to masturbate, but it would have felt odd not to. So I sat there, rubbing my clit even before Jasper picked Morganite up and even after I noticed her exhausted expression.

She was still careful with My Lady and kept her from harming herself, but where she normally would have left kisses against her forehead, she didn't, nor did she clean up her blood. The bags beneath Jasper's eyes had grown substantially from the small shadows that perpetually stuck around and I wondered if she had been crying.

This dour scene went on longer than it would have normally, and though I should have gotten at least a little wet, I didn't. After having My Lady draw so many violent orgasms out of me, trying to pleasure myself felt like a chore. That bleeding corpse, moaning and gurgling in the other room, knew more about what my body enjoyed than I did, and my boney fingers were nothing like her cushy mouth. Still, I rubbed myself as Jasper held Morganite without any indication that they were going to make love afterwards. I doubted they would even _fuck_ , but I kept stimulating anyway, having nothing better to do.

Finally, after such a long wait, Morganite woke up. Jasper set her down.

"Is that all you need today, Ma'am?"

My Lady gathered her bearings about herself, wiping up her eyes and shaking the fog from her head. "Jasper—"

I stopped playing with myself.

Despite how horrible she must have felt, Morganite sat up and stared onward as droplets of blood flooded her eyes. She likely felt something I couldn't see, and tacked Jasper's feet to the floor.

"So that's it, is it? You've just decided it's over? For what? Some stupid rumors?"

Jasper looked guilty. Frowning, her gaze lost against Morganite's and darted to the floor. "It's not about what they're saying. It's the fact I heard it in the barracks. I shouldn't be hearing rumors about you there. We should have never—"

" _But it is about what they're saying_. You _really_ think I would cheat on you. I saw you imagining it as you were holding me, but where would I fuck all of these other Quartzes, Jasper? You think I just let them into my office so they can finger me all fucking day?"

"I didn't say any of that!"

" _But you believed it!_ "

" _None of that matters!_ " Jasper yelled loudly enough to both rattle the walls and shut Morganite up. Even behind the safety of the office doors, I started to shake.

Both of them breathed loudly and remained momentarily quiet.

Jasper regained some of her composure. "The fact that anyone is talking about it is a bad sign. You're going to get in trouble if you don't stop. You're going to get me in trouble—"

"As if you even cared about me in the first place! _You're telling me to watch my behavior?_ As if you didn't agree to this because you wanted someone to love you too? _As if you didn't like the fact that I'm pink?_ Don't you dare act like I'm the guilty one, _Jasper_. I didn't fucking cheat on you!"

"I never said you did, you moron!" Jasper grew louder and drew closer to My Lady, who flinched but didn't run. She stood against the couch, back as far as she could go with Jasper glaring at her. "I'm putting an end to this, before either one of us ends up shattered. I should have never let it get this far." She turned to leave.

"I could make you love me."

But that turned her around, and Jasper was back in Morganite's face in a second. They were glaring at one another again, eyes practically level, and Morganite clenched her teeth around her words, making them both quiet and hard.

"I could make you do anything."

Jasper responded almost immediately. "You're a disgrace to Homeworld and the powers given to you. _Pink Diamond would have been ashamed_."

Then Jasper really did leave, and never came back. That was the last time I saw them together.

For a few moments after the door closed, Morganite stood there. I watched her shake, hands bunching into fists that paled her skin before she moved statically to the couch and wept.

It began loudly and grew louder, easily worse than the occasional howl she released during the visions, and I stood in turmoil listening to her wail, not certain if I should come out and try to comfort her, or wait until she calmed. I hesitated because I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want her knowing that I had masturbated to her unconscious body, waiting for her to wake up and start fucking. I didn't want her to smell the vaginal scent under my nails. I didn't even want her to look at me.

Minutes had passed, however, and Morganite hadn't calmed. Even the quiet between sobs didn't last long, and after one lament and during a whimpering, I came out and couldn't help but pause before the door. Despite becoming a terrible Pearl, I wouldn't leave without her dismissal.

Drowning in an ocean of sorrow, she glared at me. "Fuck off," she said. " _Just fuck off._ "

I did exactly as she asked and fucked right off to the library, where I wished I could fuck off further. I wanted to fuck off to another room, another court, another galaxy, to another plane of existence. I wanted to fuck off to wherever Pink Diamond had fucked off when she left us this way. I wanted to fuck off to that goddamn field of flowers and take a stabbing from Rose Quartz. I wanted to fucking die.

But I reconciled all of that by trying to read over Morganite's weeping. It barely worked.


	24. Chapter 24

After Jasper left, Morganite became like a ghost. She wandered from room to room, crying just loudly enough to distract me from whatever book I was trying to read and raise an eyebrow.

She came back from work one day and left immediately afterward. From the library, I heard her open the doors, walk around the kitchen, stop, and head back out.

A teacup was left out in her wake, and worms of anxiety that ate up my stomach. I put it away and went back to the library for several hours until she returned.

That time, Morganite came weeping just as loudly as she had when Jasper left, and I emerged to ask what was wrong.

She stood before the door, a wreck with her face smeared and her expression crinkled unpleasantly in sorrow. Witnessing her, I became frozen, but Morganite—contrary to my expectations—caught me in her arms. I embraced her back, listening to her cry as we held one another. I was relieved to be touched again, but I had the distinct impression that something was very, very wrong.

And I was right, but she wouldn't explain at that moment. I wouldn't find out until later that she had gone to see Goshenite about the coming end, so we just stood there and hugged.


	25. Chapter 25

Morganite and I next spoke when she had a vision. She still wouldn't tell me what was wrong, not even when asked directly. Shaking her head, she tried to hold back the tears perpetually behind her eyes, ready to fall at the drop of an unfortunate word.

Neither one of us expected her vision. Ironically, we had sat down to talk on the fainting couch, in the event of serious business. This time, the business was so serious that both of us sat as Morganite gathered her words and I prepared to listen.

She never did speak, however. Right as she opened her mouth, the seizure of an oncoming vision slammed her body to the floor. Given that she had had a vision not long before, this one came as a surprise, but in hindsight, it must have occurred out of stress. In response, I panicked, about to rush into the office when she shouted in fleeting consciousness, "Don't!"

"But—"

"Don't—call her—"

"What about—"

She cried and went silent, limbs flailing. I heard her hitting the legs of our table as she rolled and gave the occasional involuntary scream while I stood still and decided what to do.

Instead of calling Jasper, which would have made her livid, I waited for her to still enough so I could restrain her. I wrapped my arms firmly around her and felt the surges as they passed. They were nearly strong enough to throw her arms from my grasp, which I didn't let go, even though the convulsions kicked her legs around as we rolled across the floor. I tried restraining her further with my own legs, but it didn't work well.

Clearly, this was not a job cut out for a Pearl. Whenever Jasper held her, Morganite hardly moved at all, arms, legs, head—any part of her. I had us floundering like useless idiots, but kept her from dissipating her form or hurting herself too badly, and eventually anticipated the violent waves. I braced her as they began at her core and traveled to her limbs. The last one I caught, our bodies synchronized so well that she hardly moved at all, nor did I. In fact, I felt a warmth between us that began in my stomach and ended inside her chest.

I suddenly knew every depth of her, and I felt her knowing me—so much so that her arms and legs became _my_ arms and legs, and likewise, mine became hers. Everything of mine became hers.

When we fused into Coral, I witnessed Morganite's life. In just a moment, I saw the entirety of it, as if it had happened to me. I watched her emerge inside Pink Diamond's kindergarten, from her perspective, long after anyone had stopped working there, wandering around alone. Our Diamond had ordered her existence, but she died and Morganite was late and forgotten—we were _all_ forgotten, except by Blue Diamond, who found her eventually.

Naked and terrified, she shook before Blue and wept inside her enormous hands. We both lived in Blue's chambers for only a few days until The Diamonds decided she would best serve Yellow, as Heliodor was recently convicted.

From Goshenite's memories given to Morganite, I saw that trial. I saw a tall and lanky yellow Beryl—with a chest gem shaped like her Diamond's—stand before a long list of crimes. She didn't deny them and apologized to the larger version of herself, who looked down at her, and her little golden pompadour, and her little golden epaulettes, and her little golden heels. Goshenite felt Yellow Diamond holding back tears, although no evidence of this showed on her face. Nor did her hesitation show, nor her love, but these sentiments were taken from Heliodor, given to Goshenite, who gave it to Morganite, who gave it to me.

In that way, I witnessed Heliodor's heat treatment, when Yellow Diamond enhanced her powers by electrocuting the shit out of her, and how she held her afterwards and kept her still inside her gloves. The procedure was the same for Morganite, and I felt the unbearable pain of Yellow's lightning, spreading through every photon of My Lady's body and, more specifically, in the depths of her gem which glowed and hummed like a star. But instead of holding her long enough for the agony to stop, Yellow Diamond sent her back to her chambers.

What made it worse was that Morganite knew that Blue Diamond wanted to keep her, desperately, even—but Yellow had insisted. Even though she wouldn't love her as much as she would another Heliodor, that didn't matter; Yellow had a hole in her court that needed filling, so Morganite was assigned, electrocuted, and put to work in the busiest court on Homeworld, when she might have kept Blue Diamond company instead.

Goshenite came and found her shortly after her treatment. They held hands and the ghost told her everything about visions, and about Homeworld's history, and a bit about who her Diamond was supposed to be. Morganite was days old at this point, held by Goshenite as she ached from the surgery. The phantom cried with her, siphoned the pain and took the edge off. They had been friends since.

Days after that, Yellow Diamond assigned Jasper to Morganite. _Yellow_ certainly wasn't going to hold her during the visions, so she gave her a bodyguard. They met after Jasper had returned from the war—when a special kind of heartbreak filled her to the point of spilling over.

I didn't know this before, but Jasper was actually happy to be assigned to Morganite, and My Lady herself suspected their placement was intentional on Yellow Diamond's part. Both from the same court and the same rotten circumstances, Jasper came to Morganite for the first time in her office, not during a vision, but because Yellow had asked them to meet.

When Jasper arrived, everything stopped. Morganite remembered it like a scene from a romance novel—which if they were even allowed, ended in tragedy. This was the exact moment all of those stories warned about. That jaw-dropping, intoxicating first meeting when two gems in radically different castes have their hair blown back and their cheeks darken by attraction. I felt the full effect of Jasper's curves on Morganite's well-being—how those wild crème locks made her sick to her stomach while her sharp golden eyes sliced her to pieces. Jasper's crimson stripes made her as hot as their color, and Morganite nearly burst, having stared too long.

Jasper asked if she was having 'one of those visions,' and Morganite shook herself out of her trance to answer that no, she wasn't, and managed to introduce herself, fumbling.

They spoke a bit and found out that they were about the same age and intended for the same court— _the same Diamond_ , and talked about that too. Jasper ended up leaving much later than intended, which would be the course of every meeting she would have with Morganite, except the last one.

For Jasper, the attraction wasn't immediate, and there was always the underlying panic because she wasn't supposed to feel at all, but she liked not having to talk about certain things with Morganite—who always knew and was always sympathetic, unlike the Agates and the military leaders, who looked down on her for coming from Earth. But Morganite relentlessly didn't care and would respond to such thoughts with long lists of everything she loved about Jasper, sometimes even down to very specific placements of stripes she shouldn't have known about—that she never should have known about, but Jasper liked that too. She liked that she never had to hide and slowly began admiring Morganite's colors and her chubby mouth and even those enormous eyebrows, which she sometimes reached over and touched because they were soft. Jasper would call her a dork while she did it, then later, a moron—and Morganite would respond by laughing because she knew Jasper was kidding—that for her, those were terms of endearment. Morganite would respond by calling her a bitch, and they would laugh about that too.

They made love for the first time only when Morganite sensed Jasper was ready. She had come that day, during a vision, wishing to hold her and kiss her better. It was the first time for both of them, and they were adequately gentle and careful—Jasper especially. Morganite was so small, and made her nervous every time she moaned, unclear if these were sounds of pain or pleasure, until Morganite begged her to continue and they achieved an orgasm together.

It wasn't until they finished and Jasper held Morganite, small and naked in her enormous arms, that she realized what they had done, and what it meant, and what could happen if anyone ever found out. Morganite accepted her fears, like she accepted everything else, even though they kept Jasper from loving her completely.

Morganite accepted that too, and she didn't fault her for it even though it hurt. Neither of them could change it, because their situation wouldn't change—because Homeworld wouldn't change. Morganite just went on loving Jasper, until she wouldn't allow her to anymore, and even then, I could still feel Morganite loving and understanding her. Because Morganite was about to be punished.

I found out that Morganite hadn't made love to any other gem (except for me, of course) and she had never fused, but that didn't matter. The rumors were out and vicious enough that Yellow Diamond had enlisted more investigators other than myself. Days before, when Morganite had come home crying, she had gone to see Goshenite who told her about her upcoming trial. They were still gathering evidence, but they knew about her sneaking into Pink Diamond's chambers, and they knew about her lies, and—thanks to me—suspected her of erasing my memory due to my conversation with Snowy. Goshenite had found out that Yellow Diamond had called her Pearl to interview me, something she allowed to happen to avoid trouble for not cooperating. She had managed to serve so long by doing exactly what The Diamonds had asked and not breaking too many rules, except for telling Morganite about her coming demise.

She only did that because it didn't matter anyway. The future was descending fast and hard, and she didn't have much time to erase my memories so that I wouldn't be punished too.

I watched from Morganite's perspective as they held one another and wept. I watched Goshenite admit, right into Morganite's mind, that she would be the one to interrogate her. Morganite then wept into Goshenite's mind how sorry she was, how stupid she was, and how she had failed all of us: Jasper, Goshenite, me, and Pink Diamond.

Regardless of the bruises we had made rolling around on the floor together, Coral embraced herself. The sharp migraine of the vision disappeared and I felt Morganite regain her consciousness. I felt her loving me, loving us and our slender limbs and long, curly hair, our dark eyelashes, and thick brows. I understood that she loved me differently than she loved Jasper, and that was why she had us both, but no one else. She had wanted this experience of becoming one, and thus, it was the first time we had fused and also the last.

She warmed me with her light.

Pearl, I'm sorry.

Was that how a vision feels?

Yes, but I don't normally see as much as you did. This feels

Amazing.

Coral laughed as blood dripped from her lowest pair of eyes.

I'm sorry for everything. I know you saw what's going to happen. Jasper was right. I really fucked up.

You did, but I get it, and I forgive you. I want to keep my memories.

No.

 _Why?_ I don't want to go back to that fucking library. They can punish me

But you won't even remember coming here.

 _I don't care!_ I'm tired of running. I can't picture going back. I can't. I can't. I can't

You don't have to die for me.

What if I want to?

No, Pearl. I won't let you.

But I would rather

I know, and I don't care. You don't know what you're signing yourself up for. No. You won't

But—

Coral began to cry even harder and lost an eye. We had synchronized so well, weeping in unison that our fusion's photons vibrated the harmony of a singular gem's. I was the part that inhaled while she exhaled, but I also inhaled while she exhaled and I didn't want to do anything else. I didn't want to be anything else.

Let me keep these memories, please.

What if you write them down?

Coral looked up.

How would you get them into Blue's library? How do you even know I'll end up back there?

Oh, Blue will want you back. I know a Quartz who works for her who will help me. I'll deliver it to her, and she'll deliver it to one of Blue's Pearls who will deliver it to the library.

I saw the scheme play out in her mind and believed it would work.

Okay, but

Do this for me, won't you?

I considered it, and I felt her reading my consideration and I read her ability to sway my thoughts, even though she didn't; even though it would have been easy.

Alright. I'll do it, but can we stay like this a while? You're so

Warm. You are too.

I can't tell you how difficult it was to unfuse. I was bound to her, and enjoyed that. I hate the part of myself that wanted to die for her, but I truly did. I wanted the authorities to find us like that and shatter us on the spot. I was ready. I had been ready.

I know how stupid that is, but she told me to be honest and she told me to be detailed, and I've tried to be both, because this book of sorts will be the only documentation of what happened during my time under Morganite. I'm going to forget and they will probably shatter her, but that's the way it is and I'm upset, but I can't do a damn thing, as usual.

They might come in any moment and arrest us, even as I'm writing this. All of these pages might be nothing more than a written testimony to crimes neither one of us have been accused of yet. She tells me that if that happens, I still might not die. She's sure I won't by the merit of having belonged to Pink Diamond, contrary to her, who did neither of those things and is the main party culpable. Either way, I'll keep my memories in one form or another and might as well record them.

I'm almost done, and as soon as I'm finished with this 'chapter' I'm going to walk outside this library and she'll wipe my memories, but only the ones starting with her. She promised me that.

I don't think I came to love her. I wish I could write that I did for certain, but if this truly is the only record of our horrible secrets, it's more important I write down both the good and bad in this bootleg little book of mine. I know that she'll forgive me, and after everything, I'm at least grateful for that.

I might sit here a while longer and pretend I'm still writing. I know she'll forgive me for that too.


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up inside of a holding cell, with no memory of how I ended up there or the events leading to my incarceration. The day before, or so it seemed, I had dusted the second floor of Blue Diamond's library and spoke to her Pearl, neither of which should have merited arrest.

My cell had a barrier of electric light separating me from the hallway and the other criminals, who also waited behind the same sort of barrier. The cell directly across from me held what appeared to be a noble gem, whose skin looked orange under the yellow coloring, but she must have been red or even pink with the biggest goddamn eyebrows I have ever seen. I didn't know who she was or even what sort of gem she was supposed to be, but she looked right at me, covered her mouth, and started to cry. I eventually glanced away from her (although I could feel she hadn't looked away from me) and went back to trying to figure out how I ended up in containment.

An unquantifiable amount of time passed. In hindsight, it could have been short, but it felt horrendously long between wracking my brain and dodging glances from the gem across from me. My time in that cell went on without incident; what I could have done still didn't become clear.

Perhaps someone had knocked me out and brought me there, but no matter what had happened, someone must have made a mistake. I decided to tell them as much whenever I was finally released, whoever _they_ were.

Eventually, someone did come for me. I watched her approach and press a few buttons on the control panel of my cell. As the force field dissipated, I saw her without its incorrect coloring—a too-tall, too-slender gem with long white hair and a glass-like third eye affixed to her forehead. Her two regular eyes frightened me just as much, especially as they cut right through me over the course of her light grey stare.

I found it hard to make my case.

"Pearl," her soft and unexpected voice drew ice over my spine. "Please follow me."

"Yes, Ma'am." I felt the other gem's eyes follow me as we moved past her, down that hallway of criminals. "But I think there's been a mistake. I'm not certain what I did to end up here, but the last thing I remember—"

She turned around and hit me with a look so sad I thought she might cry. We stopped and remained in our places until she sighed, and kept walking.

"There's no mistake, Pearl, but you have nothing to fear. I can see that you don't remember anything."

We reached the end of the hallway and moved into another, this one much darker than the last.

Despite my confusion, I kept following. "Excuse me, but does this have to do with My—I mean, Pink Diamond? Did they finally catch Rose Quartz?"

"No, Pearl. I'm sorry. This is something entirely different."

"Can you at least tell me what it is?"

We stopped walking again. "Your Lady is going on trial for erasing your memories and breaking other laws, Pearl. I'm going to interview you, and then you're to testify during her trial. We were merely waiting for you to wake up."

" _Testify?_ But Madame, how can Blue Diamond be on trial?"

"Not Blue Diamond. Morganite."

" _Morganite_?"

We continued until reaching a small room, which the phantom opened with a wave of her hand. A rectangular table awaited us, with two chairs on either side, and a camera displayed on the wall furthest from the door.

"Please take a seat, Pearl. Either side will do."

She interviewed me. From a list she seemed to have memorized, she asked a long series of questions involving a Morganite, who I maintained I had never met. She asked me if I had ever seen her carry out inappropriate contact with other gems, or if I had witnessed any forgery on her behalf. Did I ever feel disoriented or uncertain of past events in her presence? Did she behave inappropriately toward me?

 _Did she?_

I told her that, _really_ , there must have been a mistake. I've never served anyone named Morganite; no, I truly haven't. I've never been to her home or read her books. No, I don't remember meeting her and you said she did _what?_

"I gathered from her memories, Pearl, that you had," she paused, troubled, "made love, but you don't remember, do you?"

I couldn't answer. I only looked at her, sitting as far back in my seat as possible, and we both remained quiet a long time. "Ma'am," I started. " _What happened to me?_ "

"That's what we're trying to find out, Pearl." She offered me a smile and her unspoken sympathy, which I didn't want. I felt immediately annoyed and indignant, wishing to return to work.

As if reading my mind, she answered, "We can't let you go back just yet, but the trial should begin soon. The Diamonds would appreciate if you testify. Your participation will help bring this to a speedy close, and you'll be able to return home."

"Alright then. I'll testify."

"Thank you, Pearl. If you'll wait here a while…"

She left and I remained in that sparse room with its intrusive camera. I will say, I did appreciate not having to go back to the other criminals. I didn't want that one gem to look at me anymore.

Another long period passed and the ghost came back. I followed her again through the second half of the hallway, until we arrived to the courtroom, where I immediately found Yellow Diamond, one of her Zircons, and the gem from earlier who must have been Morganite. She stood in the middle of the room, handcuffed, exhausted, and pinker than her cell had suggested. The trial had been going on a while before we arrived, as evident by the dark circles beneath Morganite's eyes.

Yellow Diamond turned to look at the ghost and me.

"Goshenite, Pearl, step forward."

We did, and the ground beneath us turned into a platform that brought us closer to Yellow Diamond's level. She looked directly at me, and I gaped back and saluted her, though I didn't have the gumption to speak.

"I've reviewed the footage of your interview with Goshenite just now. Are you certain you can't remember any of your time with Morganite?"

"No, Madame." My hands shook. "This is my first time seeing her today."

"Really look at her, Pearl. Are you certain you can't remember?"

I turned to regard Morganite as she regarded me. Her pink seemed vaguely familiar, but no matter how long I searched through her tear-stained face, trying to match her expression to any memories at all, nothing specific came to mind. We must have stood staring at one another for at least a minute, and though I couldn't recall anything, she began to cry again.

I turned back to Yellow Diamond. "I can't remember anything, Ma'am."

"We have footage of you admitting that you've filed documents for her, but Morganite denies you did, despite pleading guilty to other accusations. Do you have any idea if you did or didn't?"

"I don't, My Diamond. There must be a mistake—"

"There's no mistake, Pearl." Yellow snapped her fingers and a screen appeared at the other side of the room. It seemed to descend from the ceiling, presenting white light until the footage began to roll.

What came onto the screen was a white room with two white chairs and two Pearls inside them. One was also colorless and hardly appeared on the screen, and the other was a culmination of pink, curly-haired and uncomfortable.

I looked to Yellow Diamond, and Goshenite, and Morganite, and her Zircon, unsure of who I should gape at. In the end, I returned the screen and watched as I was interviewed by the other Pearl, answering questions whose context I couldn't recall.

When the footage ended, they played it again for me, but any clarity the video would have inspired resulted only in more confusion. A lump developed in my throat.

Yellow Diamond addressed me. "Pearl, we've also collected a letter you wrote to Blue Diamond's Pearl in which you state that you wish Morganite would stop playing games with you. I would be intrigued to know how you got it to her, but I assume you don't remember writing or sending it."

I shook my head.

"For future reference, you're forbidden to send notes to other Pearls, but I'll assume you were seeking help without being too open. I suppose you don't have any idea why you didn't tell me when I called?"

Before I could answer, Morganite spoke, "She was afraid I would take her memories of Pink Diamond, Madame," and upon hearing those words I finally burst into tears. I couldn't believe I had been in a situation where my memories of her could have been erased.

"Be strong, Pearl." Yellow Diamond's brows bent and I saw her come the closest she would allow herself to regret. "I didn't believe she would stoop so low as to erase your memories, much less some of the other things she's admitted to." Yellow Diamond hit Morganite with her whip of a glare and our platform lowered as she addressed her. "I'd like to know what in the world you were thinking."

Shaking, shuddering, and failing, Morganite cried too. "Rather than be turned in, I kept lying to you. I made Pearl lie to you and I'm sorry, My Diamond. I'm sorry that I've hurt Pearl, and Goshenite, and Jasper, and you, Madame. I just hope that all of them— _all of you_ , can forgive me, but I understand if you can't."

Next to me, Goshenite began to cry as Yellow sat in deliberation. Her frown deepened and her forehead creased as she stared unwaveringly at the gem before her. "I'm disappointed in you, Morganite. I was hoping you could avoid making the same mistakes so many other Beryls have made." She paused. "I granted you that Jasper because you were from the same court. I thought it would make working easier for you, but that was obviously a mistake."

I could see Morganite trying to hold in the tears. Her face collapsed, leaking and broken as Yellow Diamond watched, harsh as ever.

Eventually, she resumed with a sigh. "I've decided not to shatter you, Morganite." Her words were interrupted by Goshenite's wail of relief, but continued after a moment, "but you will be punished."

"Thank you, My Diamond."

"When released, you had better avoid breaking any laws. If I find you in court a second time, I won't be so forgiving. _Is that clear?_ "

"Yes, My Diamond."

"Good. I'm sentencing you to confinement within an object for ten thousand years, beginning today." Then, she simply raised her hand and electrocuted Morganite into a sugary pink haze.

Just before she dissipated and her gem clinked upon the floor, she looked back to me. It happened in an instant, but I witnessed her sorry face, waterlogged and weeping. She mouthed out the words, 'I'm sorry.'

Then there was only Goshenite's sorrow, and with the trial over, I returned to Blue Diamond's library.

She welcomed me back, to my surprise, apologizing for letting me go in the first place. Apparently, she had told Yellow that the plan wasn't going to work and the end was just as she predicted, but I didn't remember and didn't care. All I knew was that I felt exhausted and confused, and looked forward to returning to normalcy, whatever the fuck that was.

For a while, things did seem normal. I dusted the shelves and cleaned the floors and resumed my duties, even though I felt altered, hungry, and bored. When cleaning, my body would sometimes experience strange itches I couldn't scratch, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what exactly had changed. I felt more alone than before. My skin was naked and cold, when I wanted it to be surrounded and warm and even overwhelmed.

One day I experienced that longing, and just when it became almost unbearable, Blue Diamond's Pearl came to visit.

Immediately, she embraced me.

"I was worried when I had stopped hearing from you. When you lived with her, you used to send notes, and one day, you just stopped."

I held her back, not wishing to let her go but also immediately frustrated. "I'm sorry, but I just can't remember. I'm sure I didn't mean to ignore you."

"I know you didn't." She released me to climb up the library's second level, where I thought she would go to watch Blue and Yellow Diamond fuck, but returned to the first floor with a book in her arms.

"You're not supposed to—"

"Wait. Just look," she handed it to me—an old novel in fairly good condition with _The Lost Children_ printed across its cover.

"I haven't read this one yet," I said.

"That's not the point. You need to open it."

I did, and instead of finding the yellowing pages of a printed book, I found numerous handwritten entries attached to the spine. Someone had torn out the insides, cleaned the shell, and glued in the new pages, whose print looked suspiciously close to my handwriting.

"What—" I dropped it and caused a thud.

She put her finger before her lips, speaking very quietly. "You wrote all of these pages. _You wrote this book_ , and everything that happened while you served Morganite should be there. Read it when you can."

"But how did it end up here?"

She was already scrambling to the second floor to watch the Diamonds, but paused to tell me, "Morganite had her ways."

At first, I wasn't sure about this book. I still couldn't believe that it had somehow ended up in Blue Diamond's library. With its worn cover and handwritten pages, it resembled more of a cursed object than a journal. I hesitated to read it. When Pearl showed it to me, I didn't watch the Diamonds with her; nor did I get back to my duties when she left, nor did I read the first page. I sat and studied the front cover, trying to wrap my mind around the series of events that would lead to that moment and wondered if I truly wanted to know in the first place.

I ended up putting it back on the second floor, into an empty slot between two books where it might have sat before.

I wasn't supposed to read, but after I had dusted the curtains for the thousandth time or wiped down the chairs and tables, my mind would wander to the secrets that book contained—secrets I would allegedly tell myself. The mystery added to the barrage of unpleasant sensations of a lonely body and twisted, whispering curiosity. I had moments when I came close to going up and reading, but I reminded myself that Blue Diamond could come in at any moment and grind me to dust for my audacity, so I went back to marinating and meditating in thoughts I constantly repressed.

But Blue Diamond didn't come. After days of solitude, I finally cracked and found a place on the second floor, tucked into a corner where I would be difficult to spot from the entrance. That's where I read the entire book, coiled in the shadows.

I ended up reading it several times, and suddenly understood the crimes committed by and against me, even though I could remember none of them. I could picture the events occurring. I had seen the characters—Morganite, Goshenite, I knew that Jasper; I knew most of the Pearls, but the images didn't add up to memories. That frustrated me.

The true version of what happened still exists inside my body today. Reading the entries, I could practically feel it like having a word perpetually at the tip of my tongue, as if that sensation stretched over the course of an entire book. The images appeared differently with each reread. I never found out exactly what her chambers looked like. I didn't know how Morganite appeared happy, and her voice receded further each day, but I could almost remember at the very back of my mind, as if the memories left scars when ripped out.

I would say the worst part of it all was being able to understand these newer desires—which didn't register as desires until I read this fucking book. I figured out that I wanted to play with myself, which was incredibly hard to resist. I had nothing to do in Blue Diamond's hellhole of forbidden literature other than cleaning. There was always cleaning.

I was especially angry that I couldn't remember the first time I had made love, or recall the pleasure she allegedly gave me. Worse yet, I couldn't imagine committing such an act with that weepy pink gem I had met at the trial, but there had to be something to her. Maybe she was better when she wasn't a stranger. Now all that's left of her was this hunger she had sparked inside me, which is going bad as I add pages to this very book. Morganite left me even more bored and bitter than before. I started fucking myself while no one was around, and reading on the job. Even if Blue Diamond caught me, I decided I didn't care.

What sort of horrible mistress puts a Pearl who loves to read in a library of forbidden literature? I can't believe I would lovingly clean the spines and covers, rid the shelves of unwanted dust down to the particles, without ever sitting down and breaking one open. Each of them looked so virginal upon the shelf, perfect and dustless without so much as one unsightly crack in their spines. Perhaps a better Pearl would have even avoided their titles (if she even knew how to read), but I no longer gave a fuck—knowing and not quite knowing what had happened to me.

The next time Pearl came to watch The Diamonds make boring love upon Blue's lavish cushion, I grasped her by the hips and pushed my tongue into her mouth. We ended up fucking on the floor, right in front of the books.

She tried to keep her moans confined, but every so often she released a cry and clasped her hands over her face. I could sometimes see her eyes under those bangs of hers, glazed over in pleasure as I went down on her.

She's always so careful that we don't get caught. We end up going to the farthest corner of the library's top floor—where it would be hard to spot us if anyone came in, even though there are more comfortable places downstairs. I can see how it worries her, so I comply, even though I _want_ Blue Diamond to see us. I want her to see what she's created, or at least what she's allowed to come into existence.

Goshenite could have told Yellow Diamond that I went along with Morganite's schemes. She could have mentioned all the times I could have turned her in, but didn't, or all the times I had lied like a coward to stay in her library, or the time we had gone to Pink Diamond's palace together, but maybe she too assumed that I was manipulated into keeping her secrets—that my memories were erased after each crime and not only at the end. Morganite would have remembered that. But they would all rather work under the assumption that Pearls are dumb and helpless, so let them see me reading. Let them see me fucking another Pearl—because who manipulated who, then? Let them see me writing in the extra pages of this wretched book, because at least then I can die on my own terms by my own crimes, by my own novel.

I couldn't die for My Diamond and I couldn't die for Morganite, but maybe I can die for myself. And if they still refuse to end me, I'll continue on—a useless, lost, and literate Pearl who decided to live for her own sake.


End file.
